Land of Eem: Actual Play
Join Ben Costa, James Parks, and George Higgins as they play the Land of Eem tabletop roleplaying game, inspired by the series of fantasy books: Dungeoneer Adventures and Rickety Stitch and the Gelatinous Goo.
Ben Costa and James Parks are the creators of Dungeoneer Adventures, Rickety Stitch and the Gelatinous Goo, and the tabletop roleplaying game, Land of Eem. They have been friends since the 2nd grade, and love making stuff together.
Lovers of fantasy, they strive to craft tales that celebrate the adventures of unlikely heroes. Ben and James grew up playing tabletop roleplaying games, creating countless characters and collaborative worlds with our pals, a pastime that paved the way for their creative careers, as authors and illustrators.
Land of Eem is a tabletop roleplaying published in partnership with indie game publisher, Exalted Funeral. and is about adventurers exploring and discovering the remnants of a forgotten better age. Described as The Lord of the Rings meets The Muppets, players portray lore-seeking travelers, fortune-seeking pioneers, and adventure-seeking heroes in a time devoid of them. But for all its post-apocalyptic doom and gloom, Land of Eem is tonally quite lighthearted and droll.
Dungeoneer Adventures is a fun, middle-grade fantasy adventure series from Simon & Schuster, about the only human kid attending the adventure school, Dungeoneer Academy. The books are packed with illustrations and available at Target, Barnes & Noble, and Amazon, or you can ask for them wherever books are sold.
Rickety Stitch and the Gelatinous Goo is a fun YA graphic novel series from Random House, about a skeleton bard and his best friend on an epic quest to discover who he was when he was alive. The books are available through Exalted Funeral or online at Amazon, and you can ask for them wherever books are sold.
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Land of Eem: Actual Play
Land of Eem: Fantasy Actual Play S03E12 | The Stump Witch Mysteries
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What happens when Galen goes solo in the whimsical world of Polgrib’s village, armed with only his wits and a lingering stink problem? In this latest episode of the Land of Eem TTRPG, played in the Mucklands Campaign Sandbox Setting and published by Exalted Funeral, Galen takes center stage in an unpredictable and humor-filled adventure while Riley nurses his wounds and James is MIA.
Inspired by the thrill of solo Star Wars games, Galen’s quest is anything but ordinary. From navigating awkward tomato juice offers to charming his way through encounters with werewolves, Galen relies on strategy, luck, and a sprinkle of plot armor to survive. Joined by the eccentric Zona Inbok, a hapless jester named Leslo, and the resourceful Polgrub, the crew faces forests thick with bandits and Beamkin, grappling with ethical dilemmas and the nature of curses while chaining up Leslo to prevent nocturnal chaos.
Their journey is filled with whimsical encounters, including the formidable Stump Witch, a bustling marketplace of peculiar trades, and a boggle junkmonger offering bizarre bartering opportunities. With humor and suspense weaving through every moment, the team faces the question: can a werewolf truly be subdued with a song?
From the discovery of a lost encyclopedia to mysterious secrets held by the Stump Witch, this episode captures the magic of adventure, laughter, and unexpected twists. Perfect for fans of Fantasy Actual Play, Collaborative Storytelling RPGs, Rules-Light Indie RPGs, and the vibrant TTRPG community, it’s a tale of camaraderie and chaos that feels like a grand campfire story come to life.
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Hey Georgie boy.
Speaker 2:Hey, Benny boy Check out this guy.
Speaker 1:Whoa.
Speaker 2:Look at that. Look at that. It's Galen in the background.
Speaker 1:Yeah, today is a Galen solo quest. James is not here, so we're going off the books, yeah, yeah, we normally play video games when one of us isn't here, but, um, we were really inspired this time to do that.
Speaker 2:We're just gonna see how this goes we're gonna hope that we don't regret it. And if, if we do regret it, if galen dies, we're gonna I'm saying it now, we're gonna retcon that it was all a dream. No one will. No one will keep me in check, princess. Funny bone. It is off the rails. Galen's this is notoriously a bad idea, but we're gonna do it anyways yeah, george and I have a history of uh solo.
Speaker 1:We haven't done it in several years now. Yeah, um, we play a lot of star wars and I mean you must have died a couple times doing that, right yeah, there were a couple like non-starters.
Speaker 2:It was just always getting into impossible scenarios because of my tendency to like, my plans aren't always elegant and they often devolve into like chaos and blowing things up I'll take some of the blame for making it too difficult. Well, like the problem with the system. It's not a problem with the system, but the nature of the system is, like, highly variable. Like you could, just I could be blowing through mowing down stormtroopers, versus like just grazing their armor the entire time.
Speaker 1:Dice pool exploding dice system.
Speaker 2:Oh man, you could go south in a hurry.
Speaker 1:Oh man, Go south in a hurry. To recap, we are in Polgrib's village, recovering after quite a harrowing journey. Let's see.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we're going to try to avoid having to retcon this as all a dream.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean, you know, know, I'm gonna do it anyway, you know it's a possibility if things just go way off the rails yeah, we a little plot armor in the solo quest, because if, if galen dies, I want riley to watch.
Speaker 2:so you know, you know I Like it's a cause we would. We would give up our lives for each other and I'm sure that at a certain point Galen and Riley will ultimately face that, face that situation and hopefully, uh, just have wounds instead of rolling new characters Speaking of uh sorry, I just read Princess Next comment this is a story of Galen's life. What were you saying, ben?
Speaker 1:I was just gonna say, speaking of wounds, riley is wounded, so I think that's what we're gonna play around with. You know she's not up to wounds. Riley is wounded, so I think that's what we're going to play around with. She's not up to leaving the village. Just yet. You are going to go on a solo adventure. You heard that there was a witch sort of in the vicinity and you didn't want to just completely um sidetrack your quest, so you're going to take this time while Riley's out of it, to go, uh, take care of your stink.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think I I had stopped caring about it for a while. But when we were celebrating in the bugbear village with pull group, you know it was like every time I try to join a conversation people would startrib. You know it was like every time I try to join a conversation people would start like well, you know, they just like disperse a little bit, as I.
Speaker 2:I'm gonna go over there now yeah, they're like hey, good job killing that thing. Oh man, this guy, now you stay here, it's fine, it's fine yeah everyone just kept giving you tomato juice yeah, I was drinking it and everyone would just shake their head and, like I, went through the entire village's supply of tomatoes. They're so polite, they keep offering the tomato juice and I'm just full of tomato juice and it's going to go right through me. It's not going to be a pretty scene.
Speaker 1:So, yeah. Oh, we got a. We got some fan fiction going on here fan, fix the own.
Speaker 2:This is princess scalina, princess scalina is it?
Speaker 1:does it involve galen? Um, all right, so let's just dive right into this.
Speaker 2:George, you know um as yeah, galen wakes up in a stinky sweat the next morning. He's like I can't take it anymore you need to get rid of the stink you see uh riley lying there.
Speaker 2:Uh, completely passed out yeah uh, like for her, for teeth are missing. Ah, dr phantasmia. No, that's cool love it um yeah, so my mind galen will, uh, go over to riley who's just drooling at this point While she's recovering. She's kind of just like a hot mess. One of Polgrub's sisters is looking after her, kind of dabbing at her forehead, while she's having her weird fever dreams. And I say, don't worry, riley, by the time you wake up I'm going to be stink free.
Speaker 1:As you exit the village, polgrub runs after you and he says hey, I'm going to come with you.
Speaker 2:I say Polgrub, it's fine. It's the least I can do.
Speaker 2:I won't say no to a friend on the trail. Zonambach is torn between how he's going to document each of our. We're splitting up the party and Zona Inbok's not used to this. Yeah, so, Ben, hear me out on this. In a really really weird, bizarre situation, Zona Inbok plants like a spore in the dirt next to where Riley's sleeping and it grows into a very tiny version of Zona Inbok With a tiny writing pad and tiny pencil. You can veto it. You can veto it.
Speaker 1:I mean mushrooms have a very specific physiology.
Speaker 2:Tell us more about the physiology of mushrooms. Ben Well, if Zone Ambach were ever be uh slain or cut in half, impossible.
Speaker 1:But go on another zone, imbach will.
Speaker 2:Actually two of them would sprout from the halves so all I have to do is cut zone imbach in half.
Speaker 1:But by doing that, you're also shortening his lifespan.
Speaker 2:Nobody wants that. He, okay, how about this? He hurriedly runs over to the Pulgrim's sister and he's like I need you to write down. Whatever you do here is paper and pen. Try to get the essence of what she says. It is very important to me.
Speaker 1:You will get the writer's credit on the article she just looks at zona like what takes the paper and pen it's good. Good, I would come back, expect great things when zona walks out, she just tosses it to the ground uh, I love it All right. Yeah, let's start this up and make a travel check out of here, buddy.
Speaker 2:We're rolling down the road. Oh, right out the gates. Right out the gates, baby. Let me open my players. This is what always happens, ben, when it's a solo quest. My rolls are terrible and I'm going to keep positive. We can do this. We got this, me and Polaroid all the way, opening up my rule book. All right um opening up my rule book all right, so, um, that is actually a two. So, oh, because we're in the mountains, or why is it a penalty um the blunder?
Speaker 1:bluffs lots of blundering about.
Speaker 2:Blunder Bluffs.
Speaker 1:Lots of blundering about. So this is a fairly new thing, but it's like the nature of the hex. For zones like Blunder Bluffs, scrocknest Mountain.
Speaker 2:Dirt Nap Dunes, yeah, especially.
Speaker 1:They have special dangers, danger ratings. So that's something to look forward to and, uh, so roll a d 100.
Speaker 2:I mean it's a lot like when you know you go to stranglethorn veil and you're just not. You know you're like level 22. It's not a good idea. You can do it, but a triangle thrown tiger is going to get you in this case, it's used to be tiger if an 83 is a used to be tiger, I'm just going to lose my mind okay, okay, okay. Dangled highway to the danger zone.
Speaker 1:So you meet a strange-looking individual. He is sort of in shabby jester's clothing and he waves to you coming down the mountain.
Speaker 2:I say uh, polaroid you know that guy?
Speaker 1:No, never seen him.
Speaker 2:Alright, well, keep your uh, keep your weapon, your bow handy, but we should slow down. We're writing FB, by the way, I say. I guess we should slow down and see what he's all about. I say hail there, traveler. Hey, oh, that's his voice.
Speaker 1:I'm Leslo.
Speaker 2:Leslo? What brings you out to the Blender Bluffs, Leslo? It's not a safe place for a jester such as yourself.
Speaker 1:I'm just looking for traveling companions. Where are you headed?
Speaker 2:I'm just looking for traveling companions.
Speaker 1:Where are you headed?
Speaker 2:South. And what wait? What happened to your?
Speaker 1:traveling companions from. Obviously you didn't get here by yourself. I doubt you would have survived the journey.
Speaker 2:No, no, I ran away from some bandits, but what?
Speaker 1:about your friends. Well, I wouldn't call them friends, they're bandits. You were traveling with bandits.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes.
Speaker 1:That doesn't bode. Well, listen, I can offer some services. I'm very funny, you know.
Speaker 2:I can juggle, I can dance ah, jongleur, yeah, um, should named him jungle no, my name is leslo yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. I say, leslo, we can take you as far as the Great Slog, I suppose. Oh, that's perfect. We're heading to the stump.
Speaker 1:Oh, you're going to speak to the witch. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:Hmm, well, you should come prepared. You have gifts. Of course we have gifts. We're gonna take his head and give it to her. What I'm joking? I'm joking, I say no, no, we'll figure something out. I've got a lot of stuff you never know.
Speaker 1:I say what kind of gifts does she like?
Speaker 2:Oh.
Speaker 1:Shiny gifts? Well, that's a good question. I don't know Magic gifts.
Speaker 2:Yeah, magic would be great.
Speaker 1:Okay, you have magic.
Speaker 2:No no.
Speaker 1:But I know where we can get some. Well mind if I come on board.
Speaker 2:Does he look armed in any way? No, he's only armed with sharp wit and lethal comedy. Um, alright, I say fine, fine, uh, here, hop on the back of FB here alright, he does. I say don't go rummaging around. There's a lot of pointy objects, okay, and I want you to get hurt.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:Um, we uh kind of begrudgingly start to hit the road again. I don't want to leave this guy in the dust, but I didn't necessarily want to take him. But I think Galen would would still help a guy out.
Speaker 1:All right, that's the first part of the day.
Speaker 2:All right, let me make a second check. Yeah. What does Leslow do? Is he just juggling and trying to entertain himself?
Speaker 1:He's trying to entertain you.
Speaker 2:Leslow, I got to keep my eyes on the road man. I'm sorry. Fb is smart, but we gotta keep an eye out and make sure there's nothing wrong. This is how traveling works. That's why we've been safe so far. We definitely haven't rolled any ones, or a five. It's a five, it's a five. It's a dangerous encounter, ben.
Speaker 1:Classic All right Roll, another d100.
Speaker 2:It concerns me that this guy was in the perilous encounters table. It's just concerning. I don't know what it means. He's going to thud our throats in our sleep or something. It's going concerning. I don't know what it means. It's going to thud our throats in our sleep or something. It's going to be terrible. Oh God 96 is never good. Is this a Scrockwing?
Speaker 1:No, I mean the tables aren't like. There's no intent with the design of 100.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, there may be in the end, but right now there's no intent with the design.
Speaker 3:Oh yeah, 100. Yeah, there may be in the end, but right now there's not.
Speaker 1:Yeah, um you, uh, you find a, uh a Ram gore Yep.
Speaker 2:What is a Ram gore again?
Speaker 1:It's a giant Ram with huge menacing horns.
Speaker 2:Okay, sure.
Speaker 1:Obscenely large.
Speaker 2:Like what's his face? Tim Curry in Legend, like even bigger. Oh wow, okay, he's mostly horn, less ram.
Speaker 1:It's an animal, yeah, and it's tied up and it's being um pelted with rocks by troggles. I don't know if you've encountered troggles before you have?
Speaker 2:yeah, I think when you use they're like these, like hurricane yeah, no, you're um unga or something like that, unda.
Speaker 1:Unda unda, something like that, yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Um, I turn to Pulgrub and I say hey, what's the deal with the Ramgors Like, why are they taunting you? Do you know?
Speaker 1:I think they're trying to bring it down when you see that the rope is uh is about to break our troggles.
Speaker 2:Which one were the troggles were? They weren't there like good and bad ones that we've encountered.
Speaker 1:Yeah, they're like ok loka leader of the tribe unda, poisoned by ek and terrorizing other, we nuked him from orbit, okay got it.
Speaker 2:Like Ahk Loka, leader of the tribe Unda, poisoned by Ek and terrorizing other, we nuked him from orbit. Okay, got it. They're like you said. I'm sorry.
Speaker 1:They're, like you know, basically prehistoric Boggarts. Mm-hmm. A different evolutionary line. Stunted evolutionary line. They're ape people.
Speaker 2:Yeah, ape people. Uh, I say, um well, should we help them? It's kind of weird.
Speaker 1:I feel bad for the ram gore, but I guess they gotta eat as you guys are deliberating, the the ram gore breaks free and starts um gore breaks free and starts um goring people kind of bucking and uh hitting, troggles up into the air with its horns and its chaos.
Speaker 2:I start whistling and we just ride by. No, um, I say, look out and I'll go riding in. Um, our ram gore is just, you know, like creatures that people will hunt like for food, kind of that kind of thing yeah, they're like they're.
Speaker 1:They're animals, they're not evil or anything you know so this, this, this all seems just like a hey, we are, village needs to eat, kind of thing yeah, it looks like you're coming upon just a dangerous situation of troggles trying to take down this ramp, or and it's not working um, I think I say uh, uh, brace for ramming.
Speaker 2:And I look back at Leslo and I say that means you need to hold on, and I crack the reins and FB is going to charge. We're going to see if we can knock it down.
Speaker 1:All right, roll your charge.
Speaker 2:Is that wilderness? Yeah, yeah, it'll be wilderness. D12 plus, is it three? Where'd my character sheet go? Oh, yeah, I'm on my character sheet. It's two. Okay, hey, there it is. That's a critical ram. On this other ram gore.
Speaker 1:Who will ram the ram?
Speaker 2:Who rams the rams? When the rams are ramming, War Torders can ram a structure, knock down a door or deal 1D tread to an adversary knocking them over, so I'll roll a d10. It's only three, but I don't know if there's criticals on this.
Speaker 1:Yeah, there would be.
Speaker 2:Okay. Six damage and it's knocked down.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think that's the bigger uh takeaway. Uh, fb charges in and kind of stuns the Ram gore. It's like on its side kind of reeling. I'm going to say now get it I mean to the struggles.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Um, I'll actually use. No, it's fine. I was going to say there's no real point to using the Inspire ability, so I'm plus one. Ah, it's not that great. It might be a language barrier. You know what? I'll use a quest point to bump that to a six.
Speaker 1:All right, they, yeah, go ahead. I was'm just gonna say they kind of like scramble and uh, run to the thing and tackle it, and then they they tackle it. That's why dog, pile trog, pile trog, pile trog, piling it yeah, and uh that's not. These guys are not smart, not smart at all um, the ram gore like gets up in bucks and uh, one of them goes flying towards you I catch it yeah, uh, make a uh a nimbleness check, or you'll take some damage.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'll try to catch him. We'll see Seven, maybe less damage, but still damage.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that makes sense. You take one. Well, you could probably block that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's blocked.
Speaker 1:Block.
Speaker 2:Because I'm on FB and I have armor that blocks down.
Speaker 1:But the rest of the troggles are able to Decimate it. Tie up the ram, gore Like hog, tie it. One of them comes over to you and says Ugh Ugh. One of them comes over to you and says I pointed the round gore.
Speaker 2:Can you actually speak to these guys? No, but I feel like I just understand them Huh. The troggle gives you a sack of something.
Speaker 1:I kind of like weigh it in my hands and I nod as I, then they like, wave you off.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we carry on. I say don't look in the sack, it might be rude. What?
Speaker 1:are you talking about?
Speaker 2:No, let's wait until we're out of sight before we look in the sack.
Speaker 1:Just look in the sack. I don't want to look in the sack yet. Why do you want to look in the sack? Hey, hey, hey hey.
Speaker 2:Hey, no, I wait until we've ridden down a ways before I look in the sack all right, it looks like some wet eyeballs hmm, yeah, I show, I show I say less, I give Les low second, say yeah, yeah, look in the sack oh, hmm, might be a nice gift for the witch that's actually a really good point, but, um, before I know it, our blemmy has an eyeball in his mouth he didn't come our eyeballs.
Speaker 2:He insisted to watch over riley yeah, he's gonna try to eat her. Great, our food now. Our hunger, yeah, our hunger. Um, did I move for this leg yet? Um, I think so, uh, no, no, we're down next to the moldy cave now, I think so no. No, we're down next to the Moldy Cave now.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and that'll be your last time in the mountains, so you can move to after this. Okay. But it's nighttime. Hey, yeah, that's what I was worried about. Go on, yeah, I got got something to talk to you about. Um, can you chain me up?
Speaker 2:oh god, god, what. What are you changing to Galen? Literally is just exasperated.
Speaker 1:He's like what are you changing to? I don't know, it's a curse, okay. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:Ah yeah, princess, funny Votes reaction. If you missed it, he just said we'll settle down to camp for the night.
Speaker 1:He turns to us and says I need you to chain me up for the night. Yeah, you know, I think it's best for everybody. You know, I hate to put this on you. You know it's a real inconvenience, but yeah Inconvenience. Yeah, I'm afraid that, uh, you know, I might do some things that I'll regret I mean we would.
Speaker 2:We might do some things that you would regret. I think is is the more accurate way of describing the situation. Um, ah, friley was here. You could build a cage. Um, I swear I had something that can hold on. I'm yep, yep, got shackles. Oh, okay, princess, funny bone here. Nice, I say all right. No, we got yep, that's right. Thank god for mundane items. I see all right. Uh, let's go to there's. There's a giant tree over here, or a stump that's taller than you. I don't think you'd be able to get over it.
Speaker 1:Well, I mean, when I change, I become a lot stronger.
Speaker 2:Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, yeah, no, okay, fine, so what's around, ben?
Speaker 1:What can I chain him to, to shackle him to um?
Speaker 2:I want to make a search check no, um, all right, let's see, come on. No whammy, no whammy, no whammy, uh seven all right uh, there there is something.
Speaker 1:There's like a stump, that's like pretty tall, but um, it looks like the best thing you can find. Just it's not, as it's not as thick as the other trunks, you know. It's like.
Speaker 2:That is a difficult situation. All right, so that's a start. What else can I do? I see I'm also going to kind of tie you up with this lasso that I have laying around as well.
Speaker 1:Oh, God, thank you so much, he says, you tie him well. Oh God, thank you so much, he says, you tie him up.
Speaker 2:No, no, I mean, I get it. I get it. Everyone's got curses, yours just might kill us.
Speaker 1:Is that what the smell is? You know, I didn't want to say anything.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, I'd say thanks for being polite about it. I appreciate it.
Speaker 1:Who am I to judge? Judge really, you know yeah no, um, yeah great. So I'm gonna put this satchel over your head too oh yeah, you know yeah, no, it's, uh, yeah, yeah, you know, and if I say some terrible things, um just disregard it just yeah, it's not me.
Speaker 2:I'm pretty sure we're not going to get any sleep tonight. I get it, though. I get it. So wait, I say. As I put the satchel on, I say what did you? Did you kill your friends?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't like to think about it.
Speaker 2:Red mist, red mist.
Speaker 1:Look all that is. It's like a blur. Mm-hmm, it's red mist, red mist. Look all that is. It's like a blur. Mm-hmm. I figure the most important thing is to just forge ahead. You know what I think?
Speaker 2:the fates are trying to tell me something that you know brought me to you because you're going to the witch, got magic to trade and I feel like it's real perfect. You know, I don't know about that buddy boy. I club him over the head, kidding. I say, all right, well, we're going to get some sleep Maybe. What happens if we do shifts of keeping watch Ben To like worsen the amount of rest we get or penalize us in any way.
Speaker 1:I don't know there's no specific rules for watches, because I always found that tedious playing.
Speaker 2:It is. Yeah. Because that's essentially what I think I'd want us to do is to have a watch system for this guy to make sure he hasn't gotten loose. Like, have a watch system for this guy to make sure he hasn't gotten loose.
Speaker 1:Yeah, maybe I'll just have you each make a check to see if you could stay awake that's fair.
Speaker 2:Okay, I like it. Um, yeah, maybe we'll make those checks and then, and then you can tell us how the night passes yeah, are you?
Speaker 1:are you going to like be right near him?
Speaker 2:no like how far away um, I not not very far, because we want to, like, would want to hear if things are creaking and breaking, maybe, but, like, maybe he's at the edge of our firelight. Okay. I guess it's fairly close at that point, but it's. It's like I'm not sleeping, like next to his foot. Is that where you're getting at? Yeah, yeah, okay.
Speaker 1:All right, it's um. Paul group says, before you guys sleep uh, this is. Uh, this is real weird.
Speaker 2:Maybe we should just kill him before he turns. I mean, it seems like a nice enough guy, he's just got a real bad curse on him I'd say yeah, but at what point do you become your curse? You know what I mean oh, is he more first than him? Yeah, I mean, what point do I become this stink monster? You know, it's the same same question you might ask of of, uh, an adventure who becomes a hero? At what point do they actually become the hero?
Speaker 2:I just think I just I don't have an answer for it. I just go to sleep. I say, all right, let me know if, uh, if anything starts going wrong. Good night, um I. I say to Pogba I said, no, we shouldn't kill him though it's, it's uh I. I think you can't just give up on people. I think back to Wildar. I'm like, yeah, I've written people off in the past and they've surprised me. They've become more than what I thought they were, in spite of what people call them or how people see them. So maybe we'll give Leslow a chance here. If not, you know he can mount his head on. You know, bring it back to your village. It'd be another war trophy for you.
Speaker 1:That sounds pretty good too.
Speaker 2:Yeah, see, it's a win-win scenario it can't possibly be tougher than a pterosaur. Yeah, I've only heard legends about werewolves.
Speaker 1:Werewolves what'd you think was going on?
Speaker 2:oh no, thought he was a gremlin or something. No, galen. Galen knows about werewolves. He's, he's being, he's being facetious werewolves were werewolves, so are you having?
Speaker 1:pulgrib.
Speaker 2:Uh going for a swatch yeah, maybe I think I'd be fine with that. I'll roll a uh a check of the China, the Chinese checky.
Speaker 1:You want a I don't know what kind of metal check.
Speaker 2:Maybe vitality, Vitality okay.
Speaker 1:What's Polgar's vitality? I'd say plus one. All right, all right.
Speaker 2:Not bad. Not bad, polgar, I'm going to be the wink link here because I already used my good roll.
Speaker 1:Well, you know, let's see if I'll just make it random. Yeah, yeah, so he does transform on Polgrib's watch.
Speaker 2:Nice, I mean not. You know what I mean.
Speaker 1:Dead. The moment things start happening, poker interrupts your dream of like frolicking with welders children frolicking with welders children, Like I had welders kids. No, no, not not weld welder's children you two as children like a memory dream.
Speaker 2:Oh, I was like so confused. Maybe riley and welder had kids. I'm frocking with them and they're my little nieces or something, and nephews. I'm like, all right, that's, that's cool, that's cool.
Speaker 1:I'll roll with it, you know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm down. Um. So this, uh, great, this guy's rustling. Um, so you can't you can't see anything cause he has a satchel on his head.
Speaker 1:Well, you see his form in the moonlight uh start to just rapidly change and the silhouette get larger. Yeah and uh. The the bag on his head is like super tight now and stretching.
Speaker 2:It's a mastercrafted satchel. If it makes you feel any better, it's the only thing I could think of to use a mastercrafted, plus one to a relevant skill check satchel. It's the only time it's been useful, ben.
Speaker 1:I thought we were saying that was gonna like increase oh, maybe we were.
Speaker 2:I shouldn't have used it, but it's too late now alright, so I'm gonna make a it could be my lucky rucksack. I have two fancy containers, you know. Let's make it the lucky rucksack, let's make it that one.
Speaker 1:So his might is plus three. I'm going to say, given the precautions that you've taken, he is minus two.
Speaker 2:I'm going to sing a song to soothe him. It's going to go like oh, it doesn't sense him further. That's not good.
Speaker 1:So that's a success, with a twist meaning that he does break free, but he's still wrapped up in ropes.
Speaker 2:Okay, the lasso thing has held kind of. He's broken from the trees and he's kind of like stumbling around. So it's almost more comical than anything at this point round, so it's almost more comical than anything.
Speaker 1:Um, it's not, you know. The idea is you'll have to do something in the moment yeah, um, he's cursing you. Now he says get this off of me does you say raw that's his growl?
Speaker 2:I wanted him to say raw that's his growl, I wanted him to say raw Rawr.
Speaker 1:What do you want from me?
Speaker 2:You're doing a great job, ben, you're doing a great job. Yeah, all right. So we're going to either enter a combat or I have. Let's see if I have other abilities to use. Enter a combat or I have, let's see if I have other abilities to use. I wonder if I could commanding presence him. I might not. I probably not, right, I mean?
Speaker 1:I don't think, so yeah, what does it say?
Speaker 2:uh, impress or frighten npc out of combat or a group of goons. Success means that they'll generally be respectful and amenable. Um, instead of that, yeah, I feel like it'd be wasted. And he's also got like a satchel on his head so he can't see me making him like a commanding like visage or an intimidating visage I think you'd use it.
Speaker 2:It's just not going to be like the all-powerful thing that you would hope, right, I think what I want to do is actually discerning I to create a weakness or a vulnerability in someone or something with a line of sight? Can I discerning I some Wolfsbane, like growing nearby Wolfsbane? Is that a thing in line of aim? Um, wolfsbane, as it's maybe called, I don't know, not really. Wolf bane, as it's maybe called, I don't know, not really. I feel like you'd have to make it a thing, something else, okay, so with something else I couldn't discerning eye, okay, uh, hmm, oh, how about? All, right, this is gonna be an interesting one. Uh, I'm gonna. I'm gonna go back to a fable of the, the lion and the mouse and the thorn in his paw, and can I discerning eye, a thorn in his foot that's making him so angry, or like a knife in his like side or something from a previous battle with the bandits?
Speaker 1:Are you suggesting that Leslow had a knife in his side? Just?
Speaker 2:never knew about it, man, yeah, that's, that's dang. Okay, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I know this is why go to sleep, thunk, not dealing with possible death. Yes, Princess Funnybone.
Speaker 1:We gotta do something. I think we should just spear it.
Speaker 2:I feel bad for Leslo. I say let me see if I can knock him out. Can I have feet of strength and use my giant's club to try to just cudgel him? Unconscious, Sure.
Speaker 1:A grim great club. I think you'll have to roll 12 to just knock him out. Yeah, let's see if there's anything else.
Speaker 2:Hmm, hmm, yeah, I think we're going to do that. Yeah, I think we're gonna do that. You know, you never know until you try it. Benny boy, you never know what you're gonna roll. Nope, it's a nine. Well, there you go, you hit him over the head and he stumbles backwards. I whistle to FB. I see him charging in the.
Speaker 1:werewolf struggles on the ground and it looks like he's getting the ropes off. Werewolf struggles on the ground and it looks like he's getting the ropes off.
Speaker 2:Pole Grub comes and he's like right beside you. Subdual damage.
Speaker 1:Subdual damage. So are you wanting to fight this guy?
Speaker 2:I mean, I don't think you can reason with it, because there was that werewolf that chased us all the way from Krogland to SPL and there's no reasoning with that thing. I think we have to just knock it out.
Speaker 1:The other thing I would do is use my druidic rope to rebind him All right. Well, we can make it a thing of like you're trying to get a 12 to knock him out.
Speaker 2:Yeah, or can we, can it? What's the monster wrangling thing? The wrestling wasn't that a thing it's like a critter I mean, he's a really big critter. Basically, I, we don't.
Speaker 1:I don't want to kill this guy, I want to just yeah, I mean here you could parlay with him to not kill you. You know what I mean. But that's not going to stop him from being a werewolf. You know I'm saying werewolves gonna werewolf.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I say, uh, look, look, hey, come on. Uh, we don't want to fight. What are you hungry? I'll devour you what if we gave you something else to devour? Man flesh no, oh, are there any bandits nearby? Because we, I'm happy. If he eats them, that's fine. They're all dead. I consumed them all and you're still hungry, you greedy little pig.
Speaker 1:I consumed them all. And you're still hungry, you greedy little pig. He rips the bag off his head.
Speaker 2:Hey, be gentle with that. I say here and I toss a pouch of grizzly trophies from the Nakadaki Strangler to him. Never thought they'd come in handy, did you? And here we go.
Speaker 1:Um, I'm probably gonna make him sick he scrambles to uh pick it up and just stuff it in his mouth.
Speaker 2:It's gross I'm gonna take it off my inventory list. I say, uh, what about? I don't know, ram gore flesh troggle flesh no, come on, don't be that yes, yes I say you know, hey, animates, welcome. We're being, we're parlaying with a werewolf and not succeeding. Um I uh, while he's eating the Naked Donkey Strangler what was it Like? Grizzly trophies. I kind of wake up and I say Welkin, welkin, anything that can satisfy a werewolf's lust for food.
Speaker 1:Oh, always getting yourself into trouble, aren't you anything that can satisfy a werewolf's lust for food? Oh, always getting yourself into trouble, aren't you?
Speaker 2:I prefer to think of it as entertaining content.
Speaker 1:Well, they desire power.
Speaker 2:What is power? In what capacity? What does that mean? Power over others, power over others. They want to feel big and strong, like big, strong werewolves yes, dominate other creatures or they'll devour them.
Speaker 1:They're very simple in that regard.
Speaker 2:So either be subservient to the werewolf or he eats you.
Speaker 1:Yes, and it's not always that simple.
Speaker 2:Oh, I think I'd rather kill this guy.
Speaker 1:The werewolf's hunger is, it can never be sated. That's the problem.
Speaker 2:So wise you are, that makes sense. How long until sunup? Ben Long time, yeah, yeah, all right.
Speaker 1:So did you want to I don't know try to persuade him to go get the Ramgore or something.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that would be like my best bet at this point, because he's just going to go eat the Ramgore and then the Trogles and he's going to decimate their village. Yeah, no, sorry, I'm thinking. I think I mean pull grip has a point about. We can't really like that. This guy keep roaming around, but we are close to the stump. It's like it's definitely possible. Is it a full moon tonight? Is that what's on? Or is it just every night he changes?
Speaker 1:The moon is big.
Speaker 2:Okay, it's big enough for him to change, because he recently changed. And then he's changing it tonight. All right, yeah, I'm going to try and knock him out again. No, it's just, I don't want him to eat the troggles. You know what I mean. Like let's, let's, let's try to see, like let's try to persuade him to eat the ram gore, and then we'll go back to knocking him out and say, look, look, look, look, look. You know there's a big ram gore up there. It's just ripe and plump and juicy the troggles have, and I think it would say you're hungry, you should give it a shot.
Speaker 1:Alright.
Speaker 2:I'm going to inspire.
Speaker 1:You're minus two.
Speaker 2:So I am minus one overall for my inspiration check Alright Nine. So I am minus one overall for my inspiration check All right.
Speaker 1:Nine. All right, he's like at least intrigued. You see a glimmer in his eye.
Speaker 2:I say you remember it, don't you? You remember seeing the Ramgore? How massive it was.
Speaker 1:Think how powerful you'd feel consuming its ramgore flesh he, he rips, manages to rip the ropes and shreds and like gives a horrible blood curdling howl, and then he like dashes off into the night I just go back to sleep. How can you sleep after that? I?
Speaker 2:start snoring. I turn to Pilgrim and I say look, we've got like an hour of sleep. Hopefully he doesn't decimate the troubles.
Speaker 1:Well, you were sleeping like a baby.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you can sleep on the tortoise tomorrow, it's fine.
Speaker 1:That's much easier said than done, my friend.
Speaker 2:Ben, I am concerned that I've just let this werewolf loose on the troggles themselves. But my successful check. Do you feel like they're safe?
Speaker 1:Yeah, more or less, you know.
Speaker 2:They'll'll flee. He'll eat the ram core yeah, yeah, that's what happened that's what I tell myself to.
Speaker 1:To go back to sleep we did the best we could. You know there's nothing else we could do.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean, like you said, aside from killing him, we did the best we could. There's nothing else we could do. Yeah, I mean, like you said, aside from killing him, and that's not a given.
Speaker 1:You know what I mean. It's a werewolf we're talking about.
Speaker 2:Oh no, it's fine.
Speaker 1:We can handle it. I don't think you understand. I'm talking about a werewolf here, a werewolf, you see this.
Speaker 2:Enhance. It's a werewolf, I say yeah, but they got really nice fur, don't they? Oh?
Speaker 1:that blue color? Yeah, but it's all oily and matted and caked with blood.
Speaker 2:Yeah, maybe he just needs to get it combed out, have a bath. Where does all the oily, matty, caked-in-blood fur go when he changes back into Leslo, that's?
Speaker 1:what I want to know. I don't know. It's witchcraft, it's magic, who knows?
Speaker 2:Exactly, exactly. This poor little jester dude has been traveling his whole life as a jester, entertaining people, making them laugh, and now all he can remember is the blood-curdling screams before they die. Yes, he just needs a bath, he's fine. It's the same thing they've been saying about me. I say look, I'll keep watch the rest of the night.
Speaker 1:You get some rest.
Speaker 2:Oh, thanks, buddy, I will see if I can stay awake Seven. I doze a little bit.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know it's fine, Whatever's happening is happening far away.
Speaker 2:You nod off for a bit.
Speaker 1:I was awake the whole time. I swear you wake up to see Leslo walking back in a stupor.
Speaker 2:Belly just bulging Looks like he's pregnant.
Speaker 1:He does look a little portly.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like we're just cooking breakfast. At that point I'm like, hey, leslo, welcome back. You want any? Uh, and we got some bacon and eggs, that's a thing.
Speaker 1:He like barely acknowledges that you exist. And he just collapses and falls asleep.
Speaker 2:Amazing God it's gonna take. We're gonna have another night of transformation. It's gonna be a problem. I kind of tuck him in while we're eating breakfast and I say, oh, this is going to be a long trip, pulgrim. Fuck, you can go back if you want. This might not be what you signed up for what if we just left him?
Speaker 1:found him later.
Speaker 2:I'm a bulwark, I have to help people alright. I know what you mean, can I?
Speaker 1:tinker during breakfast to repair the shackles he broke. I mean, you don't have the mobile forge, I took it.
Speaker 2:I didn't. I know I didn't. That would be rude. All right, that's fair, that's fair. Let's press on, then, and make a travel check. Maybe we can. Will we travel faster on the Great Slug? You will travel check.
Speaker 1:Will we travel faster? On the Great Slug, you will travel easier.
Speaker 2:That might work out in our advantage. Yeah, we'll just head straight south to the Great Slug. I could actually get to Wally's today and there's cages there we could put him in, I think. Right For the wargs.
Speaker 1:I mean Fort Bulwark might be a better option.
Speaker 2:Also true. Okay, cool, let's go to Fort Bulwark. I'm going to make some travel checks, Tuck Laslo in on the back of FB. Everyone's gotten some rest. That's a 10, nice, so we're gonna go. One, two, make it to the great slug.
Speaker 2:uh, it's just an uneventful journey yeah I say see that gather resources okay, I will not say no to that, I'm just gonna gather straight materials, uh, making a wilderness check. That's 10 as well. I wish I'd saved that for my travel check. So let me roll. I think D6 materials, six materials, six materials, uh.
Speaker 1:I believe you also get a component a component.
Speaker 2:I got to make more bookmarks in this book. There we go Um gather materials nine to 10, one D, six materials in a random elemental component. And do I have those tables in front of me?
Speaker 1:roll a d12 d12.
Speaker 2:Thanks, oh, do you have it, appreciate it? 7, 7 7 where is the forest?
Speaker 1:is fish, herbs, blood pebble a blood pebble.
Speaker 2:I say huh look at this, look at this blood pebble, pebble, pitbull blood pitbull, alright, blood pedal, pebble, pebble, pebble, pitbull, blood pitbull, all right.
Speaker 1:Uh, first day goes by and leslo is completely knocked out just snoring yeah couldn't wake him up.
Speaker 2:You tried yeah, just keep. We just keep binding him. Uh I say, uh, you sure you want to stick around tonight?
Speaker 1:it might get ugly yeah, we're going to the fort, aren't we?
Speaker 2:well, you know, yeah, I just you never know. Yeah, I just you never know. Let me move. Uh, I move into fort bulwark. It's actually been taken over. It's no longer has bulwarks. All the bulwarks are dead.
Speaker 1:It's just me I believe you need to make another check oh yeah, that's right.
Speaker 2:I thought, for some reason, I thought I had rolled it. I willed it into existence. That's nine. That was merciful. For some reason, I thought I had rolled it. I willed it into existence. That's a nine.
Speaker 1:That was merciful, All right. Same story uneventful, Uneventful day. And you roll into Fort Bulwark. They wave you in seeing your helmet.
Speaker 2:Hail paladins.
Speaker 1:Ah, it's Galen.
Speaker 2:It is I, paladin Dundugul, I have arrived in need of help from my fellow bulwarks. This man is a werewolf A what A werewolf. I know, I know we found him on the road. He's a victim of a curse, A curse I seek to break.
Speaker 1:I was going to say I thought werewolves were just werewolves.
Speaker 2:No, no, no, no, just at night, under the fullest of moons.
Speaker 1:They turn into a werewolf. I've seen them.
Speaker 2:In the day too. Hmm, maybe those are reverse werewolves.
Speaker 1:I think those are real werewolves.
Speaker 2:I shake, I wake up Philo. I say Philo, what's the deal?
Speaker 1:Oh yes. Well, it's true, Werewolves, it's all very mysterious, but some say that werewolves are their own species. And yet there are some who have been cursed with the same affliction and are not originally that species. Do you now?
Speaker 2:I do, I do so. There is the? Uh, the species werewolf uh, lupus lupon, and then there is the? Uh the curse, yeah, the cursed werewolves lupus casonius yes, yes, lupus cius. Of course that is the old Eem tongue, latin, latin. Yeah, I say I seek to cleanse him of this curse. I think it's possible, but I would need a cage of some sort to be able to travel with him safely. But I would need a cage of some sort to be able to travel with him safely.
Speaker 1:I've placated the beast for one night, but I worry that again tonight it may become an issue. Cage huh. Yeah, maybe we can repair these shackles and make them better, stronger, faster.
Speaker 2:Well, we could throw him in the jail here. Maybe we can get the witch to give us some kind of cure for him.
Speaker 1:The witch. You're going to see the witch about this. And one other thing, what's that? Do you not have a sense of smell? Man, I stink.
Speaker 2:I thought I thought it was the little guy. No, no, it's me, it's me I'm quite ashamed of it. It interferes with my paladinly duties. I can't help the people when they're retching and reeling from my stench.
Speaker 1:Huh, yeah, I mean that I could see how that would get in the way of things it does. It does. But look, let me give you a word of warning. The Stump Witch. Hmm. She's uh, she's not the easiest person to deal with. What does that mean? She wants things in return for any sort of favor.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean I got a sack of eyes, got some other stuff I can give her, you know. I mean I think it'll be okay.
Speaker 1:Really what other stuff?
Speaker 2:Why does everyone want to know I got stuff, I got stuff, I got stuff.
Speaker 1:You know, I just don't want you to be caught off guard. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2:Well, check this out. I mean, this is a Dungeoneer's Eye of the Shapeshifter. Everyone's clamoring for these, and it's in this wonderfully stylish monocle form Gain holds it up to his eye.
Speaker 1:Oh, I see that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:If you look at him, catch thieves this way.
Speaker 2:Only if they've shapeshifted.
Speaker 1:Hmm, yeah, when you look at Leslo with it. Mm-hmm. What do you?
Speaker 2:see, you see Leslo, but when you look at him as a werewolf, yeah, no, maybe see leslo, but when? You look at him as a werewolf?
Speaker 1:yeah, no, maybe I don't know maybe you see a a weird aura around him. That's less low yeah, it's uh.
Speaker 2:yes, it's uh orange and, based on my aura meter, it's a werewolf. No, I don't know that makes sense to me. Yeah, yeah, and I say and I have this sack of eyes that I bartered for.
Speaker 1:Well, maybe he got all planned out.
Speaker 2:I don't know about that, but it's a start. And check this out, and I show him my lapel, which has rickety stitch pins. Gives me street cred within certain circles.
Speaker 1:I don't like cartoons and comics for kids.
Speaker 2:You know, the witches have eclectic tastes. Perhaps she would like you know, maybe she's a collector of these books as well. You've heard of the stories of Rickety Stitch and the Gelatinous Goo as they travel. No More meta. You haven't. Well, hold on while I tell you the tale. No, I don't. I don't tell them the tale, I say it's a good book.
Speaker 1:Paladin Garrymander likes all that nonsense. Garrymander.
Speaker 2:Is he the guy who's always trying to redraw the lines of the fort?
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know, he's always. He's the one who thought of Bogwatch and all that stuff. He's an old fart.
Speaker 2:All you hear at that point is just like a toot from his butt.
Speaker 1:Pin trading like at Disneyland. Yeah. There's a whole pin trading minigame within Land of Eden. I would do it. I would play it minigame within.
Speaker 2:Land of Hume. I would do it, I would play it. I say well, I would appreciate if you tossed him in jail for the night and watched over him. Hopefully he won't be too much trouble. We'll stay and help through the night and then set off in the morning to the stump.
Speaker 1:Hmm, all right.
Speaker 2:Surely you see we're doing the right thing here, yeah.
Speaker 1:I do Protecting the people from a werewolf, you know.
Speaker 2:And the werewolf from himself.
Speaker 1:I think you should talk to Paladin Rourke though.
Speaker 2:Paladin Rourke. Sorry, captain Creep, I'm sorry, captain Creep Creep. Oh, okay, captain Creep. Captainus. Oh, it was Captainus, I wasn't Captimus. Oh, it was Captimus, I wasn't. I say I march up to the captain's office and I knock professionally in the door the Captimus' offices I say Captimus Crebe. Paladin Dundugul reporting for duty.
Speaker 1:Dundugul. How's Ah, dundugul?
Speaker 2:How's the road been? The road is hard, the road is long, and it has brought me back to Fort Bulwark seeking your aid to help the people. I tell them the story of Leslow, etc.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we can keep him here, but we're going to need you to be more involved in some of the activities going on here.
Speaker 2:What.
Speaker 1:Well, you've been off righting wrongs and do-gooding on your own, as one does, but you know we've got some orders now.
Speaker 2:Let me see these orders. It's like a quest list, like dailies. You got dailies, got some tim dailies. It's a set of wings. I I look over his orders and um see what they look like. Is there a theme? I mean, like you know, is are any of them helping with the Serpati Menace?
Speaker 1:Yeah, there's some bounties.
Speaker 2:Oh, bounty board. All right, I say this one, this one, this one. All right, see you later. No, go on. Like this one, this one. All right, see you later. Now go on. What's the deal and where are the orders from? I mean, I thought the Fort Bulwark was the center of the Paladins and the Bulwarks.
Speaker 1:Yeah, the orders originate from here. The idea is just that you are more beholden to the order. Yeah, makes sense You're going to take advantage of the amenities.
Speaker 2:Amenities the C amenities.
Speaker 1:Because you haven't really been in touch. Yeah, but he's obviously.
Speaker 2:No, that's totally fine, I'm on board for it. Once we get riley back up, we can help these guys out. I I say, uh, what are the most pressing orders?
Speaker 1:we have time sensitive perhaps well, nothing's uh truly time sensitive, but uh, there's just some bandits and thieves and murderers out there.
Speaker 2:Also heard there was a gargle beast I say, were any of them the Nakedonkey Strangler?
Speaker 1:Because we took care of that. Oh oh yeah, we have that written.
Speaker 2:Okay, so make sure we get credit for that and that I also want to make sure that. Okay, where was it?
Speaker 1:yep, we got credit no, no, no.
Speaker 2:I just want to make sure that you've properly honored Paladins Humdy and Hooch yeah, lieutenant, captain came and awarded everything. You have an excellent memory, ben. Yeah, he has aims to one day become Captain.
Speaker 1:Miss Captain, everything you have an excellent memory. Ben, yeah, he has aims to one day become captain, miss Captain. Ah man, I think that he'd be worthy If anyone is worthy, it's him, but I've got a few years left in me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you do, and I kind of like punch him in the shoulder you know, as comrades would and break his arm. No, yeah, he's got strength. Yeah, I knock him through the wall Next. So sorry, there's a Gwargle Beast.
Speaker 1:Yeah, there's a Gwargle Beast. Yeah, there's a Gwargle Beast reported to be seen in the Sounder Hills.
Speaker 2:Sounder Hills To the west, to the weest. Oh, I see it, I see it. Oh yeah, we've been through there, god. Okay, that's not a great place to be. A lot of inhospitable places in lenae, mucklins rather, um, okay, so garglebeast in the sounder hills. I say, what about these, these murderers and thieves? I imagine that actually leslo may have my werewolf companion may have slain some of the bandits that you may be searching for.
Speaker 1:Well, there's lots of bandits and they never leave. You know, they're like roaches Raid. There's Slice Nolgar Tricky Tone Gang Last seen around Edinborn okay there's Uluwar Hangrip and he was last seen near the Dirtnap Dunes, but I doubt he's still around there. He wanted for a heist of a SPL caravan.
Speaker 2:I say, yeah, my quest log is getting kind of full. Maybe we'll stick with those for now. Now I say we'll keep an eye out for them. Surely, and hopefully, you'll still honor my needs for for protecting Leslo, and we will definitely, my companions and I will definitely be on lookout for these, these things.
Speaker 1:All right, it's good to see you again.
Speaker 2:I give him a hero tug. We spend the night and then head out in the morning yeah the cage holds leslo or leslo, I imagine. Yeah, just like the idea of him breaking out and running amok and yeah, just like the idea of him breaking out and running amok in Fort Bulwark.
Speaker 1:It takes out three paladins and gets himself killed, and it's all for nothing. This time you don't get a good night's sleep. What? Because it's just howling and like throughout the echoing, throughout the keep fort.
Speaker 2:Everyone like glares at me in the morning.
Speaker 1:Yeah, everyone's got bags under their eyes, mm-hmm, so uh.
Speaker 2:Or minus one. So tired actually reduces your vim and vigor oh only only, only he says it's not minus one to everything, only my best stats. Yeah, makes sense. Uh, I like it. Um, I like it. We set out for, we set back out to the stump. All right, I make a travel check. I make a travel check. Realms, it's a nine Move back onto the great slug.
Speaker 1:Excellent, all right, so on this next check move back onto the great slug.
Speaker 2:Excellent, all right. So on this next check I'll be short, plus one. Oh, okay, okay, um, I, uh, I turned to pull a grub on the journey. I say you doing okay, buddy, this is what it's like to be out outside of your village and be an adventurer.
Speaker 1:I mean this is great. I've never, I've never seen such wide open plains. It's like we're free.
Speaker 2:Ah that's how I felt when I was up on the mountain. I felt like I was free because I could see for miles. It's all about perspective.
Speaker 1:But it's all so far away, you know.
Speaker 2:Hmm, well, this is all within reach, too, could be a, a bulwark I conscript him I say why not? You'd have to give up. Well, you could be a bulwark of skrockness mountain, if that's thing. You could patrol the hills and secure those lands, yeah, referral payment, yeah the refer a friend um, mount bonus, I want to.
Speaker 2:Uh, you know, if I can get him to subscribe, then I get a free mount. No, I just I think that if he wants to do something more with his life, he could be a bulwark. There's nothing there's no shortage of or there's a no end to the need for good men and not enough bulwarks to go around it's true.
Speaker 1:I say we're dying and breed we'll see how this goes.
Speaker 2:I mean, this is, uh, it's no pressure, uh, no commitment, um, but keep in the back of your head and I make another travel check. It's horrible, but I'm plus one, so it's a four excellent roll a D100. D100.
Speaker 2:D100, d100, d100 yeah, princess, funny bone says I wanted this fanfic to be a one-shot, but I think it's gonna be in chapters. I find that when I write stuff, uh, that I'm excited about it's, it's often better to write as much as you can and then edit down if you really wanted to, but don't limit yourself.
Speaker 1:That's awesome yeah, we're gonna start with an outline for uh land of beam stuff. Hmm. And then it kind of like get a sense of it before you dive into actually writing.
Speaker 2:How often do you feel like that? Welcome to the writer's workshop with James Lipton. Um, how often do you feel like you stray from the outline in terms of like? Just you know, as you write, the arc shifts um with a comic.
Speaker 1:I think a lot cause we're both writing at the same time. Hmm. We outline it together and then you know, we'll have ideas along the way, right. But uh lately we've been writing you way Right, but uh, lately we've been writing, you know, the chapter books.
Speaker 2:Those get to, those are end up being a lot more not regimented but, like, probably stick more to your outlines.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and we've. We've been making like tighter outlines. There's still room to like add stuff, but it's since we're each writing a chapter by ourselves like we don't want to like just go off the rails.
Speaker 2:Give me one chapter, Ben, One chapter six hexes, you know. Six hexes, give me 15.3, 15.5, and four others.
Speaker 1:I'll give you one hex split up into six parts.
Speaker 2:It's going to be the Krogland of hexes. Krogland 2, Electric Boogaloo.
Speaker 1:It's going to be the most jam-packed hex.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:All right, so.
Speaker 2:We're just outside the stump. I don't know what a 75 was, but I rolled it so you see a bunch of goblin lumberjacks no god again, it's always goblin lumberjacks, you know I mean they're everywhere.
Speaker 1:I'm chopping down trees um chopping broccolis but they are running from a moving tree.
Speaker 2:Okay, haven't I run into one of these things before? Is this what I remember outside the pumpkin fields or whatever it was, the pumpkin pumpkin, yeah same thing, this is a beamkin um a beamkin, uh, and typically beamkins are benevolent creatures, right like there's. There's not an evil beamkin out there.
Speaker 1:I mean there are corrupted ones does this look or is it?
Speaker 2:you can't tell by looking at them. They don't look like they have Sith corruption. They're like yellow eyes.
Speaker 1:There's nothing that you can tell it's a Darth Treebeard right this one is tell, but it's a darth treebeard right chasing after these uh lumberjacks and there's like a rumbling sound coming from it, like a weird guttural noise uh.
Speaker 2:I say um, I turn to um, pull a grub and I say you know, one of the first things I learned being an adventurer is that there's always more to it than it seems. I know the goblins seem like they may be the ones in danger, but maybe it's, uh, maybe the tree is just defending itself. I don't know what's going on. Let's. I know the goblins seem like they may be the ones in danger, but Maybe it's, uh, maybe the tree's just defending itself. I don't know what's going on. Let's find out more.
Speaker 1:They're running straight for you everyone.
Speaker 2:Mm-hmm, we just I think, we just stand still, let them pass us.
Speaker 1:Well before they get to you, the beam can like kicks one of the lumberjacks and he goes like flying several, like tens of feet I start laughing uncontrollably uh, one of them screams help, help, help, and then he's kicked. Uh-huh. And then the beam kim is coming towards you.
Speaker 2:Is he gonna kick us?
Speaker 1:It's winding up for a kick. Uh, it's like other ones are passing you.
Speaker 2:Hmm, I say uh, halt beam kim. We're friends, not foes.
Speaker 1:Make a charm. Check Minus your curse.
Speaker 2:Minus my curse. I'm scrolling back up. I have like 17,. Was it 18 pages? 17 pages to scroll through. Every time it's like because the notes are at the bottom, yeah, and then all the stuff is at the top and it's fine. Curse smells so bad. All social checks at disadvantage. So my disadvantage for this, or am I just? I think it's yeah you have been doing that so far, but yeah, I'm also minus two to charm, is that?
Speaker 1:It's not from something else.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's from like being all messed up in my face and all the scars and the other stuff going on, do you?
Speaker 1:still have the scar. Is that permanent?
Speaker 2:I think so. I said, my charm says plus one and always minus two and an additional minus one, so ultimately minus two. My intimidate is plus three, though.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:Because of the scars and everything. So I've really leaned into the Thunder blade apparently. So this is going to go poorly and we're going to get kicked. Yeah, yeah, ben zero.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you're going to get kicked.
Speaker 2:Brace for impact FB. Can she dodge?
Speaker 1:I think. No, I think you could try to jump out of the way.
Speaker 2:I don't want FB to get kicked. That's sad. I'm kicking my tortoise. This beamkin's going down. We burn him to the ground.
Speaker 1:I'm just going to roll damage on you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's fine, I accept.
Speaker 1:Let us see.
Speaker 2:Let us see.
Speaker 1:Let us see. Let us see Five dread.
Speaker 2:Okay, I'm mounted and I block it with my armor. So that's minus two, so three I'm at 25 out of 23. So three, I'm at 25 out of 23.
Speaker 1:All right, you guys are kicked backwards, go tumbling. I say parlay, parlay, beamkin, raw, raw. Raw, it's rumbling and trying to kick after other lumberjacks. You see that he has some axes stuck in him.
Speaker 2:Hmm, they were trying to chop him down. I mean, I don't blame the guy. I think that we just kind of clear off to the side and let this happen. I mean, you know, like you got to Goblin Lumberjack's gotta figure it out. I'm not bound to help them if they're trying to chop down sentient trees.
Speaker 1:Fair enough, I say another rule of being a bulwark is no one to hold him and no one to fold him. Polgrim dusts himself off like well we better get out of here quick.
Speaker 2:He's turning back around, is he really? I look behind him saying he's turning back. I say come on, I help him back aboard fb and we take off all right, make a make a wilderness check fb's. Fb got hurt when she got kicked. You know she's limping a little bit. It's like when bear broke his leg.
Speaker 1:You know, it's just so the situation is like the lumberjacks are just like going in circles, it's like chaotic. The beam kittens like turning around and kicking things and then just get kicked again alright, we get kicked again. I accept getting kicked again, that's fine take four dread, but you get kicked in the direction that you want to go does it actually kick us a whole hex into this dump? That would be funny, but no oh yeah, poor fb.
Speaker 2:I take psychic damage for fb um, every time she gets hurt I I am wounded emotionally, physically, uh. So I'm still at full hit points, but my temporary HPs are gone.
Speaker 1:All right, polgrib is not doing so hot.
Speaker 2:I said Polgrib, you got to stop getting kicked. Buddy, wait, he's in the party, he gets my armor.
Speaker 1:Does he?
Speaker 2:Doesn't he, I guess, does he not? I mean, he can, we can rule it. Now I don't, I don't care, either way, it's fine. Yeah, see. So yeah, he's taking four damage. Then I say, uh, you gotta dust yourself off and I'll, inspiring, order him dust yourself off and I'll inspiring order him. And I do it and I say you gotta be tougher than that if you want to be a bulwark. And I heal him for, says Roland, is I still? I heal him for four. So he's back at full.
Speaker 1:I'm fine. I'm fine, you know just you get knocked down, you pick yourself up and dutch yourself off and it's all good.
Speaker 2:It reminds me of the great ballad Tumba Wumba. You get knocked down and you get up again.
Speaker 1:That's a troll song, isn't it?
Speaker 2:I believe it was a troll bathing song. They would thump the sides of their tubs, Showing our age. Man Showing our age.
Speaker 1:Oh, Georgie boy.
Speaker 2:I offer him a whiskey drink. He drinks a vodka drink. I offer him a lager drink. He drinks a cider drink.
Speaker 1:All right, he drinks a vodka drink. I offer him a lager drink.
Speaker 2:He drinks a cider drink alright, let's that's the end of the day it is yeah, should we just push on to the stump? Just for the sake of things, I'm down you got kicked far enough to be close enough to the stump, to where we just kind of I mean, like I'm just thinking it's, you know, it's, uh, it's 12, 29 yeah, yeah, um make another travel check then. I accept this couldn't possibly be worse than the first one.
Speaker 1:It's the same.
Speaker 2:That's great. Yeah, you got to get rid of all the ones. Now, ben the witch isn't home. There's three werewolves in her hutch. No, I don't have a time crunch, if I was just joking about the time. But um, roll, d100, let's see who is in the witch's hutch 19. Maybe we can do the witch a favor and she'll do us a favor. You know, just saying because it's uh and she'll do us a favor. You know, just saying Because it's a. It's a hard night for Galen and Pole Group.
Speaker 1:I don't know if you guys have done this before.
Speaker 2:What that's always interesting, um always interesting Um do you see a bog roll junkmonger? Bog roll junkmonger. That sounds good, Uh, however he is trapped in a spider web. Oh, I say wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I say I turn to Pilgrim and I smile and I say I got this Ilgath come down here. Ha, is that you Ilgath? Or is it Boggle the one who's responding to me? My name's Boggle Junkmonger Is there an apostrophe in there somewhere.
Speaker 1:Ah, it's just a nickname.
Speaker 2:Oh, I see. How'd you get caught up there? I mean, it's a spider's web, but you look a little high up.
Speaker 1:Well, I was looking for some gold and silver.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Silver Sorry.
Speaker 2:Yeah, oh, I didn't know what you meant. Yeah, Okay, now I do.
Speaker 1:There's lots of gold, silver.
Speaker 2:I see there's lots of gold. It's earful I say, uh yeah, but you're in a spider. Where's the spider?
Speaker 1:That's a good question.
Speaker 2:I hear chittering behind me. Maybe I don't know.
Speaker 1:Well, yeah, definitely do hear some chittering.
Speaker 2:Chitter, chitter bang bang.
Speaker 1:Look if you get me down. Youitter, chitter, bang bang.
Speaker 2:Look if you get me down you know I'll give you some stuff. It doesn't seem so perilous, I get him down because I want to facilitate things. Yeah, I try to cut him down for the web. I say pull, grip, watch my back.
Speaker 1:Let's go butt to butt. Um, yeah, once you get over there, you, you see that, uh, there is a spider, but it's, um, it's really confounded by this mountain of junk that's hilarious.
Speaker 2:It's just like trying to eat the boggle junkmonger, but it keeps eating different pieces of junk and being irritated about it yeah I love it. Um, are we able to to get the junkmonger down without attracting it? Um like is all the junk in his web, yeah, which is like a really funny thought.
Speaker 1:I don't know how it all got up there, but it looks like you know it's like a huge mountain of junk, so he must have like tripped and stumbled into it like backed up into it it's hilarious.
Speaker 2:Um, I say you gotta, we'll get you down. You might have to abandon your junk for a second whoa, whoa, whoa.
Speaker 1:What are you talking about?
Speaker 2:I just said for a second, we're gonna unstrap my livelihood. I know, I know we're gonna unstrap you from your bag no, no, no i't. I'd rather die. I respect it. I respect it. I turn to Pilgrim and I say these are the kind of people you're going to deal with as a bulwark. They're difficult, they're unreasonable.
Speaker 1:But they're the people.
Speaker 2:You can't leave my junk. I know You'll die if you leave your junk. You'd rather die than leave your junk. Your junk is your life. You got junk in your trunk. Um. I say, uh well, how about this? Um, what kind of spider has it been? And does it seem to notice us? Yet I feel like we've been here talking for a while yeah, I think at this point it does notice, yeah it pierce its head.
Speaker 2:It's an inkpot spider I said I see you there, ilgath. I'm just gonna keep trying until one day it works make a, make a charm check.
Speaker 1:Oh no, that disadvantage minus two that's a zero again.
Speaker 2:He's like that's my father. I hate my father.
Speaker 1:He abandoned us.
Speaker 2:I say it's the nature of Inkpot Spiders. You can't be mad at him about that. Did you have a father? He abandoned me. I don't remember what happened with Galen's father. I say but I had a mother.
Speaker 1:My father ate my mother.
Speaker 2:I see why you hate your father. Let's unpack these emotional feelings. I use my Sigmund Freud. I use my Sigmund Freud ability.
Speaker 1:There's nothing to unpack. It just is what it is.
Speaker 2:Then you've moved past it.
Speaker 1:If you want to help me with anything, it's unpack all this stuff and let me get to the juicy insides, where his arms are kind of reaching around towards the bog roll now.
Speaker 2:I say sorry, he's under our protection. You'll have to give him up Bulwark law. I invoke bulwark law.
Speaker 1:Ah, bulwark law. I hate bulwarks.
Speaker 2:I say yes, yes, let him down down. You have to cut him down what am I supposed to eat? Wait for something else to wander in it's been weeks why don't you ever leave your? Why don't you go hunting instead of waiting for idiots like this guy to wander in?
Speaker 1:This is a lot easier.
Speaker 2:So you're a lazy spider I use up less energy. That's fair. That's fair. Go out. Can I offer to?
Speaker 1:Tracing about. You'll be killed by a Blinks.
Speaker 2:Can I offer to hunt for him.
Speaker 1:It has to be live.
Speaker 2:Hmm, can I offer to hunt for him? It has to be live. Are there any live animals I can capture? You think Ben?
Speaker 1:Why don't you make a?
Speaker 2:Wilderness Realms.
Speaker 1:You'll be minus two.
Speaker 2:To catch it live, to do it live is that on top of my penalty for vigor and vim, or what? What is the check that we're making to?
Speaker 2:wilderness, that's okay, okay so yeah, yeah it's no how okay cool. I wasn't sure if there was gonna be a physical component to it. Yeah, it's know-how Okay cool. I wasn't sure if there was going to be a physical component to it. Thunderblade Roy Batty 11. Who's this guy? James came to just witness Galen dying. I'm going to make the wilderness check and we'll see what happens. It's a flat 12 and it's a 6.
Speaker 1:Nice, you've come back with a little jackal rabbit. That's a little after all. Yeah, the downside is it's kind of little.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I say I mean maybe this will do you for now, and I throw the jackal rabbit into the web in the corner opposite the junkmonger.
Speaker 1:We got our own Jimbo Jr here.
Speaker 2:Jimbo Jr.
Speaker 1:Coming in from his honeymoon. Thanks for stopping by, buddy. You know we're just holding down the fort.
Speaker 2:Congrats to you and the missus Indeed.
Speaker 1:Hope you're and the Mrs Indeed, mrs Pox.
Speaker 2:A Baja Blast Mountain Dew. I hope you're drinking a Mountain Dew, baja Blast.
Speaker 1:I hope you went and had a nice Taco Bell dinner. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah.
Speaker 2:Is the Inkpot Spider sated in any capacity?
Speaker 1:Yeah, he's sated. He's a little grumpy, mm-hmm, but it'll do.
Speaker 2:It'll do, pidge. I say you, I say I appreciate you respecting Bulwark Law. I know that he named you Illgath, but what would you rather we call you?
Speaker 1:I don't respect Bulwark Law.
Speaker 2:I just don't want to get my head chopped off well, in a manner of speaking, you are respecting Bulwark Law. By doing that, then Just call me ill. I like it. It's a pleasure doing business with you ill.
Speaker 1:I get this crap out of my web.
Speaker 2:I help him get this crap out of his web. Oh, oh, that was great Come on, come on, move along.
Speaker 1:You should really save my hide.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we even got your junk out too, but let's get out of here before he gets hungry again.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't know how. I guess I just blundered into that web. Silly me. You know, you always got to be careful of your surroundings, especially at night.
Speaker 2:He blunders into another one.
Speaker 1:The stump witch is around here.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we're actually looking for her.
Speaker 1:Yeah, me too. I've come to sell some wares.
Speaker 2:Oh, I say, perhaps together we could barter for some stuff Just in exchange for rescuing you. Hmm, I need help from her. If you didn't notice, I stink horribly.
Speaker 1:Nope, didn't notice.
Speaker 2:I can't tell. If he's being sarcastic, galen gets self-conscious. I don't tell. If he's being sarcastic, galen gets self-conscious.
Speaker 1:I don't know what sarcastic means.
Speaker 2:How do you hear my inner monologue? No, I say I need to be decursified, and I have a compatriot back in Fort Bulwark who's been lycanthropized. I need to get a decursing for him too. I have some things to trade, but I worry that it's not enough, and perhaps you can augment my wherever I fall short. You seem to interact with a stump witch. If you could intervene on our behalf, I'd be grateful yeah what do you mean, yeah?
Speaker 1:She's a little bit of a curmudgeon, you see. Ah yes, not easy to make deals with, but you know I come around every few months on my rounds.
Speaker 2:Well, you know.
Speaker 1:You're free to pick anything out of my mound is it ancient hoard in his back?
Speaker 2:exactly really, what is uh? What does he actually have?
Speaker 3:um, let me see cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool yeah, he's got sort of the equivalent of an ancient word.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:So you can make a flat roll.
Speaker 2:Nice To see if I get a magic item or not. It could still be mundane. What is it A D200? D100.
Speaker 1:That's a D12.
Speaker 2:An 11. I use a quest point Doesn't work that way.
Speaker 1:It could.
Speaker 2:Really, why not? Oh, that's fair, that's cool.
Speaker 1:The difference between 11 and 12 in this situation is Is a magic item versus a magic item and a magnificent item.
Speaker 2:I think, but I can only pick one item anyways, right. No, you could get it I would use a quest point, happily on that. All right, all right, let's do it. Let's do it.
Speaker 1:So, uh well, remind me what to roll, ben, I'm sorry okay, so now you rolled now it's the d2 to d200s, 174 and 130, 130 so you could probably handle the um mundane portion.
Speaker 2:Okay, let me yeah. Oh, I didn't know there was gonna be a mundane stuff as well. I I thought it was just the uh roll the mundane item, then like do the trade, so it was 174,.
Speaker 2:The magic or Uh, sure, sure, I would do it that in that order. Uh, let me find this item list. There it is, is the magic breastplate magnificent oh um. The 130 is a quilted armor piece okay so that was the magnificent item, is the most so magnificent quilted. So then you'd roll a an armored trade okay, and then the 174 is a breastplate, so it's a magic breastplate oh, I was looking up on the master oh, oh, the master list.
Speaker 2:Okay, okay, let me roll the. Is it not the same in the version 4 rulebook? I'm always behind on these things.
Speaker 1:No, there are only 100 magic items in the oh Okay. So let me roll a d100 then. No, you already rolled the. I'm using 174 for the magic item. Okay, I was looking it up for you. Oh, thank you.
Speaker 2:And then the 130 is the other item. Got it, got it, got it, got it, my brain. Uh, magnificent item trades. Here we go. Tools armor, armoire roll D10. It's a nine Sturdy, cannot be broken. And then I don't know what benefits. Quilted armor Probably fits me, but we have it.
Speaker 1:Okay, so what you find is a flower pot, amazing legs does it know how to use them? It looks like a little anthropomorphic flower pot oh, that's amazing.
Speaker 2:I uh give it a gentle pat and I say, hey, the little guy, what's your deal?
Speaker 1:I give it a gentle pat and I say, hey, the little guy, what's your deal?
Speaker 2:Just it points to the soil, I immediately begin to eat it. I don't. I say, oh OK, how exciting, I have some seeds still from these unicorn flowers, just that I happen to have on fb's back and I've been keeping cultivated. I sprinkle them in to see what happens. Or is this going to use up a charge and I'm going to immediately regret it uh, no, it, um.
Speaker 1:it starts swaying back and forth as if to music, once you put it in.
Speaker 2:Oh, I said that's exciting. I say, climb aboard the back of FB. We go visit the witch.
Speaker 1:Uh, would you like to identify it?
Speaker 2:No, yeah, yeah, totally. Uh, you know I'll make a lore check.
Speaker 1:Hugh Laurie. Hugh Shubman Laurie um six all right, you know that it's a wandering garden that's cool and, uh, it seems like you can plant things in it. You don't know exactly how it works, but it looks like it'll grow a plant okay, I say, uh, welcome to the party wandering garden.
Speaker 2:Um, immediately claudia starts scratching the dirt and picking out some of the seeds. She is a chicken after all the garden punches claudia in the. She breathes fire at its pot, but it only squirts it it goes like that. Yeah, I like this fire pot already. That's exciting. I love ridiculous eye objects. So we should continue to the witch, I suppose in the company of Bog Roll, Junk Bonger.
Speaker 1:He's already walking in.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I say oh, wait for me us.
Speaker 1:Huh, yeah, hey. Um, he seems to know where he's going. He's like walking in and stepping over, like roots and stuff. You pass by, you step over what looks like the pale body of some sort of lizard or something it looks like he's been drained of his uh like blood, or like he's just a corpse, or like well, it's like it's only part of it. It's like a long serpentine form that like disappears into the darkness, but like a part of it is in this hallway is it a serpent?
Speaker 1:it looks like a sickly sort of creature is it alive or it's a corpse? You said you have no idea, it's just like part of it here I step over it, I say, uh, pull grip.
Speaker 2:Just better not to touch things if you can avoid them. Or I don't like the looks of this place. I know, I know Sometimes you have to go into some unsavory joints to get stuff done.
Speaker 1:Um, you walk in and it sort of got the feeling of like a Jabba's Palace or something Like really dark. Bwadabwadabw Bwadabwadabw Max.
Speaker 2:Rebo band in the corner. You know it Like really dark. Max Rebo band in the corner. You know it's fine.
Speaker 1:It's the middle of the night but yeah, you hear some raucous laughter and like weird music coming from an audience chamber.
Speaker 2:I love the idea that it's exactly like Jawa's Palace and it's just a party in the witch's cell. Oh, oh, oh, you're going to drop me into a rancor pit here pretty soon.
Speaker 1:The first thing you notice is a big toad like a fat murkatoad, which you've seen before this one is like particularly large, and then next to the toad is a little witch sitting on a throne. I love it, like laughing and clapping and uh, beautiful scene. A little. Uh porch is doing something, you're not even sure what, but everyone's laughing at him.
Speaker 2:He's kind of like stumbling around and does it have like a chain around its neck and it gets yanked periodically I didn't even think about the like the.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I know yeah, it's like a lot going on here.
Speaker 2:That's really funny to me. You can't help but describe Jabba's palace like it's just Bib Fortuna somewhere in the background get to talk about Jabba now yeah, I love it.
Speaker 1:So the boggle junkmonger leads the way and everyone kind of turns towards him and is sort of like this guy Back again. Well, I've got some great new wares. Everybody Step right up, ready to trade, ready to barter. Some great new wares. Everybody step right up, ready to trade, ready to barter. And then the witch notices you two, and she says what is this?
Speaker 2:I look behind me, me yes, you, I take off my helmet. I say I'm but a humble adventurer.
Speaker 1:A bulwark.
Speaker 2:Everyone goes. Oh no, no, I say not today. No one personal business. I seek no quarrel with you. I only seek to barter, to decurse myself and another friend. I say a bog-girled junkmonger can vouch for us. We mean no harm. I don't seek to impose the bulwark laws on you. This is your home, this is your turf. I respect that.
Speaker 1:What are you talking to me? I'm talking to her your turf.
Speaker 2:I respect that. What are?
Speaker 1:you, Are you talking to me? I'm talking to her. Oh oh. The stump witch says I don't care what this fool thinks of you.
Speaker 2:I shrug. It was worth a shot. You know, I don't know how things work around here.
Speaker 1:Look, come closer, you're cursed.
Speaker 2:I'm sure you can smell it. People give me a wide berth.
Speaker 1:She gestures to the orc and says Pigwish.
Speaker 2:Pigwish, that's a great name.
Speaker 1:What sort of curse do you think he has? And the pig sniffs you up and down and he says Bad stench.
Speaker 2:Ooh Perceptive.
Speaker 1:Well, that will cost you.
Speaker 2:I say I come bearing gifts and I open the bag of eyes from the chuggles.
Speaker 1:Pigwish. Look at it for me. He looks inside. He says Eh new ties Fresh Eh Few days old.
Speaker 2:Fresh-ish.
Speaker 1:You'll have to do better than that.
Speaker 2:I say I certainly can, but I also seek to cure a lycanthrope who's been cursed not a true werewolf, but a werewolf by night oh, everyone in the place is shocked. I know, I know he's a goodly sort. I think I don't wish this upon him that one will be more costly than stench.
Speaker 1:Goodly sort, I think. I don't wish this upon him. Oh, that one will be more costly than stench. Hmm.
Speaker 2:I offer up a couple things. I don't want to owe her any favors, so I want to make this a clean trade. I will offer her the Dungeoneer's Eye of the Shapeshifter. I'll say look, look, pigwish, what do you see? I hold it up to his eye.
Speaker 1:Oh, I see everything.
Speaker 2:Everything and I take it away and I say, and it's mine, nah, no, I say I offer this to you. With it, you can see what cannot be seen.
Speaker 1:It's good, madam. It's good, it's very good. Oh. The seeing eye. Add it to the pile.
Speaker 2:I add it, I say how do we stand so far? I know you are not easily sated and I respect you yes, you'll need something really juicy. I thought that was really juicy. I I show her my pin collection. Ah look, pig wish look. I show her my pin collection. Ah look, pigwish Look. Does this not give me street cred?
Speaker 1:Do you not want street cred in certain circles? It's just then that you notice the head end of that serpent that you saw. It looks like this albino molting the head end of that serpent that you saw. Oh, and it looks like this albino molting clench dragon.
Speaker 2:That's amazing.
Speaker 1:And it says disrespect Pins, Get him out of here.
Speaker 2:I favor them, I find value to them, and if you do not, I have other things to offer. But I do not wish to end this audience.
Speaker 1:Then hurry it up. You're ruining our party.
Speaker 2:Okay, fine, I have no entertaining abilities. If only Riley were here. I say look, and I pull out my kobold whistle. I say I know you can command all inferior creatures at your leisure, but this can be quite entertaining and I show it to Pigwish.
Speaker 1:Pigwish looks at it and brings it to the Stump Witch. This is intriguing. I could do many interesting things with this indeed, you could she blows it. You see a kobold like reveal itself from the crowd mm-hmm go fetch me a pouch of gold.
Speaker 2:I guard my pouch of gold.
Speaker 1:The kobold searches around and then just darts out of the stump.
Speaker 2:I clap excitedly.
Speaker 1:I might have to take an expedition to Grimley Wood and use this.
Speaker 2:Ah, are there a lot of kobolds in Grimley Wood oh yes. You could have a kobold army or a dance troupe if you prefer.
Speaker 1:A kobold army.
Speaker 2:To attack the riddle spinning. I've created a supervill villain with a kobold whistle. She only has one charge left, but she's a witch. She can recharge it, I'm sure.
Speaker 1:Oh, yes, I have ways.
Speaker 2:Indeed, you do. I should have come to you to recharge the dragon bolt we could have. I think that was one of the options, wasn't it? I think so. Yeah, it's really funny.
Speaker 1:Why don't you make a check?
Speaker 2:I'm just going to roll a 12. That's an 8. I don't know what the check was. I guess, it would be charm. Let me roll my disadvantage. It's a six.
Speaker 1:It's not the worst, but it also is minus two. Success of the twist she accepts your deal, but she says now, these always don't take immediately immediately.
Speaker 2:But they do take. I say is there anything we can do to ensure that it works? I will dance for you. If that's what it takes, I immediately begin dancing.
Speaker 1:Look, there's no sure things in magic. Hmm.
Speaker 2:Every time she does magic stuff that sound happens, it's wonderful all right, come here I come to her and neil, not in, not in subservience, just out of respect, you know she takes you by the face like looks you over.
Speaker 1:Yeah, she's like ah, it's really set in, isn't it? Yes, it's uh steeped into me all right, pig wish fetch my things. He goes off and he gets all these alchemical ingredients and reagents and tools she pours acid into my eyes yeah, we'll start with the acid eye wash okay, okay, just being thorough, I understand ah, shut up, quit your squirming.
Speaker 2:It hurts so bad?
Speaker 1:All right, I want you to make a metal check.
Speaker 2:Oh boy, these are at Vim and Vigor penalties. So I'm going to do it's just going to be a flat d12. It's a five. I used my last quest point to bump it to a six.
Speaker 1:All right, she says good, you should be sent free tomorrow morning.
Speaker 2:I kiss her hand, I don't because I feel like she'll be offended. I say thank you, kind witch, Thank you I appreciate it.
Speaker 1:Now, where's the lycanthrope?
Speaker 2:I have him caged for his protection. I was hoping it could be a portable cure.
Speaker 1:Hmm, a portable potable.
Speaker 2:Potent potables. I say I do have a. If it's a plant-based cure, I could certainly grow it on the road. I have a wonderful little flower pot here.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's a gnome item.
Speaker 2:Ah yes, it hides behind me because it doesn't like witches.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'd like to get my hands on that.
Speaker 2:I say we have a deal.
Speaker 1:Yes, yes, okay, I will whip up. This potion Must be drunk Within.
Speaker 2:Two days. What are these sounds? Princess Funnybone says you know magic Within two days. I say I appreciate that.
Speaker 1:She hands you the potion after whipping it. It up takes, you know, a few minutes. Meanwhile, pig wish is um tugging on your stuff and looking you over he says do you want a fortune? No, thank you though he asked Polgrub, who says okay.
Speaker 2:Polgrub.
Speaker 1:Polgrub asks if he should become a a bulwark and leave his home on the mountains oh, like that kind of fortune.
Speaker 2:I thought he was trying to tempt us with like a mound of uh you know, like hey, do you want like a fortune? Like yeah like good, um, yeah, that's fine. I mean I would still say no, yeah. So what happens with polar grips?
Speaker 1:uh, pig wish takes out some bones and he's like building a dice pool it's building a dice pool. It's like a really funny concept, it's like putting certain bones in there yeah based on polar grips answers to certain questions like you know, like, what do you love? Like blah, blah blah mm-hmm make a metal check for Polgrub as a 10 the bones say yes, but you will die as a bulwark. I turn to him a noble death.
Speaker 2:There's nothing higher.
Speaker 1:Pogreb says I don't know how to take that Galen.
Speaker 2:I turn to him and I say Polgrib, though you may die in service to the bulwarks, you would die in service to the mucklins, perhaps protecting your village. We'd never know when we're going to die. But if you want to die in your village, we'd never know when we're going to die. But if you want to die in your village safely, maybe of old age, that's fine. Or if you want to be in your village and risk dying to a Scrockwing, that's fine. There's no way of knowing when or where you'll die, but you can take the fortune how you will. I won't begrudge you if you don't join the bulwarks, it's just an option.
Speaker 1:Many roads in this life to walk down paul groves was speechless and uh, you get the the potion. Meanwhile, the boggleunkmonger is trying to trade stuff to the denizens there.
Speaker 2:They all mock him relentlessly. They hate him.
Speaker 1:But he doesn't seem to pick up on anything and he's making horrible trades.
Speaker 2:Like to his disadvantage.
Speaker 1:Yeah, god, like like his disadvantage?
Speaker 2:yeah, god, but he loves the experience of just getting new things and like like whatever, like it doesn't really matter he has a knack for like parlaying whatever items he receives here, like he just has a salesman's knack to turn it into better things out there, even though he's been getting ripped off here. Yeah, claudia and the lizard have been entertaining people in their own little like mosh pit, like all the critters in the room have been moshing together and Claudia is just like shoving them out of the circle Breathing fire. People love it.
Speaker 1:Excellent. It's like early morning by the time you're done here. Guys are exhausted. It's worth it.
Speaker 2:We all take a nap, for the first leg of the day Is that a. Thing you can do.
Speaker 1:If you have somewhere to nap I look around.
Speaker 2:Everyone's passed out on the floor. Just pass out with him. No, could set up camp, I suppose, on the Great Slog itself we should just travel back.
Speaker 1:You want to just do a fast forward? I won't say no, travel back to the same location, just make one check one check to go to Fort Bulwark you'll be at minus one, but plus one because you're on the road plus one minus one, so it'll be a normal travel check yeah, okay no, I'm just making sure I had the math right.
Speaker 2:Um, sweet Twelve, nice, I say. Man, why aren't we traveling on the Great Slugmoor? This is so nice and peaceful, there's like no bandits. There's nothing bad attacking us Making discoveries.
Speaker 1:Well, I mean, last time we were on the road we saw a beamkin who kicked us down the road.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's true. I look at FB's shell. It has a little dent in it that I've been buffing out. I pat her on the back and I say it'll be alright, girl, we're not going to let them kick you again.
Speaker 1:Would you like to roll discovery?
Speaker 2:I would Descubierto. I'm going back to page 61, I think We'll let you 100. Yeah, yeah 33. Michael Delving. Michael Delving.
Speaker 1:Michael Delving Wow, michael Delving.
Speaker 2:Sorry, it just hit me out of nowhere.
Speaker 1:You uh, you find an old uh uh welkin isn't, uh, searching the road?
Speaker 2:isn't phylo sim a welkin Mm-hmm.
Speaker 1:It's like an old welkin. His feathers are kind of mottled and tattered.
Speaker 2:I slow down next to him and I say hail, good sir, hail. I say what is it that you seek? Do you need assistance?
Speaker 1:I've lost a book.
Speaker 2:A book, you say.
Speaker 1:An encyclopedia of fun facts. You know, geez, if you could help me find it one day or bring me back a copy, I'll reward you greatly.
Speaker 2:I say when did you just lose it? Just now, like on the road somewhere.
Speaker 1:No, I took the Great Slug about a month ago and I didn't discover that I lost the book until I got to Crickstop.
Speaker 2:Can I roll a search check in the immediate vicinity?
Speaker 1:Yes, but at disadvantage.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I like it. I mean, I figure you may as well just take a look around. That's not the worst search check. That's an eight. It's not good enough to find here. I use the dark side point. Turn to the dark side.
Speaker 1:Yeah it's worth it into the nethers yeah oh, I take it back.
Speaker 2:It's just a seven anyways, so I'm not even close. I keep thinking I had improved my search. I should do that. Anyway, I'm used to having James around for these things. I say, well, I'll keep an eye out. I say, do you need a lift back? We're going to Fort Bulwark. If, unless, you're going to keep looking.
Speaker 1:Oh, I'm going to keep looking, but if you ever come across, it, head to. Rascleton.
Speaker 2:Rascleton, all right, or head to Raskleton, raskleton, alright. Let me highlight that in my quest log. Encyclopedia of Fun Facts ah yes, I believe it's called the Encyclopedia of Fun Fictania by J Morton Dinglehausen ah yes, j Morton Dinglehausen. What edition was it?
Speaker 1:Oh, it's the sixth edition.
Speaker 2:Ah, sixth edition. It's a good edition, it's a good vintage, Before it got too ridiculous with the fun facts.
Speaker 1:Well, now they're all out of print. Hmm. Can't find it anywhere. You know, if I could just buy one, I would.
Speaker 2:but I can't I understand. I understand good man Do you understand, I do, I do understand. I say well, we'll keep an eye out for it and we'll look you up in Rascleton if we find it.
Speaker 1:Thank you.
Speaker 2:Thank you. Thank you, I say move along. No, I say we'll have a good day. Hopefully you find what you seek.
Speaker 1:Thank you kind, sir Kind sir. Good man, kind sir, all right, you head back to Fort Bulwark. Everyone's super thankful that you're here and no one's gotten sleep. Everyone is a basket case. Yeah. And I grab you by the shoulders and like, do it, you got it right, you got to do it, I got it.
Speaker 2:I got it. I drop it Now. If James were here, he may do that, just to like be on board with his flaw. No, I rush in and I say, lesla, lesla, wake up, you got to drink this.
Speaker 1:What is it?
Speaker 2:A cure. It's probably poison. I never really figured it out, but he takes it. Yeah, I say there's no time for your juggling, just drink it all right, he downs it.
Speaker 1:He says whoa, I feel pretty good and I smell pretty good.
Speaker 2:I feel pretty good.
Speaker 1:And I smell pretty good. Oh, that's right.
Speaker 2:Your stench is gone. Yeah, I say well, leslo, we got to leave you in here tonight, I make sure.
Speaker 1:If everyone gets a good sleep. Why don't we put on like a variety show for them tomorrow, to show you, show them how grateful you are. Well, can you at least let me out right now?
Speaker 2:you know, let me stretch my legs, and is this one of those things where the, the witch, has changed him into like becoming a permanent werewolf? So he's always werewolf and it's gonna happen once I get him out of the cage I was like an evil gem I, I think. Mm-hmm. I open the cage, I say, all right, I'll escort you out for a walk around the yard. Let's get some breakfast in the mess like normal people.
Speaker 1:I know you haven't eaten in a while. Thanks, Thanks. I don't know how I could ever repay you. You know what could I do?
Speaker 2:No, just put on a variety show for the boys at Fort Bulwark, it's gonna bolster their spirits.
Speaker 1:You mean like permanently.
Speaker 2:No, no, no, you mean like one or two nights, if they want you to stay a second night.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, because that's kind of what I was doing for the bandits.
Speaker 2:Oh, do you want to stay permanently.
Speaker 1:Are they gonna knock me around and call me names?
Speaker 2:I mean no, but I think you'd do better at Wally's.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, Wally's.
Speaker 2:Let's do a night here and then we'll go to Wally's on the way back to uh Pologroup's Village. He hasn't had any waffles and worgs yet and I think he's gonna like the hot haunch challenge excellent.
Speaker 1:Uh, how do we want to handle this?
Speaker 2:scene wipe. Uh, no, um, yeah, let's just, we can just kind of like sum up you know we stay the night. Uh, does he change?
Speaker 1:uh, yeah, he changed into a werewolf and just decapitates everybody, including you and and pull group, who he had just made a bulwark dies too.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and the fortune comes true. Polgrub, who he had just made a bulwark dies too. Yeah, and the fortune comes true.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Polgrub has his induction ceremony.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Is he sure that he wants to do it? Does he actually want to?
Speaker 1:I mean only, the GM could possibly know. I think so. The pigwish bones told him that, like that, that's what he should do. And um Leslow entertains the troops. Um, he's not really particularly funny. He's just kind of like so stupid, it's funny yeah, I mean he gets some chuckles and these guys are all exhausted, you know yeah, their bar is low yeah, they're a little delirious at this point but you're questioning whether he's actually gonna make it at wally's yeah like, oh man, maybe yeah man, I'm really excited about going to Wally's.
Speaker 2:I say, when was the last time you redid your material, you know, gave it a good once over? I mean, you've been a werewolf most nights. I know a lot of creativity happens at night.
Speaker 1:Maybe you just haven't had time to make a really good tight five. I've been using this shtick forever. It works right.
Speaker 2:It was great it was good thanks because you can't pick up on the subtlety. Yeah, it's good. I say well, you know. Yeah, it's good. Um I say well, you know, there's only one way to find out. Uh, we'll stay the night um pull ribs of bulwark. Let me add notes.
Speaker 1:I think in the interest of time yeah we'll uh. I think, yeah, I'm fine with that we'll roll to see how he's received at wally's and I love it roll to see how pogrom does with the howling hot challenge. Yes, are you gonna try again?
Speaker 2:no, no, my guts are still bubbling from the howling, the hot, yeah, um. So let's roll first to see how, um leslo, does the d12?
Speaker 1:leslo.
Speaker 2:He's gonna have disadvantage because his material sucks yeah, yeah, he will, it's okay, uh, I roll 2d12 2d12 plus one six.
Speaker 1:He doesn't bomb completely.
Speaker 2:Yeah, he could have had. He could have had a critical success if he didn't, if his material didn't suck so bad yeah, I mean he gets some laughs.
Speaker 1:It's just like uh kind of at his expense, but like that doesn't seem to matter yeah, like that doesn't bother him at all.
Speaker 2:Like he, he just wants to laugh. It's like, and it doesn't bother him at all, like he, he just wants to laugh.
Speaker 1:It's like and it doesn't bother the crowd either. It's like, yeah, good entertainment.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's just thing, the juggling goes over. Well, he's been juggling hot haunches.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but then he was like fumbles it and it's like all plops on his head.
Speaker 2:Yeah, he gets some of the Hans juice in his eyes and he's like, ah, that was the best laugh he got all night. And he's like I don't know if I can keep this up, my eyes are on fire.
Speaker 1:Uh, meanwhile Paul group.
Speaker 2:I say Paul group, are you sure about this? He's like, yeah, yeah, I had the waffles, I got to do the challenge. I say to do the challenge. I say it's not for the faint of heart or stomach it's, uh, it's, deep.
Speaker 1:What is it?
Speaker 2:he's got plus one yeah, but you gotta get 12s right on disadvantage, so he has to roll two 11s basically all right, here's disadvantage coming up.
Speaker 2:Oh, I, I just. I mean, you know, the first bite goes down and he's feeling like a million bucks. He looks at me. He's like you know what I think it's just because I'm younger than you. Uh, you know, I want this more. Uh, I've been having clean living and he just immediately goes hmm, and he just stops and I'm like are you going to be OK? He's like I've never felt this before.
Speaker 1:I've never felt this kind of power in my guts. It's not a good feeling. He runs to the restrooms. Happy Dunstan is in there for only ten minutes. Fulgrove is pacing outside. He's like, hurry up in there, Hurry up, I'm taking a growler in here. Yeah, well you know I got hot haunches on the way out. Yeah, Join the club. Soup cans I? Love it. All right, let's pinhole on that. You know, Next time you'll be back in.
Speaker 2:Back in the village.
Speaker 1:Back in the village.
Speaker 2:Back to the shack, yeah.
Speaker 1:A nice solo adventure for Galen.
Speaker 2:A nice, safe solo adventure. We managed to not get killed, and that's all that's important, thank you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, princess, funnybone and Egg for watching, you know good stuff. Thanks for hanging out. I'm glad we it was a nice test run, you know. It's a little harder to keep things moving. I think A solo adventure.
Speaker 2:We got a seasoned GM, though you know he knows what's up.
Speaker 1:No, no, yeah. We need the help of old Georgie boy here.
Speaker 2:We've been doing this for years. Now we're going to go play some Star Wars cards and watch. Uh, how was the Pat and Rita movie Collision course? Uh, I would do it. I would do a watch along. Um, yeah, thanks everybody for joining us. Um, if you haven't already checked us out in discord, uh, we've got a really active community there. Uh, the link is in the description. All of our YouTube videos, or video on demand or on the YouTube channel, rather, and then you can catch our streams on Twitch as well. Um, what else, ben, drive through rpgcom.
Speaker 1:Yeah yeah, drive through rpgcom. Yeah yeah, you can find the links on the discord. Um, to get you to the drive through rpg where you can download the beta books. Um, we've got, I know we've been saying we've got a kickstarter coming soon.
Speaker 3:Um, it's been delayed a little bit, it's coming soon, but for good reason.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we're itching to make some announcements soon. It's just like gotta wait.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we're waiting for pieces to fall into the right place. Can't jump the gun, yeah on multiple fronts.
Speaker 1:Not just the game.
Speaker 2:Yeah, multiple.
Speaker 1:Multiple. Glad you had fun. Princess Funnybone, it's always awesome having you here and we'll see you next week. I think James will be back and If not, I mean more solo quests. All right, see you next week.
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