Land of Eem: Actual Play
Join Ben Costa, James Parks, and George Higgins as they play the Land of Eem tabletop roleplaying game, inspired by the series of fantasy books: Dungeoneer Adventures and Rickety Stitch and the Gelatinous Goo.
Ben Costa and James Parks are the creators of Dungeoneer Adventures, Rickety Stitch and the Gelatinous Goo, and the tabletop roleplaying game, Land of Eem. They have been friends since the 2nd grade, and love making stuff together.
Lovers of fantasy, they strive to craft tales that celebrate the adventures of unlikely heroes. Ben and James grew up playing tabletop roleplaying games, creating countless characters and collaborative worlds with our pals, a pastime that paved the way for their creative careers, as authors and illustrators.
Land of Eem is a tabletop roleplaying published in partnership with indie game publisher, Exalted Funeral. and is about adventurers exploring and discovering the remnants of a forgotten better age. Described as The Lord of the Rings meets The Muppets, players portray lore-seeking travelers, fortune-seeking pioneers, and adventure-seeking heroes in a time devoid of them. But for all its post-apocalyptic doom and gloom, Land of Eem is tonally quite lighthearted and droll.
Dungeoneer Adventures is a fun, middle-grade fantasy adventure series from Simon & Schuster, about the only human kid attending the adventure school, Dungeoneer Academy. The books are packed with illustrations and available at Target, Barnes & Noble, and Amazon, or you can ask for them wherever books are sold.
Rickety Stitch and the Gelatinous Goo is a fun YA graphic novel series from Random House, about a skeleton bard and his best friend on an epic quest to discover who he was when he was alive. The books are available through Exalted Funeral or online at Amazon, and you can ask for them wherever books are sold.
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Land of Eem: Actual Play
Land of Eem: Fantasy Actual Play S03E13 | The Great Egg Heist
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Join us for another thrilling episode of Land of Eem, where adventure meets unexpected twists, hilarious banter, and high-stakes fantasy! As Galen returns from a solo trek, he finds himself caught in a whirlwind of mystery, magic, and mayhem—all centered around a sorcerer, a peculiar egg, and mischievous harpies.
Set in the charming yet unpredictable village of Polgrub, this episode delves deep into friendship, loyalty, and quick-witted strategy, with Rylee’s sharp humor and unwavering support bringing even more depth to the party’s dynamic. Listeners can expect laugh-out-loud moments, mythical showdowns, and unexpected ethical dilemmas as our heroes struggle to balance heroic duty and mischievous antics.
From outlandish battle tactics involving food to a race against time to protect the egg, this episode is packed with fantasy adventure, humor, and heartwarming camaraderie—perfect for fans of tabletop RPGs and storytelling-driven podcasts.
So grab your snacks, hit play, and prepare for epic laughs, high-stakes quests, and the magical chaos that makes Land of Eem a fan-favorite RPG adventure! Don’t forget to subscribe, share your thoughts, and join us on more whimsical escapades in the Land of Eem!
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Megalopolis Oops.
Speaker 2:Megalopolis.
Speaker 3:Hey, dandy, majesty Hi guys, welcome to the weekend. Am I right? We do got this. Thank you, Dandy Majesty.
Speaker 2:Do we though?
Speaker 3:No, this is off the rails already. We're out of control.
Speaker 2:I don't even have the map up.
Speaker 3:There's no map. We can't, I don't know. We're in the ether. We got all screwed up because I was gone last week and there was an amazing solo quest with Galen and I'm like trying to catch up. She's reading the quest notes. You know Riley's getting the quest notes from Zone Ambach. He's right over. He's here now actually just feeding my headset. What's going on? So I'm ready for some land to beam. I've been looking forward to this.
Speaker 2:Is the aim stream. Yeah, so last week Galen went on a solo adventure to the stump cured his horrible curse of stench.
Speaker 3:I don't smell anymore.
Speaker 2:I'm almost sad you don't smell like farts, no more.
Speaker 3:Well, I smell like farts, but like not completely all the time. It's just when I eat chili Like the rest of us. Yeah, every meal is chili in the land of Veeam. One can of Gourmel chili. I'd eat some Nacadonkey chili. So would I. I'm currently eating nakadonke chili. I mean, it's nearing lunchtime, that's making me feel kind of hung up just a little bit thank you for that on that note, let's uh jump right in.
Speaker 3:That's right. That's right. That's what you can expect from land of eam stream stream. Baby Gotta do some stretches here and I'm ready.
Speaker 2:Alright, let's do it, you guys are back. Yes, chilly deep lore.
Speaker 3:We'll put out 40 pages on chilly lore in the Land of Eem. It's gonna be a whole chapter called CDL Parentheses Chilly deep lore.
Speaker 2:Chilly down. So, you guys are in the village of Polgrub still In the Blunder Bluffs.
Speaker 1:And Riley has been recuperating.
Speaker 2:She's all fine, now Take it away, galen I was going to say.
Speaker 3:I come back in breathless saying Riley, riley, smell me. Oh my God, you smell great. I was so worried about you. Where did you go? I took a bath. It was that easy.
Speaker 2:It was that easy.
Speaker 3:Everyone in chat was telling me to take a bath and I did it. I should take loads of bath, since you got ill with the funk. Actually, every time you told me to go take a bath, I would just go into the bathroom and turn on the water and splash my hand a bit. You're like a kid who just wants a toothbrush.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah.
Speaker 3:I toothbrush everything, it's fine. Yeah, yeah, I tell Riley about the trip to the stump and the boggy marsh. Uh, totally emotionless, except for this heart.
Speaker 2:A fart.
Speaker 3:Yeah, a fart.
Speaker 2:Uh, yeah, oh right, All right. So, um, what do you guys, what do you want to do next? What are your next steps? Well, you know.
Speaker 3:I'm feeling great now that I was able to recuperate, you know, for a whole week, yeah, in the village. And I'm thinking like gosh, like we've got this egg and this evil sorcerer who's aligned themselves with the Gloom King and we don't want to, I don't, I don't want to help the sorcerer out at all. I think we should screw up that person's machinations of darkness. And we've also got Weldar, who we can reach out to, who's back at the stone, aware that the Felmogs are mixed between loyalty and disloyalty to this cult of Gloom King.
Speaker 3:So I think there's much hijinks to be had and itloyalty to this cult of Gloom King. So I think there's much hijinks to be had and it'd be great to see what Weldar has learned over the course of the last. I mean, feels like we've been in the Scrockmest mountain for like two hours, yeah, two weeks Two sessions. How does?
Speaker 1:time pass.
Speaker 3:I mean two weeks of harrowing adventure yeah no it's it's been a good amount, uh, it's been a remarkable amount of time spent. The scrock nest, uh, mountains, um, I think, uh, before we leave the pulgrib village village, I go to Pulgrub and I say, you know, because he decided he ended up becoming a bulwark, did we decide on that? That's true? Yeah, I say, uh, recruiting every day Brother Pulgrub, and I clap my hand on his shoulder and I say the mountain belongs to you. Now, well, I wouldn't put no, that way. I mean in the it's under your protection. I'm not saying you own it in any way. You own the responsibility of guarding its denizens as a, as a bulwark would. If you ever need help, you can seek me out or send word through Fort Bulwark and I will, you know, get here as fast as I can, but Mucklins is pretty big, but I think you can do it.
Speaker 2:Thank you, Galen. Your friendship means the world to me.
Speaker 3:I give him a hero tug Love you too what. I move him outside so Riley can't hear I love you too, man. I just don't want to say it in front of her because she gets upset when I don't say it all the time. We're not a thing, it's just. You know, it's weird. I don't want people to assume. I know, I know, I know, don't worry, don't think about it too much. It cuts to Riley outside of the tent or whatever it is.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:He's probably telling them that he loves them too. He doesn't like to show it no. I mean, she's like my sister, you know I love her, but yeah, Anyway, I love you too, bro. Sounds there, but anyway, you passed the test. I passed it. Oh, I say no, you passed the test and that's why you're a bulwark all right.
Speaker 2:Well, you're welcome here anytime you want, though can't say I'll always be here. I'll be patrolling now I.
Speaker 3:I say, as you should be, I'm trying to think if there's anything I want to give him before we go. Riley, do you have armor? I do not. Do you want this sturdy quilted armor Can't be broken. Yeah, totally, I give it to you. I don't know that it actually provides any other.
Speaker 2:It might provide.
Speaker 3:provide, yeah, it will provide uh, a block, no, the basic Death. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So it would be roll with advantage with Resist Wounds or Defy Death and probably because it's Quilted Armor, she would not receive a disadvantage to sneak.
Speaker 2:Right, I don't know that you get both. Advantage to Resist Wounds. I think it's probably just Defy Death, oh, okay, I don't remember which one, but it is only one resist wounds okay it's because it's a lighter armor I get your benefits, but also you don't get the penalties no penalties.
Speaker 3:This will be good for riley resisting good for me, because uh yeah or defying death, not resisting wounds, right? No, no, no. I don't care if you defy death, I just don't want a pretty face to be. I need to defy death, like every quest yeah, like I'm, I'm super into this. All right, so that's, that's good. I was gonna give that uh to uh pull a grip just now, but, um, I gotta take care of riley first. I think I've given him a spear right.
Speaker 2:Yeah. You don't need to give me anything, buddy, you've given me so much already, like a purpose.
Speaker 3:I give him another hero tag, because those are always welcome.
Speaker 2:Do a double hero tag. Double hero tag turns into a vicious wrestling match yeah, yeah it's one of those awkward wrestling matches where, like the two wrestlers like are smiling at first and it turns yeah serious, yeah, yeah, like they're, like they're smiling and making eye contact, like only making eye contact.
Speaker 3:It's like seems playful, and then, and they're smiling and making eye contact, it's only making eye contact, it seems playful, and then they're so tired they can't let go of each other like boxers.
Speaker 2:Yeah, there's clenching, holding each other up. Let's see who wins that.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:I waste feet of strength on this today. Oh, hold on, let me roll. Let me roll to see I might still roll worse. Come on, galen, yeah. Yeah, paul Grubb taps out, he says oh, you have much to learn, but you put up a good fight. I've just got these dummy thick thighs. It's hard to beat.
Speaker 1:Leans into them, yeah.
Speaker 3:Uses his entire core too. Mm-hmm, All this boggle core. It's also my favorite kind of music, boggle core.
Speaker 2:Arm lock with your legs. I just couldn't get out.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I just, you know, flex my thighs.
Speaker 2:They go from spindly to like bulging.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's very like dragon ball z-esque, yeah, yeah, all right uh, first 15 minutes of just trying to leave the village.
Speaker 2:The village waves you off, except you head down the mountain. Make your first travel check.
Speaker 3:All right, let me do this Plus two. Ooh, I'm going to bump that to a six. Okay, you know, I know it's an early use of a quest point, but I can't tell if. Ben is surprised or happy that quest points are being spent early. Oh yeah, he's always trying to drain those QPs.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, it's all about resource drain. That's number one.
Speaker 3:That's like.
Speaker 2:Number one rule of GMing Not Land of Eam.
Speaker 3:It's crazy.
Speaker 2:Number one rule of GMing that's not Land of Eam, it's crazy. Yeah, number one rule of GMing Resource Strain their resources.
Speaker 3:Crunch the numbers, drain the resources.
Speaker 2:That way they will be put into perilous situations at the end of the session or immediately capture the characters and they have no chance of escape.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you have no agency.
Speaker 3:I was just about to say that take away all, yeah, um, did you already move us, ben or no? No, okay, you only move one I was gonna say was his village not higher up? I might not have moved us all the way last time oh, I moved you back. Oh, okay, okay okay, so we move one, so roll a d6 george charge, charge, charge our banks.
Speaker 2:Four uh, yep, there's bad weather coming down the mountain. It starts pouring, there's, you know, slippery mud slides. Oh jeez, there's a stolen burning. Your next check right now is going to have minus two.
Speaker 3:I turn to Riley and say Riley, you see, anything I can't see through this sleet. She's got one of her boots stuck in the mud and like can't get it out, just like she's trudging forward with suction cup sounds. I don't know. I think it's this way. I'll give it my best shot. I'm going to make that a 6-2. But minus 2. Plus 2. Oh, okay, cool, I'll use a quest point. Okay, not a good sign. Use a quest point. Okay, not a good sign.
Speaker 2:Look at that resource drain. Look at it.
Speaker 3:Look at that smug smile on the GM's face.
Speaker 2:I wasn't even smiling, I know, but I could feel it it's.
Speaker 3:George projecting it, yeah.
Speaker 2:So roll a D6.
Speaker 3:Oh sorry, dome, dome, dome, dome dome dome, dome, dome Five, oh sorry, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb Five, nice, nice, nice, oh yeah.
Speaker 2:You attracted some unwanted attention Coming down the mountain. It's more harpies.
Speaker 3:Harpies, harpy, harpy. All right, so that's your first day of travel.
Speaker 2:It's more harpies, harpies, harpy. Alright, so that's your first day of travel. You can probably move another hex bless you.
Speaker 3:Thank you, I muted myself right. You just saw it. Yeah, did I blow your ears out? I'm so sorry. No, no, no, you were muted. I just saw you sneeze it was a mute point, wow that's true, all right.
Speaker 2:So, uh, what are you guys doing? Tell me what you're doing.
Speaker 3:You tell me well, well, george, okay, we got a bunker down for the night right. Yeah, we got a bunker down. We're a hex away. I do not want to go to the stone. Minus one, yeah. Minus one, yeah, same. Let's pitch camp. And I do it, I pitch camp. It's pitched, it's totally pitched. Yeah, let's kind of settle in um ben. Is the weather still inclement? Yeah yeah, it's still raining I uh, we kind of like pitch a tent to the side of FB.
Speaker 2:Like a lean to.
Speaker 3:Yeah, like a lean to yeah.
Speaker 1:And try to get a fire going.
Speaker 3:Yeah, like Riley will work on stoking kind of a sad fire.
Speaker 3:She can barely get the embers up and it's not providing a lot of warmth. It's a dreary, dreary night and she can't help it. You know, think about being back at the village Like it was night and she can't help but think about being back at the village, even though she was recuperating. It was a wonderful respite from just this trudge through Skrock Nest, between the giant Skrock Wing attacking and the Harpies and the spider. She's just like you know, despite it all, even though tonight sucks, she still feels kind of good that they, that they're leaving this place. Yeah, agreed, I mean galen was already missing the home-cooked meals from pulgar's village. Uh, as we kind of bust out our nakadononkey Tube stakes, sure gonna miss those pancakes. Yeah, flapjacks, flapjacks, as far as the eye can see, like 40 short stacks. Ben, could we have procured some rations from Polgrim's Village before we left?
Speaker 1:Big boy rules, I knew you were going to say big boy rules.
Speaker 3:Man, I was on the tip of my tongue, I know I. I just looked out of my sheet and I have none left. I have no rations. I got, I got one and one. I mean we can, we still can survive like I'm not what?
Speaker 2:what you could have procured was like food for the day. Okay rations, but like that would, would be irrational. Perishables.
Speaker 3:Turkey jerky and a bag of seeds. Yeah, we got like a bucket of yogurt from them, because that's what they make.
Speaker 2:What I mean is fresh meat that's not going to keep, that you're going to have to eat. I can cook it up.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I'll cook it up Tonight we feast. I think, while we're settling in for the night, we'll settle in for the night. Galen asked Riley. He's like. So, Riley, what did you do while I was gone? Well, you know, I had a lot of time to myself.
Speaker 3:I slept the first. You know, couple just trying to, just trying to get that. But then I had some time to myself, time to think about things, and I got to know some people in the village and they taught me some recipes and it just felt like I was on a little vacation. Don't get me wrong. I was worried sick about you but it was uh. You know it was nice to take the time to smell the roses. Now you can smell them.
Speaker 3:When I was gone you know it's, it was although I I was a little upset to hear that you, you went on a on a trip, uh, without me. I was concerned about you. It's dangerous. Yeah, I'm never doing that again. That was a terrible idea. I feel like I always almost die when you're not around. Same, I'm trying to see. Let me just make sure there's nothing.
Speaker 3:I tell her, oh, yeah, I tell what's it called? Was it the? We fought a werewolf. Was that what it was? Yeah, leslo. I tell her about Leslo the jester and I say, oh, this guy, we met this jester on the road. You would have liked the guy. He was actually like pretty funny. He was like a juggler and stuff. Uh, had a really dry comedy routine. We kind of spoke to me. Um, he turned into a werewolf. We had to keep chaining him up at night. Oh my gosh, yeah, we, we bartered away some of our her uh goods with the the witch to get him a cure too. So maybe we'll run into him over at wally's. I think he's doing some stand-up there still oh that's great.
Speaker 3:Well, I miss wally's. It'll be nice to get down there yeah out of this mountain, away from the stone and all of our troubles just then you hear the jingling of jewelry Very familiar sound, harpies, yeah.
Speaker 2:And then you look up and you see shapes circling above you. We found them. We found them At last.
Speaker 3:I say, come on then, tricksters, I'm going to use, I'm going to use I for clues, okay, and rummage. And remember that when I was looking, when I found the fresh meat and a couple of herbs and spices, they also had some fruit in there, and one of them was an apple From the village Noish, he's going to clunk. And one of them was an apple from the village Noish, he's going to clunk him on the head with an apple. I think I can't remember. The lore guy said something about apples and harpies.
Speaker 1:The Welkin spirit Welkin Phylo Sim.
Speaker 3:Phylo Sim. Of course, phylo Phylo Sim.
Speaker 2:Alright, alright, Roll it up. What are you doing?
Speaker 3:Bear, what's going on down there? Eight I could make it a nine.
Speaker 2:Do you want to?
Speaker 3:Yes, yes, I do.
Speaker 2:Okay, there are actually a few apples.
Speaker 3:I'll grab one. Grab them and like toss one to Galen and say, remember what Philo Sim said.
Speaker 2:They hate apples.
Speaker 3:I'll take a bite of the apple. Oh, no, no.
Speaker 2:Oh, my God no don't do it.
Speaker 3:Yeah, he said an apple a day keeps the harpies away. Actually, yeah, I'll take a bite of one too now. Yeah. I taste like apples but dude, I spit apples at them and I start like frothing at the mouth.
Speaker 2:It's all like apple cider um, yeah, I'll let you uh throw these as an action um wait, james did, did you?
Speaker 3:you I've Wait, james, I have a clue of the apples, but let me do a thing. Sorry, ben, didn't mean to interrupt you. Discerning I, I want to make this apple aversion come true, not me.
Speaker 2:It already is true.
Speaker 3:Oh, it already is true, okay, cool.
Speaker 2:Yeah, when we talk about phylo-im, it's a thing about Harpies.
Speaker 3:I didn't actually it's listed on the creature as a weakness. It's hilarious. I had no idea. Every creature has that. Actually, we just don't know what. Every time we run into a creature, we should just start throwing our foodstuffs at it. Yeah, I wouldn't say everyone, but Everyone, everyone, everyone, everyone, like Gary Oldman.
Speaker 2:Yeah, all right. So, galen, do you want to throw the apple?
Speaker 3:Sorry, I have a bear problem. Hey, bear, yes, I do. Was he scrambling all over your desk? He was scrambling below the desk, so I picked him up to see what his issue was and he had nothing to say for himself. I throw an apple, that's an attack, it goes wide.
Speaker 2:Wide goes wide, wide Too wide. Do you want to use a quest point?
Speaker 3:I mean a six wouldn't hit right. It has to be a nine.
Speaker 2:Because you're throwing it Right yeah.
Speaker 3:I take it all back. I actually took the apple and I just shoved it down the nearest one's gullet.
Speaker 2:They're flying above you Exactly.
Speaker 1:No, that's fine. It goes wide and a squirrel catches it.
Speaker 3:It's like the greatest day of its life. Next action a squirrel catches another one.
Speaker 1:Bing Wow.
Speaker 3:Alright, so yeah, I missed, but there's an apple out there somewhere with his harpy's name on it.
Speaker 2:Alright, um, oh boy, guess they're gonna attack you. They come screeching down from the sky and attack you, galen except I'm plus zero so that will be a miss on the first one, but it kind of spins you around and the next one gets a plus one to its attack. That would be a critical hit it was a faint maneuver.
Speaker 3:It's all on purpose.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes so that is um two, four plus an additional two, so six. Dread as it kind of picks you up and slams you on the ground. Okay, sharp talons. Harpies have sharp talons Do harpies have sharp talons.
Speaker 3:Oops, I meant to just write 23 out of 23. So it takes away my temporary armor, the five HPs I have, and then I block one with my actual armor. But it awakens something within Galen A blade of thunder, yes.
Speaker 2:The next one attacks Riley. Yes, Nice. Yes, it whiffs, but it notices your apples and it shrieks and says Get it, Get it.
Speaker 3:They all have apples.
Speaker 2:I know what I want to do.
Speaker 3:Does it involve saying how do you like them apples at all? So I'll admit, yes, okay, all right to that. But um, I'm gonna like I want to swing around and clock it on the head with the apple, like the apple is a rock and like oh nice smash it on its head nice so it gets apple all over itself okay, that will mean it's going to be the next round.
Speaker 2:I'll let your apple attacks be actions like pre-combat, if that's what you want to do yeah, I do.
Speaker 3:I want to just like, like a pie in the face, smash an apple on its brain. It's five. I could use a quest point.
Speaker 2:Their defense is actually minus one yeah.
Speaker 3:Maybe Riley could set me up for an awesome Apple-based attack. Yeah, I'm wary to use quest points. I've used two already. I just take a swing at it. I just swing at the other Galen.
Speaker 2:What are you doing?
Speaker 3:I put an apple on the end of my sword axe. I cover the blade of my axe in apple juice.
Speaker 2:I anoint my axe with apple juice.
Speaker 3:It's like weapon oils, but it's you know.
Speaker 2:Let's say that's going to take your action.
Speaker 3:I'm fine with that. I think this is just so stupid and I love it Running an apple across the plate of your axe.
Speaker 2:I want it to instill fear into them that I have an apple based weapon that's funny they start talking about how you know you've destroyed their coven like everyone was eaten by fangle it's fine they're not wrong they've come for revenge.
Speaker 3:Yes, enchanted weaponry. Dandy Majesty With an apple emoji, that's hilarious. Yes, land of Eam, anything can be magical, or weaponry, or weaponry.
Speaker 2:Okay, Riley, you were attacked. Another horrible whiff.
Speaker 3:I'm glad of it, though, because we've got these apples and done nothing. Galen, that was also a miss it's concerning when Ben misses, because I feel like it's just going to be the next time. As a crit, it's like I know it scares the heck out of me, I know.
Speaker 2:It's all probability. You know what I mean.
Speaker 3:Probability Dice roll is broken. Call Elliot.
Speaker 2:So this harpy misses you, but um, she whiffs and uh kind of destroys your camp. Oh, mm. Mm, mm, nah, now it's raining on us.
Speaker 1:Yeah, mm-mm, nuh-uh.
Speaker 3:Now it's raining on us.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's raining.
Speaker 3:It's raining on.
Speaker 2:Promnik. Everything is slick, so we're on Slippy Rocks now.
Speaker 1:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:And um, next attack, that is a hit with a counter attack. Okay, actually you can't counter them.
Speaker 3:Sorry, that's right, I forgot about that.
Speaker 2:Harp is so. It's a five, five. Dread to you. As it swoops in and gets out of range, you whiff with your axe.
Speaker 3:Oh, okay me Sorry, I didn't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I accept, accept your five dread. No, it's math. Alright, Alright, it's the next math All right.
Speaker 2:All right, it's the next round now, because you guys have been taking actions pre-combat, so I believe you want to attack your axe.
Speaker 3:Do I have to roll?
Speaker 2:perception right? Yeah, riley, what are you doing, nice?
Speaker 3:I'm'm gonna try to uh peg one with an apple. How many apples you got in that sack anyways? You're running low on apples yeah, actually I might try to.
Speaker 2:Although you probably already have one in your hand? Yeah, I do, because I just try to smash it.
Speaker 3:Smash, it, are they?
Speaker 2:still flying around or are they on the ground? By nature of their wings, they're just like shifty.
Speaker 3:Yeah, they don't stay on the ground. Okay, then what I will do is try to. I'm going to take the apple I'm holding in my hand and try to peg one, just toss it.
Speaker 2:Cool, go for it, dude.
Speaker 3:The squirrel catches it in a tree, giggles again guys are rolling pretty bad.
Speaker 2:Huh, yeah, bad rolls man.
Speaker 3:I don't know about that, benny boy. I know that they're minus one defense, but at least it's a ten. Yeah, and my apple coated blade. I know that they're minus one defense, but at least it's a 10. Yeah, and my apple coated blade. Uh, slices into a Harpy and it begins to bleed. Um, and the apple juice gets in its cut and it hates it.
Speaker 2:It takes uh eight damage plus one for the bleed. Yeah, it gets sliced up in feathers. Poof in your face.
Speaker 3:It's like when you run over a pigeon.
Speaker 2:It screeches out saying it burns, it burns, and starts flapping backwards away from me.
Speaker 1:Applesauce no.
Speaker 3:Screaming applesauce.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I'm going to make a morale check for these folks. See how they react to an apple actually connecting.
Speaker 1:So far it's just been threads.
Speaker 2:Alright, some metal check.
Speaker 3:If you roll a one, do they just vaporize yeah?
Speaker 2:Well, they definitely failed. And they yell Retreat, Retreat.
Speaker 1:That's right, that's right, get out of here.
Speaker 3:I'm gonna give short chase after them and haphazardly throw apples in the air, screaming like Bill Murray in.
Speaker 2:Ghostbusters.
Speaker 3:Because I'm the one that's scared.
Speaker 2:Finally you see one of your apples actually connect. The harpy just plummets in the distance.
Speaker 3:I raise up my walking stick and just like bark at it like a Tusken Raider. Yeah, exactly, exactly, because it's not a land of Eam's dream, if Riley doesn't lose it at least once. Classic.
Speaker 2:All right, um classic, all right you, uh, I mean, I didn't make any of that up, it was a 76 harpies hey, you know it was meant to be instantly attack
Speaker 3:it's wild, this mountain, I tell you it giveth. Oh, oh, yeah. Well, our camp destroyed. We're the mud. We have no way to dry out the tent. I mean, I feel like we would still just kind of cover up and try to stoke another fire and maybe cook some food to recover some HPs. Yeah, I'm going to. I can cook the food that we have. Okay, um, for a D 10, two, unfortunately. Um and I'll. I'm going to curl up next to FBs like giant head. I'm going to like sleep on her giant giant head, like a cat sleeping on a cushion. The problem is she's cold-blooded, so she actually just saps heat away from you. It's like sleeping on an air conditioner.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:I wake up, I'm frozen to death. Yeah, fb.
Speaker 1:Not again.
Speaker 3:You and your mummy touch Wow, mummy touch Get out this shovel.
Speaker 2:I've got another one to bury.
Speaker 3:We bury, like the 12th Riley. That's horrible. Just keep cloning Riley. It's my only magical power. Well, what a rough night. Yeah, it's my only magical power. Ugh, well, what a rough night. Yeah, it's fine. I say it'll be better once we get out of the Blender Bluffs.
Speaker 2:Blender Blurfs. True, that brother.
Speaker 3:Blender Blurfs. High five him Ha.
Speaker 2:The rest of the night passes without incident and morning comes. It was a rough night, you know, not the best sleep, but the rain has passed.
Speaker 3:by the time you get to wake up, you're one hex away from the stone yeah, let's, let's do it, let's rig up the turtle tortoise, rig it our way down, tony, it's a critical discovery zone. Thank you, boom shakalaka cool.
Speaker 2:Oh, thank you. Boom Shagalaka, cool, cool, Roll a D100.
Speaker 3:I do it. Sir Hellnard of the Red seeks us out and actually apologizes for causing us so much inconvenience. I'm really sorry. Guys Having a bad week, low blood sugar. Yeah, I hadn't eaten. I usually keep snacks in my armor, but I was out. I usually stop at this village and get a bunch of apples, but they were fresh out you find what looks to be like an abandoned, like small.
Speaker 2:It's not like a huge watchtower, but it's like a post, maybe a watch post okay kind of obscured by brush and stuff and it's. It's within the stone, is within view, seems like maybe people were watching from here.
Speaker 1:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 3:This is a good vantage point. Huh, Sorry, I was resolving something in a different window. So you said Ben, you said we have just kind of a vantage point and a view of the stone yeah, sort of like a little watch post area but it was for people who are watching the stone and not not for like lookouts for the stone to be watching out elsewhere you haven't investigated, oh okay, yeah, I will investigate, see if there's any like notes or um, maybe they, maybe they've got some rations or something yeah some supplies they've left or abandoned hello.
Speaker 3:I'll call out as we approach it.
Speaker 2:It looks to be very abandoned. When you go inside you see that there is a bulwark emblem.
Speaker 3:Huh, I'll, um Galen, check this out. It looks like this used to be a bulwark outpost. I can feel it in my bulwark bones, I begin to investigate. I in my bulwark bones, I begin to investigate. I make a bulwark check to see if I can find the hidden bulwark cache that they always leave behind, just willing treasure.
Speaker 2:There's not a cache, there's like a nice bedroll, you know oh, okay I like there's um, there's some basic furniture, so it looks like someone was living here. You know like ah, I see um, but it looks like it's been abandoned for some time, you know.
Speaker 3:Okay, for whatever reason uh are there any like bulletin boards or books or anything where there would be records, like trunks or anything that we could scour through for for information sure, yeah, there's like the log oh, interesting. I'll crack that open and start reading it aloud to no it's forbidden bulwark logs. He snatches it out of my hand yeah you're not the Bulwark log. No, yeah, I mean I was just going to start saying things, but I don't feel that's fair.
Speaker 2:Go ahead, go ahead.
Speaker 3:Yeah that sounds great. You got something. It's going to read that it looks like this was an outpost. The bulwarks were originally built to keep an eye on Scrockness Mountain because the Scrockwings are always trouble during the summertime and though, like over the course of several years, there's been concern about nefarious doings going on at the stone. One instance in particular is that Sorry, I was reading something. One thing in particular is that lots of more than normal Felmog Outriders that are not wearing the Outrider symbol but they're wearing the symbol of their house have been visiting the stone and specifically visiting the tower that's in the center of it. So the Bulwarks want to keep an eye on it because, you know, the Black Handle guys are always.
Speaker 3:Yeah, the Felmog influence the Mucklons, so this is worse than or? I could have told them that I knew that, but I didn't but I didn't tell them that they don't know yet, so uh, maybe we can take this log back to them, does it? Does it seem it seems recent, right um, maybe we can take this log back to them.
Speaker 2:It seems recent, right, fairly recent.
Speaker 3:In the last months. Is there any indication of what happened to the people who were observing from this post? There doesn't seem to be a scuffle or anything. They've just abandoned it. It's like, as he says, that I'll open up a closet, looking for any kind of food stuff some skeletons will spill out.
Speaker 2:I'm kidding, I'm kidding.
Speaker 3:No, that makes no sense, because why would the?
Speaker 2:log be left. Yeah what? I'll just say that it was actually. Who's the guy that died?
Speaker 3:oh, the bulwark guy, that was lieutenant captain. No, he survived. Yeah, lieutenant captain survived hooch hoodle.
Speaker 1:Lieutenant Captain. No, did he survive? Yeah, lieutenant Captain, survived Hooch.
Speaker 3:Hoodle, it's as good a guess as any. No, no, no, I got Hooch and Humdy. Hooch and Humdy, that's right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it was Hooch. Hooch Hooch was manning this post.
Speaker 1:Oh man. It's a lawsuit.
Speaker 3:We have a moment of silence for Hooch, and then I break it by saying oh wow, I found some crackers. Hey, hand some over. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:So good. Well, no Well still, by the way, um.
Speaker 3:Okay, well, maybe we could use this place as like a getaway or something. This place could be helpful as like a getaway or something. This place could be helpful as like a hideout. I like it Like after a heist. Let me mark it on the map I can't win.
Speaker 2:We're just behind the scenes. We're messing with George's audio setup.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I changed a bunch of things and everything is like falling apart catastrophically, and I love it because it's terrible it happens such is life, alright, carry on, move along. It happens. Yeah, such is life, alright, carry on Move along here, how do you?
Speaker 3:want to approach the stone. Well, this, I'm serious that this place could be like a meeting point. Maybe Weldar could flop here if he's hiding it's a getaway spot when we go to the stone. As we approach the stone, we should like tell him like hey, there's a hideout, like an old bulwark thing. They're totally on to what's going on with the fell mugs. We can't give this egg to whatever like. I think that's the her, are you?
Speaker 2:know the egg here or something. Are you gonna bring the egg? What are you doing with the egg? Are?
Speaker 1:you going to?
Speaker 2:approach the stone during daylight.
Speaker 3:You're gonna wait till night man, if I had to stick a dynamite, I'd find a way to put it in the egg. You're gonna kill the little scruffy inside not that we're not doing that by sending it into this. Yeah, um, into this, yeah, um, I mean it's really it's very it's very on brand. We call this a. Nakedaki omelet.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's when you whip up some eggs and you cook them in dynamite.
Speaker 3:That's a spicy omelet, you know that's spicy as all get out. Let me tell you.
Speaker 2:Put them in an explosion-proof box.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:It's like an iron-banded lead box that the cube of egg is served in. Cook it in dynamite. All right, let's go under cover of darkness, georgie.
Speaker 2:I pull a black one. Should we leave the?
Speaker 3:egg here. I don't know what to do with the egg. I have no idea. We're just slogging this giant egg around. What could be really funny is if we just hung on to the egg indefinitely and then it hatched and it imprinted on you and you were its mom and that was your flying machine oh yeah, what happened to your flying machine?
Speaker 2:is it just? Strapped to the back of fb it's like oh no, we're dragging, yeah, we're dragging it on a sled.
Speaker 3:Yeah, we fashioned a sled. Yeah, I just had an idea that will totally throw a wrench in the works. I mean, these are the best kinds of ideas. I might do it right at the moment of truth with the egg. Nice, okay, let's go into town.
Speaker 1:Let's do it.
Speaker 3:Do you guys have a plan? No, um, no, maybe talk to weld our first and get a lay of the land, see like how safe or dangerous everything is. Let's go to the cafeteria and just like sit awkwardly at a table like a long table by ourselves, like no one sits with us. Everyone kind of like eyes us weirdly well at least I don't smell anymore it's nighttime.
Speaker 2:um, you know, there's the main gate which has guards there, and there's a big uh, what's called called Gate Portcullis.
Speaker 3:Yes, it's on the tip of our tongues. We all know Portcullis.
Speaker 2:Weldar also took you out of a secret and exit, basically on the side.
Speaker 3:Do we think we can get back in that way?
Speaker 2:It's possible, but I'll have to uh break in.
Speaker 3:I will give it a shot yeah, maybe it's a mechanical thing that you can, mechanical thing um thing. Yeah, I'll try to tinker it open if it's a door.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:Okay, well, make a sneak check.
Speaker 3:eight Galen oh, I just figured something out, sorry. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Life is good, except for the sneak check. I'm about to make sneak check. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Life is good, except for the sneak check. I'm about to make Sneak check Minus four billion, so it's a five. It's like a four. And you know what? With my armor, I think I have disadvantage. So let's see how much lower we can go. It's a three.
Speaker 2:I knew we could go lower.
Speaker 3:We could always go lower. Of course it has to play out Riley, Riley. Where'd you go, Riley? So Riley, where'd you?
Speaker 1:go.
Speaker 2:Riley, riley. So Riley, you turn around and Galen, like you guys are on the perimeter of the stone, like kind of far away from the main gate. There's a patrolling guard who stops you. Galen Says what are you doing?
Speaker 3:What are you doing? I say look at my axe, not axe. Now my face, now back to my axe. Can't you tell I'm one of you?
Speaker 2:a bog girl?
Speaker 3:I don't think so, um am I, you're not a bog girl, I'm a bog girl. Get lost, you get lost. I say um, okay, draws a sword I say I was going to run up and tell them both to shut up.
Speaker 3:Be like, shut up, Both of you guys. What are you trying to do? Blow the whole operation. The sorcerer is going to be pissed. I'm tired of working for that guy If we don't go through the secret entrance and get him what he wants. I don't want to be the person who gets in his way.
Speaker 2:Well, make a trickery check at minus two.
Speaker 1:That'll do it, no, no.
Speaker 3:Riley turns to me and says Get him, get him, galen, stink attack. No, no, riley. Riley turns to me and says get him, uh, sneak attack, surprise attack. Well he's not surprised like yeah, he's there literally, his purpose is to be vigilant, to be vigilant. God, I hate this guy. I'm going to ask him if he wants an apple and then, george, you can punch him in the face.
Speaker 2:Hey, apple uh, yeah, so, um yeah, you're in a conflict, you're in a conflict, you're in a conflict I mean we're both in a conflict together.
Speaker 3:That's true yeah conflicts are shared.
Speaker 2:Remember that I would say the, the one. It takes two to come. Right spots in this conflict is that it's a single guard and you're sort of far away from people, um. So how do you want to handle this um?
Speaker 3:I am gonna do the thing that riley tried to do earlier, where she's trying to like cudgel someone with apples, except I'm going to do two apples in both my hands and just Gallagher his head with a feat of strength. I love that he's wearing a helmet doesn't matter, tin can baby, just crush it you're gonna thunderclap him.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it's 100%. That's all I want to do right now is thunderclap this guy's brain. Um, can I make like a Ben, can I do a feat of strength to do a knockout, or is this more gonna be have to be combat, and then we're going to have to slowly whittle them down?
Speaker 1:um I don't know.
Speaker 2:I feel like you'd have to have something apples no, yeah, yeah, no, that's, that's fair, that's fair there are, like some other, abilities that allow you, like the rascal has something like that um, what if I tossed him the?
Speaker 3:nimbus hammer to like clock him twice to knock him out. Oh, I mean, I feel like you should hold on that because we'll probably get into combat with this guy. I'm going to attack him with the Fedwar, great Axe of the Octopus, and I'm going to roll an 8, ben.
Speaker 2:Dandy Majesty thank you so? Much.
Speaker 3:Have a good one, Dandy Majesty. Yeah, have a great one. Tell your little brother happy birthday.
Speaker 1:Yeah, have a great one. Tell your little brother happy birthday. Happy, happy birthday.
Speaker 2:But yeah, george, I would say I think you'd have to augment it with something not apples.
Speaker 3:No One creature had a weakness to it. Uh, okay, give me two seconds. Whatever you do, george, I want to pep talk you before you do it, so you get advantage. Well, I feel like I could druidic rope him like tie him up and stuff an apple in his mouth so he can't talk right like hog tie apple is my solution for everything because of george. Now, yeah, it's just the way it has to be. We can't talk right Like hog tie Apple is my solution for everything because of George. Now, yeah, it's just the way it has to be, literally hog time.
Speaker 3:Pretty sure you guys are out of apples, pretty sure you're wrong. Do we have any more Nakataki tube steaks? We'll put that in his mouth, not wasting rashes on this guy.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, You're just going to suffocate this man with tube sticks.
Speaker 1:we'll put that in his mouth. We're not wasting rashes on this guy.
Speaker 3:Oh yeah, you're just trying to suffocate this man with tube sticks. When you say it like that no, I want so bad I want to capture him, like so he's like all embarrassed, tied up with something like a rag in his mouth, and then we like break in, yeah, I'm, yeah, okay. So, ben, I I'll wrestle him and we'll druidic rope him, and if he starts screaming, riley will jam an apple in his mouth.
Speaker 2:Okay, roll, roll initiative.
Speaker 3:Something, something Issue-tube, uh, something, oh yeah, is she too this is gonna be funny, because the apple will be in his mouth, but he won't be tied up at all, he's just gonna pull it out. Nope, I take it back and go first, or I go after rally. Um, I'll wrestle him I'll feed his strength yeah.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 3:Go for his legs, galen, yeah, I do. I do go for the legs. I squat down on my haunches and I go straight for his legs, which are chicken legs. He doesn't do leg day at all, he always skips it. So you roll advantage for whatever you're going to do. Okay, roll plus might.
Speaker 2:Might makes right.
Speaker 3:I may not need advantage, but I'm going to roll Nope Okay.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so that's a 13.
Speaker 3:I go for the legs and actually break both of his femurs. Oh my gosh, it's defeat of strength, guys. It's just you don't have control over it. It just goes. It's like scorched earth every time I break both of his legs. Yeah, it's like linguine now this guy is covered in tight armor.
Speaker 2:You go for his legs and he is swept off his feet, falls prone.
Speaker 1:It's romantic.
Speaker 3:Swept off his feet. Oh, you know what I'm not going to waste. I realized that I would be leaving the juridic rope behind. I'll shackle him. I have the shackle still.
Speaker 2:Okay, Riley, what are you doing?
Speaker 3:Well, I was. I gave him a pep talk as my action, but I will Leap on top of the guy To try to hold him down. Okay, try to hold him down.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 3:Roll might against him if I need to Keep rolling, rolling, rolling might Rolling, rolling, rolling?
Speaker 2:Yeah, that'll put him at a bigger disadvantage to escape, yeah, so he fails miserably and you've got him shackled and pinned down.
Speaker 3:This guy's name must be Sir Edward Shackleton. Good one, gatlin, thanks. She's got like a buck tooth smile. She like pops him on the nose.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:He's, you know, growling to get off of him. He's like trying to get up, but it's all awkward, plate armor, let's tie him up with the rope and I'll put like a rag in his mouth so he can't talk. So Galen was saying he didn't want to use the rope? Yeah Well.
Speaker 3:I don't want to use the rope. Yeah, I don't want to use the druidic rope.
Speaker 2:Do you have another rope?
Speaker 3:I have shackles. Oh yeah, that's right.
Speaker 2:He going to be shackled, let's shackle him, and then I just mean I also have a lasso. You probably want to use a lasso because when you're shackled, you know I also have a lasso. You probably want to use a lasso because when you're shackled, you can still move and get up.
Speaker 3:Do I have any?
Speaker 2:duct tape.
Speaker 3:I don't know that ducts, ducts, ducts exist.
Speaker 1:I can't talk. They're probably in shrimp Ducts exist in?
Speaker 3:yeah, they only have duct tape in shrimp.
Speaker 2:There are ducts. There are ducts.
Speaker 1:See.
Speaker 3:See Ducts, little ducts, old-fashioned Ooh.
Speaker 2:SPL is full of pipes. You know what I mean.
Speaker 3:They're always laying pipes, pipes and ducts. Well, now that we've sorted that out, all right, so let's lasso him, shackle him and stick a Nacogdoch, a tube stick in his mouth.
Speaker 2:Call it a day.
Speaker 3:Say you know you be good, and like storm off, I kind of like pat him on the cheek, you know, catch ya later. It's exactly the kind of behavior that'll make the guy hunt us for the rest of his days. Yeah, he's Sir Helnar, the Rad's brother.
Speaker 2:Ragnar the Brown.
Speaker 3:There's like one thing that felmog hate more than anything else being embarrassed. I want to like, at the end of the day, I want, like the hammer and sir helnar and this guy, to all actually be like family and related. So it's just one family of felmog knights vendetta against the two of us. Yeah, they, they form a posse to reclaim their honor against our shenanigans. That'll be the quest where we die.
Speaker 2:The quest. When you go to the door, you see that there's no mechanism to open it from the outside.
Speaker 3:How'd this guy get in here? Does he just stand in the hallway until someone lets him out?
Speaker 2:He was walking the perimeter outside Ah.
Speaker 3:Should we Riley eyes the guy and see if maybe Galen would fit in his armor?
Speaker 2:Everybody says, the helmet is an issue.
Speaker 3:It doesn't fit over my current Bulwark helmet. That's the problem. I think it's because you have a giant frog head.
Speaker 2:Your Bulwark helmet is just like a skull cap thing. They were like full helmets and that could not fit over your giant frog head.
Speaker 3:Dang. I was going to say, you know we could sneak in through the front gate, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, front gate.
Speaker 3:Yeah, could we disable the door mechanism in any way from this side, or is it simply inaccessible? I critically failed. Oh you critically failed. I'm sorry. Yeah, it was a disaster.
Speaker 2:Well, I mean.
Speaker 3:Can I muscle it open?
Speaker 2:Imagine a door that only opens from one side.
Speaker 1:You know you got your axe.
Speaker 3:Kind of like getting the chink like of the cracks and stuff and like crack, crack maybe like pry it.
Speaker 1:I don't know. You have like a metal cutting axe. No, no, I don't want to use it like that I forgot.
Speaker 3:You don't want to use it for its purpose. I totally forgot. I rarely ever use it for its lightsaber-like qualities. I forgot entirely that it does that. I say I have no catchphrase for this, I just cut through the. I'm almost melancholy as I try to cut through this door because I can't think of anything fun to say I'll whisper in his hand maybe something like need a can opener or something. I don't know what's a can, what are you talking about? I just like somberly zoom.
Speaker 3:The axe glows red, hot, cuts through the door and I pout the entire time. What brings me joy is that when they find it the next day, they'll have no idea how this could have happened. They're going to be like the only person who ever did this was Taylor the Red Axe. Yeah, she lives. She's the only woman I ever loved.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you're able to slice through the lock and on the other side without causing a commotion or anything.
Speaker 3:A commotion in the ocean.
Speaker 2:So what do you want to do?
Speaker 1:Yeah, now that we're in, I turn toiley and I say wait, what was our plan?
Speaker 3:I'm hauling the egg like in the cart. Uh, we gotta go talk to welder. We gotta let him know what's going on okay and we gotta let him know, but we don't intend to help the sorcerer. Yeah, so we'll sneak in and see it's nighttime, right, or it's cover of darkness, ben.
Speaker 1:Still, it's nighttime.
Speaker 3:Yes, and it's dark, but there's still activity. Activity, okay, oh yeah, because these people are all like evil nocturnal people, we'll just. Maybe we just saunter in pulling the egg, and if anyone asks, we're on Sorcerer Business, yeah.
Speaker 2:We wouldn't be here if we weren't supposed to be Wait so you have the egg.
Speaker 3:I think that's like a really funny, dumb idea. I thought we did. I thought we were like pulling it in our cart.
Speaker 2:Because it's big.
Speaker 3:I think Ben's implication is it's like a small hallway that we dragged. Can we roll the egg through?
Speaker 2:Rolling the egg is really funny like you can't bring fb in here.
Speaker 3:No, I turn around and I tell fbs sorry you have to leave. I didn't realize you couldn't be here. I like the idea of rolling the egg, though that's funny it's kind of got a caveman vibe to it, just like was rolling a giant egg so what are you doing with the egg if you're not giving it to the sorcerer?
Speaker 3:her. Um, yeah, that's a good point. I thought I was thinking just the dynamite egg. Oh okay, no, I was thinking that that would be how we get in here without being harangued. It's that we've got this egg for the sorcerer. But you know, that was my thinking. But if we don't bring the egg, then we just have to sneak in and talk to Weldar and Harangue, it should be canon.
Speaker 1:It should be canon our private chat is killing us, sorry guys.
Speaker 3:George sent the private message that harangutan, and he said that should be canon, and I agree. I think there should be a creature called a harangutan. Oh god, ah, geez, um, this is how things happen in Lada Beam. Yeah, so, george, what do you suggest then? We sneak in, we leave the area outside I mean, it looks just like an orangutan, but it antagonizes you every step of the way and it won't leave you alone. Ben is so mad at me right now. Ben is so mad at me right now this is very hard to.
Speaker 3:GM, I'm sorry but you're doing so good, ben, you're doing so good alright, let's leave. You know what? Let's leave the egg and let's raise it as our own do. Are you on board with that idea? I mean, that seems more absurd to me. But you know, if we don't want to bring the egg in, let's keep it outside. We'll go talk to Weldar. We'll sneak into Weldar's room or wherever he is.
Speaker 3:Yeah maybe we can just talk with him and see if he thinks it's a good idea for us to give the egg to the sorcerer. Would there be anything left for it? We were just going to use it as a way to get in. Right, we're no longer interested in helping him. That was my plan. Okay got it, so that if we get haranguitan'd but you're not using it.
Speaker 2:I'm still confused.
Speaker 3:I guess we don't need it because we Well, that's why I wanted to roll it through. It's like we're rolling it around the town, if anybody bothers us. It's like we got to get this, the sorcerer dunk, in our way. I see we're getting it, ok. Sorry, I attempted and failed with the guard. Ok, so I'm going to just be rolling the egg and we'll just see what happens.
Speaker 3:Yeah well, we're standing side by side rolling the egg down a narrow hallway towards the town and looking for Weldar Zonian Buck. I would not have brought the egg, but whatever, nobody asks me I take his pen and I throw. Zonian Buck's pen and I point at him like I'm Han Solo and he's C-3PO. He scuttles away trying to find his pen.
Speaker 2:I'm just going to roll a d6 um yeah basically like a wandering creature situation okay, oh boy luck is on your side oh, I just assumed that was bad.
Speaker 3:Oh, one would be bad, got it yeah actually one, two or five would be bad, got it. Yeah, Actually, one, two and five would be bad. All right, yeah, I like it.
Speaker 1:We keep rolling.
Speaker 2:Yeah, the plan works so well.
Speaker 3:Like you know a couple of Felmog guys look up from their tables where they're drinking grog or whatever, and just kind of salute us like hey, how's it going. There's just like it's one of those things, once you're already in, they assume that you're supposed to be there, because there's no way you could have possibly gotten in. Yeah, there's no way you could have gotten in With a giant egg. With a giant egg, so clearly we're supposed to be there. They find it amusing and they cheers us.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Well, you get some odd looks as well, and it certainly makes some noise. You get some odd looks as well. You know, and uh, it it. It certainly makes some noise, it's kind of it's very conspicuous, but, like you guys said, like no one would expect that you would ever sneak in here with that. Um, yeah, you do get the attention of welder actually, and he tries not to just like go to you immediately, kind of like tells you over here oh, hey, weldor.
Speaker 1:Yeah, sorry, sorry.
Speaker 3:Big boy rules. You know, you said it. It's shut up, go run a horner. Yeah, sorry, sorry what I painstakingly pull, like push the egg, to roll it around a corner, because at no point do we stop rolling it.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Sir Halnar is here.
Speaker 3:Oh crap.
Speaker 1:Where is he at?
Speaker 2:I don't know the quarters, whatever, Well um.
Speaker 1:The living quarters.
Speaker 3:We better get out of here. In fact, that's why we came to talk to you. You know, we A couple of things. One, how are things with you? Are you safe? Like what's going on?
Speaker 2:here, of course I'm safe. I mean, do they?
Speaker 3:suspect anything?
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 1:No.
Speaker 2:Okay, at least I don't think so Well, if they ever do.
Speaker 3:we happen to find a secret bulwark outpost up in the mountains and we read a log and they're aware that stuff's going down in the stone, but they don't know what's going on.
Speaker 1:So you might have some allies.
Speaker 3:I feel like he's going to laugh at the mention of works, because, yeah aesthetic, like six of them doing order hey, yeah, we're, we just got no, uh, no, I mean, I get it a little yeah a little offense. I get it. We're pumping up our numbers.
Speaker 2:I know we have rookie numbers right now look, I don't know why you guys came here inside the stone.
Speaker 3:We were worried about you. Riley's in love with you. That's not, caitlin that's not true, she's worried about you.
Speaker 2:We, we were worried about you.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I was worried about you too, and we were going to give this egg to the sorcerer, but we don't want to do that anymore. We don't want to help him. I feel like it's a bad idea we're getting concerned that yeah, I didn't, I had no idea anyway, uh, that was at the time, not, not, not here, not now. I had no, no idea what. What were you saying?
Speaker 1:Nothing.
Speaker 3:How did I know that? How did I know that?
Speaker 2:I'm a little off, sorts Okay.
Speaker 1:What are you?
Speaker 2:going to do. Look, I found out a little more about this Arpathy.
Speaker 1:Oh, okay, why don't we meet at Wally's About the Sarpathy?
Speaker 2:Oh, Okay, why don't we meet at Wally's? I don't want to lay it all out right here.
Speaker 3:That makes sense.
Speaker 2:Checks out. What are you?
Speaker 1:going to do with that egg?
Speaker 3:Well, I guess you're going to be rolling it back out. Unless you want to, I tell him. I tell him my plan for I wish I had the power I wish I had the bird power to like to the other situation, because it's such a good idea for it I love it just like it cuts and there's like a bunch of singing fel mogs, like eating a giant fried egg together, like in the in the quad like area underneath the tower.
Speaker 3:like, hey, like it's a bunch of singing Felmogs eating a giant fried egg together in the quad area underneath the tower. Hey, it's a feast, it gives us goodwill with the Felmog knights. That's actually not a bad idea. The last person to notice what's going on is the sorcerer who just looks out the window and is like is that a Skrok wing egg?
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:But, I have no power.
Speaker 2:Halnar is here and he wants his dragon's bolt, but the sorcerer won't kill him.
Speaker 3:Okay, that's his problem. I feel like, right, yeah, I mean, we got it. It could also be your problem. All he's got to do is get. What is it? The hair of a mermaid.
Speaker 2:That doesn't sound right.
Speaker 1:Well, though I said, it's like perplexed.
Speaker 3:That doesn't sound right. I say Zona, read it back, read it back. And Zona says okay. So you needed to get this Scrockwing Egg River, sorteo, teeth of a Sea, chimera Shard from the Core of the Last Tree, or Dust from the Fairy Queen's Wing in the Riddle Space, or Dust, or yeah, or all of these, and a bottle of milk apparently Bottle of milk.
Speaker 2:We got the Scrockwing Egg.
Speaker 3:He can have it. The sorcerer.
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 1:Hellnarr, he could do the other thing.
Speaker 3:I feel like that wouldn't square us with Hellnarr. He's just kind of a jerk. Do you think he could have got that egg by himself, though I don't know? You think he could have got that egg by himself, though I don't know. I think he could have been eaten by a scrap wing. Yeah, the pumpkins. How do we make this guy see reason Like that's what we need? It's not possible. He's just he's words I can't say on stream now.
Speaker 1:Corrected yourself twice.
Speaker 2:I could probably help with that you think so. I could probably help with that, but then I don't know if I want to do. We want to tie ourselves together in that way.
Speaker 3:I don't know that that would be beneficial to you. Maybe we should just deliver this thing to the sorcerer and be like Helnar it's your problem. Now we got you halfway there. Is Helnar pro Gloom King or not. Do we know, weldar?
Speaker 2:I don't think he's smart enough to be pro anything. He's pro Helnar.
Speaker 3:He's pro hell Nar, it's pro skater, that's. That's worse, cause that's the kind of guy we're like, at the precipice of greatness and he comes out of the woodwork and screws it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, basically Um is he meeting with he's?
Speaker 3:literally here just trying to persuade the sorcerers maybe we leave him here to try to persuade the sorcerer, because the magical item is more valuable than me. Dead right, I feel like the sorcerer is just going to be like, well, you should go deal with these two fools, blah, blah, blah. And then he's just going to come like, well, you should go deal with these two fools, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then he's just going to come after us again because it's always our fault. He can't take responsibility for his own actions, even though some of this is our fault.
Speaker 3:What about if Wildar can have him come meet us and we'll see if we can't broker a piece? Yeah, what if we? What if we just go to him directly and sitting on, like he comes down to meet us and we're sitting on the egg and we're like look, we know this is bad blood, but we brought you an egg. Yeah, let's see what he does. Yeah, I think I. I kind of liked that idea. I want a meeting, a sit-down with Helmer Before you go crazy, I'll smash this egg right now.
Speaker 3:The idea of us smashing a stone roachy egg.
Speaker 2:All right, that's what you want to do.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:You don't have to act like you know us at all, yeah.
Speaker 2:All right, he goes, and part of me wants to roll it to a ta. You know us at all. Yeah, alright, he goes.
Speaker 3:and part of me wants to roll it to a tavern and use it as a seat Like sit on it and drink with Galen as we wait, you roll the egg into the mess hall.
Speaker 2:Halnar comes down. He's not.
Speaker 1:In armor.
Speaker 2:He's in like a gambeson.
Speaker 3:Oh, I tell Riley like this is it. We should take him now. What are you crazy?
Speaker 2:No, we're not gonna take him. He's like flabbergasted that you're here. He says you finally made it to the duel, yeah well about that and look at you unprepared.
Speaker 3:We have gone through a lot of effort to make good with you. Just so you know we've gone through a lot of effort. We went and retrieved your lance. We faced harrowing danger around every corner. We were only late because we were able to rescue your lance and we came all the way out here under the orders of what's your face? The chief, baroness K Kasadar. That's the one.
Speaker 3:We came all the way out here, blessed by the Baroness Kasadar, to bring your item to the sorcerer so that he could recharge it. And then he screwed us both. That's where things stand, and we've even gone so far as to capture this Scrockwing egg for you. So you want to take up a chair, join us for a drink and talk this through Like real Felmogs, or?
Speaker 3:do we want to go through this. I want Ben's chin to get higher and higher. Or do you want a fisticuffs right here in front of your buddies and never get anything you're looking for?
Speaker 2:Make an inspire check.
Speaker 3:Ooh, let me inspire you before you inspire him. Yeah, yeah, it takes the form of him just passing me a mug of grog. Yeah, and all I do is I sit there and I say yeah um. I minimized my screen maximize my role. Where's my role 20? I destroy it. I did destroy it. I'm back in it. You're in it. I see you. That's weird Rolling a d12, child. You're plus two, all right, so I'm plus three to this roll, yeah.
Speaker 2:Thirteen, all right. Well, you're actually minus two, so it's an eleven. Still good Eleven.
Speaker 3:Do you use a quest point? Make it a twelve oh yeah, oh, my God, yeah, my god, yeah, I totally do. I mean you don't have to, but I mean we might as well. I totally gonna do it. I'm totally of all the things.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, we critical Ben um, yeah, you see his face he's been.
Speaker 3:He's been critted. She is sweating bullets as yeah not, no shit. Riley has no idea which way this is gonna go uh, yeah, without a word.
Speaker 2:He just pulls up a chair and sits in it like ac slater wow just like yeah, it's like.
Speaker 3:Will reicher, sitting in any chair, he steps over the back of it Because he has a really bad low back injury. Is that why he did it? That's why he did it. Wow, is that true? It was an issue for him to stand and sit. Wow, so does every cool guy have that?
Speaker 1:Sorry, I shouldn't make fun of his back problem, so does every cool guy have that?
Speaker 2:uh, sorry I shouldn't make fun of his back problem but like you see that, uh, he's wearing a back brace helmer yeah, we don't, we don't want to mention it but you know, yeah, we were too polite at this point all right. He says I'm listening, you've got the egg.
Speaker 3:The sorcerer wants the egg all you have to do is get mermaid hair and get it wrong again. Um, I say, well, you can get him the tail of a river sore, which may be easy for a man of your stature. Uh, you can get him. Um, I scroll away from this. There we go. Uh, you can get him the teeth of a sea chimera. We're heading down to the Scallywag strand. It might be a bit, but we could perhaps post you some back. Uh, sharp from the core of the last tree, which is not ideal. Um, shard from the core of the last tree, which is not ideal. Dust from the fairy queen's wing and the riddle spinny. You'd have to be quite charming to get that. And someone keeps asking for a bottle of milk. But that's in addition to one of the items we just listed. There's one more option Galen left out. Maybe we could steal it back, because it was never his in the first place.
Speaker 2:Love the idea of stealing from the Sorcerer Supreme In exchange for this egg. Is that what you mean? Use the egg as bait, or just Are you proposing we sneak into the tower?
Speaker 3:I'm proposing we come up with a plan together, Haldar. I put my hand out for him to shake it. Risk your move. He stares at you for like an uncomfortable amount of time she's like on the precipice of throwing up because she's never been so scared in her life.
Speaker 2:Yeah, he grabs your hand and his handshake is the firmest that you've ever experienced. Your hand is like a limp noodle for a brief moment.
Speaker 3:Riley is more in love with Helena than she is with like. She's trying to be hard and tough and she goes like Now who else wants pancakes?
Speaker 2:So what is this plan? You've got cooking up, huh.
Speaker 1:I don't know that.
Speaker 3:I have one just yet I just figured, if we're going to solve this problem, we should do it together, because that guy screwed us all. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:It's a very powerful wizard. I don't think you understand what power he wields.
Speaker 3:You know, that's why we're going to have to use all of our cunning, all of our guile, sir I believe it's pronounced more yeah, just drench it the pancakes swell to abnormal size yeah it's really surprised he's got a bit of a sweet tooth. Riley wins the duel by giving him diabetes. Oh jeez, I don't actually have a plan. I just thought that that would be If we could swing like having Halnar join the party for a quest. It could be amazing, that's.
Speaker 2:I mean, that is kind of exciting, let's not get the wrong idea here I'm not joining your party when we're not going on a quest.
Speaker 1:Aww, aww.
Speaker 3:Of course not.
Speaker 1:Of course, not Of course, of course, not, of course not.
Speaker 3:I like yeah um, yeah, I don't actually have a I was.
Speaker 2:I was sort of excited by this prospect, but uh, now I'm not so sure.
Speaker 3:You're not coming up with any good ideas well, look, look, look, wait, wait, wait, sorry, we brought you the egg, we gave you this opportunity to get a recharge spear, and now it's. The onus is still on us to come up with all the good ideas. Well, hold on, we got some good ideas, we? I think that we could, uh, infiltrate his tower by having the egg in tow, as you mentioned before. And then, um, we know that the imp runs their mouth. I don't know if you knew this, but the imp is a bit of a talker, and maybe we could pull some valuable information about the sorcerer's comings and goings so that we could approach the, approach the spear, and steal it when the sorcerer at least expects it.
Speaker 3:And this is off the top of my head, guys, I mean. I mean maybe don't know, Maybe he takes like a smoke break every noon or something you know? Yeah, For 12 minutes we'll have our run of the tower.
Speaker 2:The sorcerer leaves his tower to speak with Countess Fiora.
Speaker 3:Countess Fiora.
Speaker 2:Otherwise he's up there all day all night Okay.
Speaker 3:All right, that's good information.
Speaker 2:But they say his tower is trapped with arcane sorcery.
Speaker 3:We've dealt with that before. I look at him and be like, yeah, sure, we can deal with traps. What if we were able to have the countess summon the sorcerer to Bogtown?
Speaker 1:so that we know that he's gone, and then we can handle the challenges of the tower without dealing with that guy.
Speaker 3:You think he even deals with baroness cassadar or countess cassadar, because I feel like, well, halnar just said that the only way he leaves the countess, fiora, fiora at the stone she's at the stone, oh, oh yeah I'm sorry I mixed them up. We we ran into her when we first came here. They were talking. And then we followed him up the stairs to his tower.
Speaker 3:Okay, so maybe we can get him out of the tower for a couple hours. Then that's like the best we'd have. We can set up a meeting between them on false pretenses. I thought you called this meeting. I thought you called this meeting. I thought you called this meeting.
Speaker 2:If you didn't call it then who?
Speaker 3:You could certainly try that. I really should have kept some more non-combat abilities.
Speaker 3:Let's see, I've got lend a hand. I I for clues, pep talk, I really need to level up, but I don't have enough xp because I could use according to plan in fun ways. Um, I mean, I can make up a narrative weakness like the uh, the roof trap door above the sorcerer's study has been leaky for some time now. Maybe we could be like repair dudes or we could use that to break in. When he's gone, we could come in from the roof. Oh, interesting, like like we're window washers, just Just like zip up the side, repair the roof.
Speaker 3:Or commission, impossible it. It's like I let you down on a rope, you steal the scepter and I pull you back up. All of these things are amazing.
Speaker 1:How do we get?
Speaker 3:him with Fiora, though how do we have them have a meeting? I feel like they do that yeah, we could wait it out, okay. So I'll tell that to hell. I was like so next time the sorcerer goes to meet with fiora, we'll be ready. We'll sneak in steal a thing while he's in the meeting. Before he even knows it, we'll have have our mounts waiting to escape the stone right afterwards. What do you say?
Speaker 2:Piece of cake. It's going to be the death of me, but I need that spear back Fine.
Speaker 1:Yeah. Yeah, think of the legend that'll be told about the guy that stole, but I need that spear back.
Speaker 3:Yeah, fine, yeah, yeah, think of the legend that will be told about the guy that stole the spear from the sorcerer.
Speaker 2:I don't want that legend to be told. I think he just wants his spear, yeah.
Speaker 3:I don't want anyone to find out about it. They'll kill me, but you'll know.
Speaker 2:You'll know. Reldar says alright, you guys can stay in my quarters for the night.
Speaker 3:Wow, your place is really nice. This is crazy.
Speaker 2:No, this is nothing.
Speaker 3:It's not actually mine, it's just Well it's amazing what you did with the place, considering what you had.
Speaker 2:I mean it's cozy. Yeah, you know, it's got a few pillows over here you know, I'm asleep.
Speaker 3:already Spent the last two nights in the mud. I'm just like asleep, sprawled out on the floor in the pillows like a cat.
Speaker 2:Galen, is it true what you said?
Speaker 3:Galen pretends to be asleep. Does he nudge me Asshole, wow. Sorry, what was that? What was that? Helmet goes on. Does he nudge me, asshole, wow what was that? What was that? Who said that? Usually it's me. I love how Ben is the most afraid we'll break and he does it twice.
Speaker 2:I'm impressed yeah, sometimes I forget we're on stream sometimes it's just three guys.
Speaker 3:You know Dungeons and Dragonings and Land of Emon, you know, is yay good stuff.
Speaker 2:Galen just elicits that reaction from Wildar. You know, no, ben, I elicit it from Ben, it's, it's.
Speaker 3:I elicited it from Ben. He's just, it's a thinly veiled, a direct, a direct attack. Um no, uh, uh, gail Galen hears it and uh, he hears him say that he's like I'm sorry, dude, sometimes when it comes to love and Riley, I don't want to talk about it Because it's not that I'm sad, I just want what's best for her. You know, have you ever loved something? You just want what's best for them.
Speaker 2:Look, I get it. I'm not going to move in on that, you know, you guys, no, no.
Speaker 3:I just it's fine, I want you to be the best version I'm, I'm talking. We're having a moment. Welder say I look, I think that somewhere inside of you there is a man who's worthy of riley. I don't doubt that for a second.
Speaker 2:Whoa, whoa, whoa wait. Do you think I could actually be with Riley? I would be a laughingstock.
Speaker 1:I kill him.
Speaker 3:I kill him on the spot.
Speaker 2:Look, it's nothing against Riley, she's great. What would people?
Speaker 3:say yeah, you're right, I'm glad she's asleep, for this man, riley, is not asleep. She hears everything and she's just like weeping in her pillow. She's like Ugly crying Into her pillow. Everyone ignores it. At the start of next quest she'll be like I'm fine.
Speaker 1:She's like ugly crying into her pillow.
Speaker 3:Like everyone ignores it. At the start of next quest she'll be like I'm fine Mascara's like all run.
Speaker 1:Just get this over with.
Speaker 3:Yeah, she's left like 40 traps in Wilder's room. I bet you're not going to like that. Your toothpaste is glue, wow. Let alone the guillotine she set up above his bed. Oh my God.
Speaker 2:Look, galen, you know I got to admit I used to have a crush on Riley back in the day. But our paths, just you know, separate ways.
Speaker 3:It's never too late to change. You know, I know you'd be giving up a lot for her, but think about giving up for yourself. You know, if I don't know if this is what makes you happy, I know it's a family legacy, but we got to become more than more than our heritage. Create our own mark in the world.
Speaker 1:I think you're on the path to doing that.
Speaker 3:Maybe you just need a little nudge in the right direction. Riley tosses a blanket at you. A huge snore, I get hit in the face with the blanket. It's critical and I say I pop up with a smile and I'm like you, little fight. The quest ends with you, rascal.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:You little rascal Hel. You little rascal Helnar shows up in his pajamas but his helmet on and he's like did somebody say pillow fight? It's like a very Zoolander gas station fight kind of scene, reckless abandon.
Speaker 2:You pillow fight into the night and it's just like the old days, you know.
Speaker 3:Except with Helnar this time.
Speaker 2:Except with Riley crying throughout the night.
Speaker 3:We just ignore the crying and have fun with the pillow fight. I say Riley, riley.
Speaker 2:I'm doing it into a pillow. They have no idea.
Speaker 3:No, I take Riley's pillow and I'm like, oh, it's all wet and I hit Welter with it. Soggy pillows, yeah.
Speaker 2:Alright in the next morning, guys, it's a horrible scene we're just jumping the shark today.
Speaker 3:You know what I mean as it was, as it's meant to be yeah alright, so the sorcerer's daily meeting with Countess Fiora is coming up.
Speaker 2:How do you want to handle this?
Speaker 3:Everybody ready. Okay, let's go. No plan, we'll just say that. So I say we bring the egg with us to give it to the imp and let the imp know we've got the egg, we're bringing it up to the whatever, so we can get Okay. I think that's actually pretty reasonable to.
Speaker 3:And then maybe like outsmart the imp when we steal it. Galen leans in and says more like out, dumb, I'm a right he holds up for a high five. I leave him hanging, okay. Oh, dumb, I'm a right, he holds up for a high five, I leave him hanging. Okay, I leave him hanging because I'm still upset that they were talking about me. Well there, you know why. I don't know why she seemed a little moody to you this morning.
Speaker 1:Would you guys hurry?
Speaker 3:up All right, all right, all right, all right, all right Okay. It's like start rolling the egg silently through town.
Speaker 2:Up the stone ramp to the tower, where there's a bunch of stairs, and we'll have to go up each stair. You'll have to carry it Clank, clank, clank. Okay, yeah, so you remember this staircase. It's quite long, and then you get to two doors in front of you that are locked.
Speaker 3:I'm going to knock on the doors, hoping the imp is there.
Speaker 2:Now an ant says it doesn't seem like you're high up enough to be at the actual oh, I see the door is locked.
Speaker 3:Okay, I'm going to try to pick it like really discreetly. Okay, hopefully not critically.
Speaker 2:Which one? There are two doors, oh do they both.
Speaker 3:Is it not clear which one leads up? There are two doors. Oh, do they both is it? Not clear which one leads up.
Speaker 2:No, you actually don't remember this at all.
Speaker 3:Oh gosh, it's like a magical defense. Well, which one do you think we should try to go for? I'll rock paper scissors, Galen. Yeah, I think that's fine. Alright, I'll choose the left one. Okay, Good choice, Good choice. Eleven.
Speaker 2:You open it with ease. Um Hal Nar says Huh, whoa, what are you? A thief?
Speaker 3:No, I just I know how things work.
Speaker 2:You're a thief.
Speaker 3:No, she's brilliant, she's a trapmaker. What's it called? Trap smith, trapper, trappist? Um well, I'd like to consider myself a bit of a tinker and engineer. Yeah, you know, we used to have a flying machine. It's no big deal, it really is fine, it's cool. Um, I'll tell how long to pick up the egg with hel, with Helen, and peer in through the door and see if there's stairs that go up.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you're carrying this egg and you kind of go the same amount of time that it took to get to these two doors and you find that you're at a similar place with two doors.
Speaker 3:It looks like the same actually, oh my gosh, I hope we're not like in some horrifying magical loop or something I know, but we were going up as far as we perceived. Should I try the right door, galen the left door? I say we keep sticking with left. Okay, I'll try to crack open the left door.
Speaker 2:Okay, it's locked, still Ten. You open it and you climb the stairs. Yes, yeah, you climb another, however many similar amount of time, like a few minutes up the stairs and, uh, come to a single door.
Speaker 3:Okay, that's a good sign.
Speaker 2:Is this one also locked. Yeah, but you you recognize this as like the actual wizards chamber.
Speaker 3:Okay, I'm going to feel like we've been here before.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, I'm going to knock. I feel like we've been here before.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I'm going to knock this time. Hello, special delivery.
Speaker 2:Who's there?
Speaker 3:It's us, it's remember us. We brought the Scroc wing egg Take a look. Master will be pleased.
Speaker 2:The master isn't here right now. He will be pleased. Well, we've got to drop offwing egg. Take a look, master will be pleased. The master isn't here right now.
Speaker 3:He will be pleased. Well, we've got to drop off this egg. We're not going to stand around here all day. I'm sure the master would want his egg. Considering how hard it is to find, wouldn't want to you know, anger the master.
Speaker 2:Would we Make a charm? Or trickery, Ooh, put on your helmet.
Speaker 3:And or trickery ooh, put on your helmet a trickery. Yeah, plus one baby 13 wow hellnar leans in. Definitely a thief. I point at him. I remember you, yeah hey, how you doing I point at him.
Speaker 2:Son of you, I remember you.
Speaker 3:Yeah, hey, how you doing. It's been a long time. We got the egg, let's flood the room we just barge in.
Speaker 2:We're rolling the egg in. You can't be in here. Just give me the egg.
Speaker 3:You can't lift the egg. It's a big thing made of sand. We need these guys to help us roll yeah where would you like us to put it? Like over here. Maybe over here I'll start bumping its stuff like a little bit, like not knocking things over, but you know, just be. I say, oh no, he definitely wants, uh, he definitely doesn't want to see his master work. Uh, so let's put it as close to his workstation as possible. I move it towards where the speed is oh good idea.
Speaker 3:That's very considerate, don't you think so? Like gosh, you know I'm actually pretty parched Like do you have any water? Could you get us something to drink?
Speaker 2:Like I don't want to put you out.
Speaker 3:But man, it was heck getting this egg up the stairs you can imagine you can't be in here. He'll come back. Oh well, we're going to leave right now. We just wanted to bring the egg up, but before we go back down that flight of stairs like, oh Mesh, we'd really like if you could be a generous host. We've heard so many legends about you being so generous. Lots of hospitality.
Speaker 2:Here drink this Blue milk, Some weird liquid. It's blue milk, some weird liquid, it's good. Oh, he takes a swig of himself. It's good.
Speaker 3:There's not enough for all of us. He swigged it himself. Okay, I'll wink at Galen to like get the spear and I will. I will kind of just like bring it to my lips and like smell it a little bit, taste it with my tongue.
Speaker 1:Smells awful.
Speaker 3:Oh wow, what is this? This smells great. I don't know. It smells awful. Oh wow, what is this? This smells great. I don't know, I don't know. Thanks, did you make it yourself. This looks like it was home-brewed.
Speaker 2:No, it's a drippings. The drippings oh what kind of. I thought I detected a hint, a drippings.
Speaker 3:The drippings. Oh, what kind of. I thought I detected a hint of drippings Must be drippings, you put the bucket under the experiments. Oh, so that's what that is. He used to be a man. I'll pretend to drink a man. I'll pretend to drink it.
Speaker 2:I'll be like, oh wow, that's very earthy, it actually tastes.
Speaker 3:I'm not gonna drink it though you get imp blisters on your lips immediately. Galen what?
Speaker 2:are you doing while this is happening? Imp blisters on your lips immediately. Oh my god, galen, what are you doing while this is happening?
Speaker 3:Getting the spear baby.
Speaker 2:Once the imp is intently watching.
Speaker 3:Make a sneak check. Oh, here it comes, man Um. Oh my god, that's amazing.
Speaker 1:That's amazing, george.
Speaker 3:It's an 11.
Speaker 1:Out of 1.
Speaker 3:He does a backflip Totally silent. It's like storm shadow.
Speaker 2:Wow, the imp is totally focused on the juice and he actually notices that there's a crack in the egg. He says did you see this?
Speaker 3:it's hatching at that moment I'm going to take the drippings and hurl it at the egg and run out the door. None of us are aware of this plan. We're just standing there like, yeah, this is my, this is Hondo Riley. Right now I'm going to say whoops, and throw the drippings directly at the egg crack and then start to bolt out the door.
Speaker 2:There is kind of this magical explosion, sparkly explosion, and all of you are blown back. You should take two dread.
Speaker 3:I block it. I take one dread, but my eyebrows are singed.
Speaker 2:The imp shrieks and it curses you why, why'd you do that? You fool Butterfingers, butterfingers.
Speaker 3:I guess I'm running down the stairs again I say, okay, well, delivery complete. I really want to slam the door on the imp, like in the room.
Speaker 2:Yeah, sure.
Speaker 3:You hear sort of a cracking sound as you run down the stairs. Oh my god, but it's oh. I want it to imprint on us, though, dude. I want it to create chaos and destroy that room. Yeah, it's definitely what's gonna happen. You just hear like it's a screeching of a Scrockwing that's hungry. Let's get the heck out of the tower right now. Yeah, I love it. I hand as we're running. I want to slam all the doors behind us.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Every single one. I had the spirit of Hellner and I say, okay, we're good right, almost, almost, oh, Almost. Almost. Oh, because we got to get out of here. Yeah, that's it. Hold that thought, yeah, you run down the stairs. Well, I just imagine like Weldar standing there like looking out vigilantly and we like stumble through the stairs like we got to go, we got to get out of here. Standing there looking out vigilantly and we stumble through the stairs like we gotta go.
Speaker 2:We gotta go. You come barreling down the stairs and I'm just gonna roll a percentage chance that the sorcerer is around. Yeah, the sorcerer is just finishing his meeting and coming out of the door when you guys are running.
Speaker 1:Oh no, oh no.
Speaker 3:Oh no, can I do anything? Now would be the time for magnificent items like magical, spectacular something. Yeah, that's a good call. That's a good call. Oh, I gave up the cobalt whistle, but that wouldn't have really mattered in this situation.
Speaker 3:I think, oh my God, I could have opened that door without cutting through it. This inventory is massive. I actually don't have anything. Yeah, it is Especially with what we've given up. I don't have anything that can help us. Do we just bolt? Do we just get on the mounts and ride for the main gate and get out of here? I mean, we came in through the side gate.
Speaker 2:I mean.
Speaker 3:I'm sorry. That's right because the mounts are outside. So we do, we just bolt as fast as we can. Probably I'm sure the imp is going to be like Mr.
Speaker 2:The lab is on fire.
Speaker 3:I don't know why he talks like that.
Speaker 2:Okay, so you bolt. Halinar is running faster than you. He's got some legs on him.
Speaker 3:That's funny, he knows how to use them.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and the sorcerer is, you know, he's kind of like, does a double take and then realizes that something weird is happening and starts kind of walking fast like an old man. Is he going towards the?
Speaker 3:tower or away from it, towards us, towards you.
Speaker 2:Great, but imagine a great hallway leading out. Yeah, and you see the portcullis up ahead of you.
Speaker 3:I'm going to yell out, should I, oh God, like don't want to taunt him too much, but like I'm gonna be like um, you might want to put that out in the lab or in your, in your study, in your lab, or whatever yeah you.
Speaker 2:you can now hear like a shrieking of a large baby bird, and then you hear that it's calling for mama. You hear that.
Speaker 1:I hear that bird.
Speaker 2:And he also tumbles down the stairs and looks behind himself and he's like kind of covered in like wet. Uh, birth, like you say birth.
Speaker 3:Yeah, Whatever is in the yoke of like after the yoke has been consumed, it's just like all the albumin.
Speaker 2:And he goes sitting there Uh but then you see the.
Speaker 3:Not better than the drippings.
Speaker 2:It doesn't look like a normal Scrockwing Because of the drippings.
Speaker 3:That was also my hope. My hope is that I would screw up everything. It's 100% planned. I love it. It's perfect.
Speaker 2:It looks sort of bulbous and like colored green on its head instead of the classic orange and blue of a Scroogewing, and it's like pecking after the imp, and all of this is happening in front of the sorcerer. And he's like pecking after the imp, and then all of this is happening in front of the sorcerer and he's like shocked.
Speaker 1:That's awesome.
Speaker 2:You guys by now are close to the door to the Portcullis. Halnar is shouting at the guards to open it, which they start doing. Thank God they listened to Halnar. I whistle for FB to meet me at the guards to open it, which they start doing.
Speaker 3:Thank God they listen to Helner. I whistle for FB to meet me at the gate.
Speaker 2:Galen, you're struck by a bolt of lightning.
Speaker 1:Oh, my God.
Speaker 3:I accept, I don't stop running. You take a vitality check? Oh no, and then Riley hits you Like chain lightning style. Yeah, I block eight of it.
Speaker 2:No, I block three of it Like Chain Lightning style.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I block eight of it. No, I block three of it. That was your eight.
Speaker 2:Eight dread hits Halnar.
Speaker 3:I feel like he could take eight dread. He crumples immediately. Oh my god, he was a dandy of a man. He was weak. We see him standing there and see flashes of his skeleton as the lightning hits him. Yeah, I gingerly remove the spear and keep running.
Speaker 2:Weldar also takes some bread, just like chains, from everyone.
Speaker 3:So the problem is, Helmer is going to be just as mad at us for getting him on the outs for the Felmogs.
Speaker 1:Well, I guess it's just Not all the Felmogs dig the sorcerer though they don't like it.
Speaker 3:We're just going to be promoting the faction combat now. Yeah, he might get some respect from the non-sorcerer Felmogs.
Speaker 2:Halnar, once you guys exit, uses the dragon's bolt at the entrance wait wait, wait. What is he using it?
Speaker 3:what is he using it for? To like destroy the entrance, to create a chasm I say really, we recharge it and you just start using the charges willy nilly. Do you know how hard it is to recharge that thing?
Speaker 2:I think this is a good use.
Speaker 1:I don't disagree.
Speaker 3:If not for a Gloom King aligned sorcerer, then what else? The sorcerer immediately starts just levitating across the chasm and I'm like see, See.
Speaker 2:The only allegiance I have to my family and I'm going back to film log um more power to you guys.
Speaker 3:He takes, get out of here. After he says that, he takes off his helmet and it's vin diesel wow he says there's nothing more powerful than family, family.
Speaker 1:Wow.
Speaker 3:That was my contribution to the stream. You're welcome. It's been about to roll a million dice. Yes, yes.
Speaker 2:Um, I was just seeing. If the sorcerer had a power, that would just truly make your lives horrible.
Speaker 3:I mean, the answer is probably yes.
Speaker 2:There's something called cosmic rend. The sorcerer can remove an item from a PC's possession, banishing it into a pocket of space-time, and it only returns until you defeat the sorcerer.
Speaker 3:That's kind of cool.
Speaker 2:So if he did that with the spear, that would be. Anyway, he gets to the chasm and you guys are kind of like way off in the distance and then he turns around, Kind of like I guess it looks like you're not worth his time yeah, like Darth Vader, like looking at the Millennium Falcon escaping and Empire Strikes Back turning around. I'll remember you alright, you guys are on the back of fb. Um. Welder says you know how?
Speaker 3:how nar has gone his own way by now and welder's like everyone just splits off riding at full speed outside of the city into the desert yeah and welder's.
Speaker 2:Like I guess I've made my choice. I don't know if I'm coming back to the stone after that well, I mean, there's other bastions of felmogdom, felmogdom.
Speaker 3:To go back to baroness or countess kazidar and tell her what you witnessed today. I mean your detailed information about the dealings of countess fiora and this sorcerer may uh pique the entrance of interests of baroness kazidar maybe, maybe, I'll, maybe, I'll just go with you guys, and what about that? Riley immediately think about yeah if you want to. I don't know. The bulwarks are always hiring the bulwarks riley.
Speaker 3:I thought, like you know, I thought you guys wanted me, I guess yeah but not like that I guess you can tag along if you want to, at least till we reach Raleigh's. I'm hungry. Yeah, I hear there's a really good new comedy act there.
Speaker 2:Right. Well, dar is like he's a little taken aback by this lukewarm response.
Speaker 3:He thought I'm excited about it. I heard everything. Yeah, galen's excited. He's like yeah, let's go traveling together. He thought I'm excited about it. I heard everything. Galen's excited. He's like yeah, let's go traveling together like we used to. I just stopped myself from saying words.
Speaker 1:Yeah, words.
Speaker 3:I heard everything. Your big fat butt face. You know you think you have a butt chin. It's all cute, but it's more like a butt face. You know A butt chin.
Speaker 2:Well, I think we can end it there for today. You know, it's been two hours, it's been two hours.
Speaker 1:It was a heck of a quest, holy shnikes.
Speaker 3:Heck of a super fun. I can't wait to like get to Wally's and be away from the stone and the dangers that are there. I can't wait to get the wallies and be away from the stone and the dangers that are there. I can't wait for the hot haunch challenge part three, when I face off against Weldire when we finally attempt it.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I'm going to attempt it too. Yeah, we'll all do it. The howling hot challenge. Yeah, poor Pulgrub, I mean, you know. Well, I guess he didn't get a wound right. He never rolled to see if he got wounded.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I don't think wounded is like. I think that was special circumstances for you.
Speaker 3:I think there's something that yeah, it was special circumstances because it doesn't wound you if you fail, but you have to roll crazy high to win, so I definitely just yeah.
Speaker 2:And then you get a sign. There was some reason that happened.
Speaker 3:I forget. I probably rolled poorly or something, or maybe I was already. I don't know. It was good material, though I was happy to do it.
Speaker 2:Cool.
Speaker 3:Cool, awesome. Well, thanks for joining us today. Everybody um, we were playing the land of session bajillion if you want to check out session 13 session 13 season 3 of season 3.
Speaker 3:If you want to play land of eam or check out what we're doing, you can go to land of eamcom and, uh, you can download the free rules and sign up to our newsletter for more updates about the upcoming Kickstarter. We've got lots of updates that we're going to be sharing, actually in the next, in the next month or so, and so stay tuned and if you enjoy the stream you know, subscribe and also hit that bell, you can smash to the site and join the Discord, because there are people getting into games.
Speaker 3:Yeah, there are. There's people that are forming and, if you're a GM, there's plenty of players looking for groups.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Excellent, until next week, indeed, bye-bye.
Speaker 3:Bye-bye.
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