Land of Eem: Actual Play
Join Ben Costa, James Parks, and George Higgins as they play the Land of Eem tabletop roleplaying game, inspired by the series of fantasy books: Dungeoneer Adventures and Rickety Stitch and the Gelatinous Goo.
Ben Costa and James Parks are the creators of Dungeoneer Adventures, Rickety Stitch and the Gelatinous Goo, and the tabletop roleplaying game, Land of Eem. They have been friends since the 2nd grade, and love making stuff together.
Lovers of fantasy, they strive to craft tales that celebrate the adventures of unlikely heroes. Ben and James grew up playing tabletop roleplaying games, creating countless characters and collaborative worlds with our pals, a pastime that paved the way for their creative careers, as authors and illustrators.
Land of Eem is a tabletop roleplaying published in partnership with indie game publisher, Exalted Funeral. and is about adventurers exploring and discovering the remnants of a forgotten better age. Described as The Lord of the Rings meets The Muppets, players portray lore-seeking travelers, fortune-seeking pioneers, and adventure-seeking heroes in a time devoid of them. But for all its post-apocalyptic doom and gloom, Land of Eem is tonally quite lighthearted and droll.
Dungeoneer Adventures is a fun, middle-grade fantasy adventure series from Simon & Schuster, about the only human kid attending the adventure school, Dungeoneer Academy. The books are packed with illustrations and available at Target, Barnes & Noble, and Amazon, or you can ask for them wherever books are sold.
Rickety Stitch and the Gelatinous Goo is a fun YA graphic novel series from Random House, about a skeleton bard and his best friend on an epic quest to discover who he was when he was alive. The books are available through Exalted Funeral or online at Amazon, and you can ask for them wherever books are sold.
For more visit:
https://landofeem.com
Land of Eem: Actual Play
Land of Eem Fantasy Actual Play S03EP16 | Noggin's Pleasure Yacht: Where Pirates Go to Retire
Have something to say? Send us a Text!
A luxury yacht isn't exactly what comes to mind when planning a dangerous expedition to a place called "Terror Island," but that's precisely the vessel Rylee and Galen find themselves commanding. After finally reaching Muckland Harbor, they discover their old friend Noggin has transformed their galleon into a pleasure craft complete with shuffleboard decks, noodle dispensers, and two men named Lou who handle waste disposal duties.
The mission seems simple enough: find the legendary treasure of Ulfrex the Cruel hidden somewhere on Terror Island. If successful, they might disrupt the dangerous alliance between the Felmog and Sarapathi forces currently wreaking havoc across Scalawag Strand. Of course, they'll need a crew crazy enough to sail into such dangers.
What follows is a hilariously chaotic recruitment drive through Muckland Harbor's various districts. From the privateer registry to "the dregs," our heroes assemble a crew that includes a one-legged pirate seeking revenge on a sea monster, a gigantic crab rack wearing an equally enormous custom-made hat, a blind sailor who claims to be "great at tying knots," and a suspicious Felmog corsair whose loyalties remain questionable at best.
With ancient coins spent on high-quality cannons (that are only "somewhat likely" to backfire), the newly-formed crew prepares to set sail. As Riley and Galen struggle with leadership dynamics and the miserly Galen reluctantly accepts the role of first mate, one can't help but wonder if this ragtag group has any chance of success against the numerous threats lurking in the Scalawag Strand.
Join us as we embark on this perilous journey where the stakes are high, the odds are low, and the noodles are always plentiful. Whether they find treasure or trouble remains to be seen, but one thing's certain – it's going to be an adventure unlike any other!
Visit us at: https://landofeem.com
Support Us
Free Land of Eem Quickstart Guide: https://landofeem.com/quick-start-guide/
Land of Eem RPG: https://www.exaltedfuneral.com/pages/land-of-eem
Dungeoneer Adventures: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0B41WM4YM
Rickety Stitch Comics: https://www.exaltedfuneral.com/products/rickety-stitch-and-the-gelatinous-goo-the-exalted-collection
Join Our Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/ricketystitch
Join Our Discord Community: https://discord.com/invite/CMq7BsK
Subscribe on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@LandofEem
Oh my gosh, hi guys. Hey, what's going on? We're here with another EAM team stream. Eam team stream ETS. Welcome to your weekly ETS every Saturday, 11 o'clock Pacific Time, eam team stream. This is the 16th session of Season 3. Okay, and you guys have just come to Markland, mark, markland Harbor it's a regional pronunciation Markland, go down to Markland, go down to Markland. They got turrets there, got. You know, the turrets in Markland swirl counterclockwise or anticlockwise, if you prefer, anti clockwise. Yeah, I had an anti-clockwise once.
Speaker 1:She died, oh, yeah, she was killed in an accident, a Turlet accident. A Turlet accident. Spun her right round baby, right round Gator, came right out of the toilet, took her foot. What her foot was doing in the toilet, nobody knows. It's a failed nimbleness check. No, she's trying to stomp the gator back in the toilet, but she just put her foot in its mouth instead. It's a sad day, sad day in the toilet, but she just put her foot in his mouth instead. And that's a sad day, sad day in the uh, dundugo household.
Speaker 1:Well, uh, last time you guys finally made it to muckland harbor after like 14 sessions and, uh, you reunited with your old pal el and old Noggin, who has got the galleon, if you remember. Indeed, that probably happened in season one, season two, I have no idea. Yeah, a long time ago. Yeah, I don't even have a season for that, it just exists. So my question to you two is what do you want to do with this ship? I think riley needs to build 40 billion traps on deck to make sailing it treacherous. Where are you going? What are you doing? I'm going straight to Terror Island and die.
Speaker 1:Well, we wanted to go to Hornswoggle. We did want to go to Hornswoggle port. Yeah, for what reason? You have no idea. We do know Zona, zona, zona, zona, and Buck knows the Chronicler. While he hid the treasure somewhere on Terror Island, he shows us a map from Hornswoggleport to the X.
Speaker 1:Look at that. This is right before the famous, or infamous now infamous food fight with the Hammer at wally's. Yeah, or we humiliated the hammer in a food fight. Yeah, there is actually, uh, uh, oh, my gosh, what was the guy's name? Leslo. Leslo reenacts the food fight by himself every night now and he's been drawing more crowds. Yeah, it's, uh, it's part of the regular performance. It just keeps getting encore, is that? Yeah, it's a crowd pleaser, it's a favorite. Yeah, by the end of the week, like you know, people have been throwing stuff at him rocks, you know, like other stuff. He's got more people in his act now it's like he's got bottles that are on each other's shoulders, wearing paper mache film log helmets. I love the idea of like two boggles that are on each other's shoulders, wearing paper mache felmog helmets. I love the idea of two boggles and a trench coat. I'm sorry, I've lost track of what you guys are talking about. Keep up man, keep up Wally.
Speaker 1:Let us know that he had a map from Hornswoggle Port to the treasure, right? Although I don't see why we wouldn't be able to read that map from Mucklin Harbor Impossible, I mean. And so the treasure is of Ulfrix the Cruel and he is trying to find his own treasure. And then, if we find it or get it back to him, right, is that the idea? Yeah, he might leave. He's only interested in his treasure. That's the only reason, because the Felmager is supplying warships in the Skelewag Strand. So we were happy, indeed, yeah. And we were thinking, if we could find the treasure and give it to him, possibly he'll just go away and it would screw him over, yeah, or we could find it for ourselves and become kings by our own hands, kings by our own hands. Yeah, we'll lead as two kings. You finished that sentence exactly as I was going to say it. I love it. Yeah, that puts us into it. So we should kind of touch base with.
Speaker 1:We ran into Elmo at the end. Right, he's a man now. He's a man now. He's like 40. Yeah, and we haven't talked to Noggin yet.
Speaker 1:He was sunbathing on the deck as he is wont to do, drinking a shrimp daiquiri. It's like all shrimp, no daiquiri, it's just like rubbing alcohol with shrimp. Yeah, he hails you. When he sees you come onto the deck he says oh hey, my old friends, howdy I live and breathe, how y'all doing? We haven't seen you in four years or however long it's been. Welcome to my pleasure yacht.
Speaker 1:Wow, you really made something out of this ship. I don't know that. That's what we wanted this to be. Pleasure, yeah, I mean, you got everything you could ask for. You got shrimp daiquiris of the wazoo.
Speaker 1:I see a shuffleboard's been installed on the primary deck. That's amazing. That was essential. That was essential. I've got two lues. I've got two loos installed on the poop deck. It only makes sense.
Speaker 1:It's actually two guys named Lou who just take out the chamber pods Holding buckets. They wait. That's Lou number one. That's Lou number two. You only go number two with Lou number two and you only go number one with Lou number one. That's Lou number two. You only go number two with Lou number two and you only go number one with Lou number one. No mixing and matching.
Speaker 1:Okay, some would argue that Lou number two has the worst job. Well, it depends. If it's asparagus night, he gets paid double Cause. Number two Hazard pay, hazard pay, hazard pay. I mean, lou number one's got the splash danger. Lou number two's just got the stench. Oh, it's so gross.
Speaker 1:The um, what is it? Rangoonie is just staring in bewilderment at the idea that there's like two guys named Lou with chamber pots, rangoonie being the crab rack that we helped escape. I mean, we gotta get him back to. He wants to go to Conch. Yeah, so maybe we take the ship towards what we follow the map, maybe, if we can make that happen that's a big ask right there, buddy. Yeah, I guess we could drop him off at Conch. We could sit him down there. You know, conch is way it's way past Hornswoggle, right? Well, see you later, rancorny. Well, I mean he'll stay with you as far as you go. Alright, so then maybe we go to Terror Island First and utilize a giant Armored crab rack To watch our boat. Whoa, are you talking about going to Terror Island?
Speaker 1:We've got an opportunity, noggin. A heck of an opportunity To not only put a wrench in the works for the Sarpathy, but to maybe find some treasure. Well, I do like me some treasure. We know you do. It's one of the wealthiest people in the Mucklins. Previously one of the wealthiest, yeah, how's that going? By the way You're looking at it, every last coin invested into this ship is a pleasure yacht, pleasure yacht. It's like solid gold fixtures, solid gold fixtures Like garden lights hanging from the mast across the Orcs noodle dispenser. That's handy. It's like three guys behind the wall, yeah, so if you're up for it, noggin, 100,000 gold in all, yeah, so if you're up for it, noggin, we'd love to.
Speaker 1:We've got ourselves a map, you see, and Well, probably going to need a bigger crew. Well, we've got one crap wreck Meet Maranguni. He's a nice guy. Haven't asked him yet, but we can ask him. We got Zoni Mbok. We got a chicken, claudia. Claudia. She's just like Noodles are just pouring into her mouth she's got. She's fed for four days.
Speaker 1:How many people do you think we need? Well, I mean, it's a big ship. Got Lu-1, lu-2, elmo U-2. That's five. Rangoonie six I mean Zoni Mbok, he doesn't look too useful on a ship. Yeah, he's looking around for dirt like frantically. He's shrinking by the minute. It's like a vampire. He has to travel with soil from his native land.
Speaker 1:I'd say we need at least four more people. All right, well, maybe we can go scouting in Mucklin Harbor. Yep, a lot of sailors around here. You know what I mean, I do. Oh, we got Weldar. He just burps and opens up another fizzy whiz. You said there's infinite noodles here. Righteous, he goes from Bill and Ted to Michelangelo. He's just slipping. Yeah, that's true, we got Weldar. So three more people.
Speaker 1:We need to find three people in Muckland Harbor who would be up for a. We should write one of those contracts like in the Hobbit. It's like you could be dismembered, you could be whatever. You'll get one whatever of the of the treasure 1, 14th, 1, 14th. It'll be 1, 14th, regardless of how many people there are, just just because that's amazing. Um, I love it. All right, let's do it. Let's uh.
Speaker 1:All right, we're gonna hit the town and and see if we can't find some crew members. All right, mucklin Harbor is kind of a big place, there are several. You go to Harbor Heights, which is kind of a busy thoroughfare with tall wooden structures and scaffolding, like kind of where people go to shop and eat and whatnot. Then you've got the well, actually there's the privateer registry there and there's the Midtown Galleon. This is actually the place where you can shop and eat, and then the docks, where you are right now, where there's probably, you know, a lot of employed people but and people looking for work. But there's the privateer registry in the Mucklin in the Harbor Heights. It might be, might be interesting. Let's check it out, I'm up for it. Yeah, come on, galen, let's hit the town.
Speaker 1:Galen just starts punching things indiscriminately. We'll start at Harbor Heights and we can interview people over lunch at the galleon. All right, cool, accept, cool, I want you to roll a d6. Go for it. Five.
Speaker 1:You meet a troll with a buckle on her shoulders as you're heading out onto the docks. She says I'm looking for explorers, explorers. Buckle on her shoulders. As you're heading out onto the docks, she says I'm looking for explorers, explorers. He's looking for explorers. I'm looking for explorers. Are you looking for explorers? We are. We're looking for explorers too. Well, I'm looking for explorers. So best back off, shub her in the water. What are you looking for explorers for? Best back off, shubber in the water. What are you looking for explorers for? Maybe we could you know, maybe there's some opportunity here. Well, to explore the vast open sea. Of course that sounds fun.
Speaker 1:We're actually headed to explore Terror Island. What, what? Well, that's a fool's errand. It's a suicide mission. This is the first time Riley's heard this.
Speaker 1:What Galen's like? What do you mean? We just thought it was like. You know, it's in the name Terror Island. Yeah, I thought that was more tongue-in-cheek. What kind of dangers are there? I've heard there's giant volcano monsters and flying pterosaurs that'll just swoop down from the sky and peck out your eyes. Oh, wow, there's giant sharks in the water that'll just eat you before you ever even get there. Oh, well, then I guess we got our work cut out for us. Have you ever been there yourself? Never, Never, dared. I'll go again and be like she doesn't know what she's talking about. It'll be fine.
Speaker 1:If you're looking for explorers to go to terror Island, well, your work's cut out for you. Okay, you have to pay him real good Beginning to beginning to learn that that's going to be the case. Let me ask you something. If it was you, where would you go looking To recruit? Yeah, for Terror Island. I would stand right here, the spot I'm taking. I'd bark out Explorers, explorers, looking for Explorers to Terror Island.
Speaker 1:As she starts to repeat her original pitch, I'll just tell Galen to come along and we'll shuffle past her. Explore, come along. You see one guy come up to her. It is a dude with a peg leg. Does he say yar to her? Hmm, yeah, it's his name actually, yar. You're going to Terror Island, we are, says I Like. Riley, just like, repeats Shit, riley, just like, can't help it it. She just starts talking like that we be.
Speaker 1:I look to galen, going to terror island, yeah, looking for a sturdy crew. He's got only one leg. I know how serious to go back to terror. Oh, you have Well, now here To get my revenge, your revenge on. I point to his foot. Whatever did that? Exactly, exactly, exactly, god love it. It's like a linguist mixed with Quint from Jaws. Exactly. There's an old beast named Old Sinker that patrols the seas, the shores of the island Down me, whole ship Ate me. Whole crew Took my foot. Well, if you want revenge, then you can just call our ship the Good Ship Revenge.
Speaker 1:Does our ship have a name? Noggin's? You can go on the most terrible ship In all, the squallow egg strand, noggin's, pleasure Palace. I've only got one condition Name it. I be the first mate.
Speaker 1:Hmm, does Elmo have an issue with that? I imagine. Well, to be fair, elmo doesn't really have any experience. No, I mean, this guy has just lost his leg. That's all we know about him. Hey, holly, how's it going? Welcome, welcome. We're just acting like pirates. Yep, that's all. Don't mind a regular Saturday, let me see. Can we potentially do some research on this guy? You know, go to the library. No, I was thinking about asking around about some of our people at the privateer place, because that seems like a lot of personnel have gone through there. Mm-hmm, because that seems like a lot of personnel have gone through there. All right, if you're down for it, then why don't you meet us back at the docks at noon? We'll be doing our interviews then Interviews. Indeed, I thought this was the interview. This is the pre-interview. This is just determining. If you're interested, you still have to prove yourself. This is a ship going to Terror Island, that's for sure. Oh, I see. Hmm, he immediately goes back to the troll with the boggle on Yar Yar, I'll be there, alrighty, okay, we got one guy. Yar Albedar, alrighty, okay, we got one guy. We'll do research on him as we find the other two.
Speaker 1:Sweet, you've played Land of Eam before. Oh nice. Or just pirates? A little bit of column A. We're playing Land of Eam, but we generally talk like pirates every week anyway, says I. Yeah, so you want to head to the privateer registry? We do. Alright, roll another d6.
Speaker 1:As you experience more sights and sounds, I gots it. It's a 3. As you experience more sights and sounds, I gots it. It's a three A three, a one, a two, a three. Crunch Crunch, I do A crunch dragon. It's not a clunch dragon, it's a crunch dragon Cannon. I still want to hear the see the Gabagool become Cannon. I think the Gabagool is really good, it should be Cannon. Release that in Sandbox 2.
Speaker 1:All right, there's some strange thing you've never seen before happening here. There is a big crab rack and, um, a giant like pirate hat is being lowered by a winch onto his head. It's like a big plumed hat is. Is the crab rack willingly participating in this? Yeah, it looks to be like a fitting, like the the bogger doing. It is kind of it looks like a haberdasher. Oh, oh, because the crab rack is so big, it's got a lower and it's also just an enormous hat. Yeah, well, that's one heck of a hat you got there. That sure is a beaut.
Speaker 1:Ah, yes, it was custom made for my fine client here, and would you like one yourself? I look at Galen, like yeah, yeah, I do. Any self-respecting sailor would wear one of these on the open seas. We have to get pirate hats. True, I don't want to get matching hats. Can't argue with your girlfriend here. Oh, the guy Whoa, whoa, whoa, galen just lets it go. He's like whatever dude, it's fine. He's already exhausted by her wanting to get hats. It's like. Like whatever she wants, it's okay.
Speaker 1:Only two pouches of gold coins. What whoa whoa? In that case, I'll catch you later, guy, that's what's a little. I mean, this is uh fine craftsmanship here. I'll be back, I'll tell you that, but uh, I don't have that kind of dough. I'm not a high roller like this gentleman.
Speaker 1:Wait, wait, wait. This guy looking at our character sheets and knows we have money. Yep, keep your eyes to yourself. I can see the pouches just rippling with gold coins. It's all copper. It's all copper. Mine bags full of marbles. Well, I would say you've lost your marbles if you're passing up on a deal like this. Well, maybe I have, maybe I have. Maybe. That's way too much money to spend on a hat. The crab rack says I would do it. This is the best purchase I've ever made. He ain't lying. That's one heck of a hat. Say, crab rack guy, what's your name? One moment, let me consult the MPC chart and generate it randomly. Rangooni is actually getting fitted for a hat too right now. We don't know where he got the money.
Speaker 1:I am Quarg. Quarg, say, you're outfitting yourself with a beautiful hat. Are you about to go on a voyage? No, are you looking to join a crew? Says me, what sort of crew? Well, we're putting together a crew of amazing adventurers to go to Terror Island in search of some treasure.
Speaker 1:Hmm, make a charm, check, here we go. That's my charm plus one Seven. Success with a twist. I think he's interested. He'll come to the interview. I think that the twist is that his hat probably will not fit on the ship. Well, I'm out. No, he's so close. All right, why don't you come at noon and we'll do a full interview? Okay, I'll be there, as for you, and so will my hat. He'll be there, as for you, and so will my hat. He strolls off, bumping into things. It's like spins around. He knocks over a crane. That's like, oh, good stuff.
Speaker 1:All right, jeff, we haven't even made it to the privateer place, but we've got two. We may never make it to the privateer place. Well, we've got two to interview. We don't know who we'll bring. Right, right, right, right, yeah. And you do make it to privateer registry. There you are met by someone named Teach Tully, behind the desk, teach, teach Tully. Ahoy, teach Tully. I'm Riley. This is Galen.
Speaker 1:We're looking for some crewmates. How do we go about signing on privateers? Well, you gotta fork the cash over. How much are you talking? How big of a journey are you going on? How long, not super long? How big of a ship? What's the crew size? We're going to Terror Island. We need three. Yeah, at least three.
Speaker 1:Any self-respecting privateer would want to make Copperpatch a week. That might be possible if we find the treasure. Yeah, maybe Noggin's got nothing left over. Huh, no, he's, he really. It's a luxury yacht. Yeah, the last of his wealth. Are there any weapons on this thing? No, that's rough.
Speaker 1:We're just gonna get boarded by pirates the minute we get out, like the ocean. We're not even gonna be outside the breakwater and then it'll just be like pirates. Yeah, you shouldn't have spent all that money on those animatronic bears in his corner. They've got concertinas right. I mean, it's going to be a fun night every night on that ship, that's true. That's true, a fun night that is really bright and draws attention from pirates throughout the waters.
Speaker 1:Whew, look, I can see a little strap for cash. You might go sort through the dregs if you want. Sounds like a really desperate people in the dregs. Exact, exactamundo, I see. Oh man, well, okay, well, thank you for the insight.
Speaker 1:We're going to think about it and we're going to keep wandering throughout the town like Seven Samurai style, just like looking for our team. Yeah, I feel like it's just going to be an issue paying these guys. Yeah, do we need to make money or get a sponsor or something? Maybe we can get the hat shop to sponsor us. If we can find people that are willing to risk it for the treasure, then the big payout at the end is there's no promise that we'll survive, right, we'll be rich.
Speaker 1:Oh, yeah, the dregs, that's the type of fella that you want. I mean, it's a crazy pirate, okay. Okay, let's try it. George, what do you say? I'm terrified. What do you do? What do you say? We could also go hang out in another quarter of the town and, like you know, get a box and become Carnival Barkers. Yeah, bob, carnival Barkers.
Speaker 1:Yeah, let's go to the dregs and just kind of see what it is we might get lucky with, like a diamond in the rough, you know? Right, alright, it's a bunch of like. You know a lot of them look like drunkards, um, they're hanging out like waiting for work. You see, like one of the privateer registry workers come out and like they like flock to them, like puppy dogs or like hungry, hungry, stray dogs, but the guy pays him no mind. It's like going to actual proven sailors so you can go talk to them. I like it. I like it.
Speaker 1:Um, how do you want? How do you want? How do you want to uh, identify which ones we would consider? Galen, are you desperate? At this point, it's just like we gotta look for people who are just not gonna kill us in our sleep. That's all I really care. Yeah, uh, why don't you make a check perception, kill us in our sleep, check. I make the perception check right now.
Speaker 1:Galen's like, and then a quest point kicks in. He's like I think that one right there. It's like a villainous looking guy, just like picking his teeth with a dagger. That's a. That's a six. It's like a villainous looking guy just picking his teeth with a dagger. Yeah, that's a six. Oh, okay, we're looking for, we're looking for Hardy. That's the twist. He looks semi-trustworthy. Yeah, he has a belt of ears. Well, wow, geez, wow, he's a Diablo PVP. He's got a string of ears. You know, I'm going to roll who this guy is. Yes, roll who he is.
Speaker 1:This is my favorite man in the entire quest. Well, it's a woman. His name is Mindy. That's amazing, is it Mindy Pl plaster pot back from the dead, not from the dead, but you know what I mean? Mindy iron shod, that's great. I immediately get ptsd from mindy plaster pot.
Speaker 1:My galen's like I can't. I can't talk to her. Her name is mindy. You know how I am with women named mindy she's a quartal, but she looks like a snapping turtle. Yeah, hug, hug. I say, uh, greetings, she's got a sooty pipe, she's smoking, that's so perfect. Yeah, I say greetings, vine Quartle.
Speaker 1:We are friends of your people. What brings you to the drake? That's the weirdest thing to say. She's like what do you mean, you people? I step in front of him for a second and be like we're looking for Arty Sailors. They gave us an egg of insight. We're friends with them. The egg of insight, it's here. Yeah, wait, do you know Urchley? Because I just assumed that they all know each other. Wow, I don't know. Do you know Toadface? I do, it's my cousin. Oh, I just made that up. I know, toadface.
Speaker 1:Do you have money to pay me for a job? Because that'd be great. We will have money and we have unlimited noodles. We have three hots and a cot and two loos and two lose and a lot of promise, because we're putting together a crack team of sailors for an expedition to Terror Island. Hmm, well, that sounds really awful, but I'm in Great, I'm in great, right. Then I look at each other like, oh, that was way easier than I thought it was going to be. Yeah, that's not going to be a twist here. No, not at all. No regrets. I need the cash. We'll get you cash if we find the treasure.
Speaker 1:I think we're going to get into an issue where we recover the treasure but we have to figure out Then we have to fight our own cutthroat crew. Yeah, where it's going to be like. We got to figure out what this guy really. Yeah, we got to figure out what he really wants back from his treasure. Maybe he only wants a very specific thing Ulfrex or Wally, no, not wally. Uh.
Speaker 1:Olfrax, yeah, because if we like, if that's the treasure we find, that's all we find. What? Are we going to give it to our crew, a part of it, and then give the rest of the olfrax? Or is it like olfrax wants something specific? I don't know that's if we give any to Ulfric's anyway, we could split it with the crew.
Speaker 1:If we don't give a treasure and get Ulfric's out of there, we're not going to get the Felmog to stop helping the Serpathy. Maybe we find out. You're right, we find out if Ulfric's is looking for something specific. The rest of it's just money, right? He doesn't need that. I imagine not. He's got an armada.
Speaker 1:Sorry, am I going to need to know all these names? There'll be a test. No, no, it'll be noon 12 o'clock. Here's your study guide. It's 40 pages.
Speaker 1:Sarapathy, snakeman bad. Ulfric's Felmog Felmog bad, felmog felmog bad, uh, felmog. Sarapathy, work together also bad. Need to stop. You guys have ale on the ship, don't you? We have ale and we have egg animates. Hey, welcome, egg. How you doing? Hey. And hi, holly, hi again, how you doing? How you doing? Yeah, as long as you got the grog flowing, I'm there. We got the grog flowing.
Speaker 1:It's a dry boat. Galen looks at Riley In shock. A dry boat. I mean, that's an oxymoron. I mean it's supposed to be dry. It's supposed to be above the water. We got a soggy bottom. It's got a soggy bottom. It's wet. It's supposed to be dry. It's supposed to be above the water. I mean it's like a little soggy bottom. It's got a soggy bottom. Yeah, it's got a soggy bottom, it's wet. It's a wet boat. Well, the top's dry. It'd be a wet bar.
Speaker 1:There are two Fizzy Wiz vending machines with tokens. Yeah, company tokens, company tokens. We have like a reward system swab the deck and get a token. Wait, we should just form our own corporation at this point. Yeah, we can't afford the taxes. We're gonna get put in prison and dunk for tax evasion, privateer registry immediately. You guys are forming a business. No, we're not Nothing official. Get out of here. See you later we tell.
Speaker 1:Oh, my god, I just forgot her name, mindy Mindy Ironshod. Thank you, irons shod, not to be completely confused with mindy plaster pot, and mindy iron shod is a quartal. She's wearing an armor like how do I describe? Like? Uh, sort of like um mako in conanian. It's like hanging, just like hanging over her body, hanging metal, just like a plate here and there, not properly put on. That's funny. She figures she's got a shell. It's good enough. She's just guarding her plastron. Yeah, the plastron's her only weak part besides her head. Pl plastron. Yeah, the plastron is the only weak part besides your head Plastron.
Speaker 1:Yeah, ben is something of a turtle expert. He is a turtle expert. I'm a herpetologist. Is that what that is? There's cream for that. Wow, herpetology is lizards. Is it also turtles? It is, they're both rept reptiles. Is it reptiles in general or just like aquatic ones? Well, I think yeah, it's, it's amphibians and reptiles. Whoa, today I learned I did learn herpetologists can see kikuchiyo and Bear in the same day and provide excellent care.
Speaker 1:All right, well, you've got one, two, three prospects. Should we get a Dark Horse? Yeah, I want Dark Horse. Remind me how many we need again. Thirteen, three, four? Oh, do we need four? We need four. So maybe five, because we needed a minimum of how many people. Ten, mm-hmm, got it, got it.
Speaker 1:Let's keep recruiting from the dregs. From the dregs, no, I say we check out the rest of the town. Galen's already on to the next person in the dregs. You join up, you join up, I'm in. Yeah, yeah, where haven't we hit Ben? We've hit a couple places. We've hit the dregs. We've hit.
Speaker 1:I mean, you haven't gone to midtown, but that's sort of like a, not really a place. You'd find someone. Let's maybe you go back to the docks or you could try with the dregs again, but you'll have a penalty to the next perception check, because getting down to the bottom of the barrel, yeah, the dregs are the dregs. You know, maybe we'll get lucky and one of them will be like the Mandalorian. That's just down on his luck. You know, I'm going to roll a perception to try to identify another dreg. All right, it's minus two, minus two. It's minus two, minus two. Gosh, minus one Nine. Ah, yes, there are no drawbacks at all.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you find Popeye, linnell, linnell, linnell Parnworsh, linnell Parnworsh. She's at the Silverman Laurie crew. Describe Linnell. To us Linnell is a human, boring, but I love it. Wow, she's a sailor. What this is interesting you're hired. You're hired.
Speaker 1:Who is clearly blind? That's amazing. That's fantastic. First thing's in her mouth. Do you smell that? I smell the sea, the sea. I smell the salty spray as it weaves its way into me nostrils. It's that way. I'm still good at what I do. I just can't seem to get a job. For some reason. She clearly undervalued.
Speaker 1:Well, she starts touching our faces immediately. Though, oh, you've got a big face, I do. Wow, it's a really big face. I know it's mostly mouth and eyeballs. Yeah, I'm like a Muppet. I do good work.
Speaker 1:Great at tying knots. Don't even need to see them, you're in. We're going to Terror Island tying knots. Don't even need to see them, You're in, we're going to Terror Island. Huh, we can pay. Oh, we can pay, with three meals and a warm bed and you'll get your share of the treasure when we find it.
Speaker 1:Now let me ask you uh, you looking for a crew to head onto the shores of Terror Island or just man the ship? I think a little bit of both. Yeah, that I'm not sure about. Actually. Do we want a landing crew? I think we want people. I'd rather people be on the ship and then we could maybe take one person with us or something.
Speaker 1:As a blind woman, I like to respectfully decline stepping on foot of the island. Yeah, I respect that. We respect your respect for the definition. That's a deal. You can stay on the ship and maintain it as the second mate. Who's the first mate? To be decided. But we already have a sergeant at arms. He's a 25-foot-tall crab.
Speaker 1:And what are you two on? I'm not clear on this whole operation. We are the brains. We're the executive producers. We're shareholders. We're shareholders. We're the executive producers. We're shareholders. We're on the board of directors. We're like.
Speaker 1:So you think you're creative, but you're not. I'm like a lieutenant. Okay, well, yeah, I'm like a lieutenant. Okay, well, yeah, we're definitely the officer class. Well, you won't regret hiring me. I have a lot of experience, you know. Just, things are stacked against me lately. You know what I mean. I do.
Speaker 1:What makes you say that is is what has recently changed in your condition, like what is going on. Why do you feel like that? Well, no one seems to want to hire a blind sailor, apparently. I see, have you always been blind? No, no, it's a terrible accident. I see, have you always been blind? No, no, it was a terrible accident Out there on the seas.
Speaker 1:We can all like picture it. We like look up. Suddenly the sky darkens. Yeah, you ever heard of the Leviathan? No, what, what, what, what. A giant, world-ending creature. Just one flap of its fin sends a tidal wave across the seas. I'll shut her. And the Leviathan blinded you. Well, indirectly, it's mostly powder burns, but Strapnil from the broken ship Straight to my eyes, and that was in Scalawag Strand.
Speaker 1:Indeed, let's not roll that, let's not roll that, let's not roll that. It's like a 30% chance to roll that always. They say it only shows its huge form every 100 years. Well, we should be good then. When was the last time it showed its huge form? Yeah, when, when did this happen to you? 99.9 years, 10 years ago I am the oldest human in the land, but 10 years ago. After that, you know, the probability resets. So 10 years ago, after that, the probability resets. So within that, yeah, starting then, it could happen again the next year. Exactly, exactly, got it. Well, we would be glad to have you join the crew.
Speaker 1:We're talking with everybody at noon at the docks. You can meet at Old Noggin's Pleasure Vessel. It's kind of like a carnival cruise. I like that. A carnival cruise is enough of a thing that people understand all the time. Not at all. It's not a warship at all. It's got a gift shop.
Speaker 1:Respectfully, I would implore you to get at least a few cannons. Actually, that's where we're headed right now. We're going to go. We didn't know we needed cannons, so we're Of course we got it. That's where we're headed now. We're going to go get. We didn't know we needed cannons, so we're Of course. Yeah, we got it. That's where we're headed now. We're going to go get some cannons. You've got the dagger hearts. You've got the black reef naiads. Yeah, you've got any number of creatures. We're going to board them all. Sink the ship. Oh man, scalawag Strand is going to be wild man, I know.
Speaker 1:If we were going to get extra cannons, where would we go in town? Let me think about that for a moment. You probably want to go down to the docks. Good idea Go to Gorg's Galley. Gorg's Galley. Alright, that's where we're headed. Let's All right, that's where we're headed. I waved to her, but then I stopped myself and shake her hand instead and tell her we'll see her at noon and then head to head to Gorg's Galley. See if I will hear you at noon. Right, we'll hear you. Yeah, you'll hear us. We'll see you and hear you. Hear you later. Sorry, we'll catch you. We'll catch you later. We're going to go get some more cannons.
Speaker 1:I feel really good about her. I think she's going to be a great addition to the crew. I do too. We go back to the dregs to hire her. A seeing eye, like person, a dog yeah, so we get a dog from the dregs to see for her. There's like a million dogs that are just waiting to go onto ships and have keys. Yeah, yeah, wow, yes, uh, yeah.
Speaker 1:So you want to go to Gorg's Galley? Yeah, let's go to Gorg's Galley and see if we can't procure a cannon. I could also maybe get a cheap one or something and tinker it. George, I don't know. Well, you got your cheap cannons and you got your high-grade cannons and you got your medium-grade cannons, and I would highly advise against going against the cheap. Okay, yeah, two words for you Gatling cannon. Riley tinkers it A gatling cannon. Well then, you'll want to talk to Ginny Timbar. She's got all the new shrimp fancy fandangles. I feel like if we had just one six-barreled Gatling cannon, we'd be fine.
Speaker 1:Look, let me just be real with you, all that new technology, it's just bound to backfire on you. You want to go with something sturdy. It's like hitting this big round-bellied cannon Ping, ping, ping. There's so many cannonballs in here. This thing's 175 years old. Any fool can load it and fire it.
Speaker 1:You don't have to be a genius. There's some wisdom there, but I am a genius, although I will. You know'm, I'm ish. You may be a genius, but will you be firing this now? You're gonna have a crew of idiots now. That's just that's just how it is, that's all. But yeah, that's pretty par for the course you and I, we live and breathe. That's pretty par for the course you and I, we live and breathe. That's just how it is.
Speaker 1:They cut to our crew, picking their noses and spitting. Yeah, says I. All right, how much for your best cannon, best cannon? Well, this goes for ancient coins. This is the best you could possibly get. Wait, wait, wait. What makes it the best? A man can get Three cannons for ancient coins Of the best. Hmm, aye, aye, it could be worth the investment. George, I don't know, spend big money on anything. Just imagine a big old galleon full of dagger hearts coming at you.
Speaker 1:You let these off, one, two, three pop. Well, they're going the other direction. Okay, they like easy targets, and with this you're a hard target. This makes me think of the movie Hard Target Gosh. It's the least family-friendly reference we've made. Wait, what makes these cannons better than the cheap cannons? I just don't get it. Well, first of all, they inflict more damage upon their targets. Okay, they're more accurate. They're less likely to backfire. Oh, do they like? I mean, would a crew of NIAID sailing up on us see these cannons and be like, oh yeah, those we don't want to mess with? Well, I can't guarantee that. But once they go off, there you go. Okay, there you go, there you go, there you go.
Speaker 1:I'm going to use I for clues and I'm going to identify two mannequins that are standing next to the cannons, like in a display of how the cannons work, and both of them have really great hats, like really great pirate hats, and I'm going to say I tell you what. We'll take them, but they come with those hats. I love it say I tell you what. We'll take them, but they come with those hats. I love it. Oh shit, I fail. Shoot, shoot, shoot. It was a regional pronunciation of shoot, it's fine, correctly miss so many ways. Yeah, it's too hot dog on a stick. Hats, although you're not having those, those are passed down to me generations. Okay, okay, fair enough, it's the cannons, or nothing.
Speaker 1:What do you say? It's one ancient coin, it's a pouch of ancient coins? Oh, we, only it's one ancient coin. It's a patch of ancient coins? Oh, we only have the one ancient coins. Yeah, that's right. Okay, I thought we had two patches for some reason.
Speaker 1:Let's do it. I mean, what else are we going to spend these on? Yeah, we cannot. After everything we've just learned from all the people we've talked to, we can't go out there without cannons. Yeah, what is an? So everything we've just learned from all the people we've talked to, we can't go out there without cannons.
Speaker 1:Yeah, what? What do we? Uh, what is an ancient coin roll? Going to be 12, d, 12. Um, I think it's a T 20. It's a D 20. Just don't roll a one or two.
Speaker 1:Bernard, bernard, where are you? Oh gosh, I thought I. I thought that one that I just. No, no, I looked away for like one second. There we go, there, we go, all right, you, uh, you have gold coins. No, I haven't rolled a d20 in a long time. It feels like, um, uh, how many gold?
Speaker 1:Additional pouch of gold coins now is the idea, or it's degraded into one pouch of gold coins? Yeah, so we have zero ancient, three gold, one silver, two copper and a bank account. We have this bank account. We've got to withdraw from it. Can we go to the bank?
Speaker 1:You guys are rich. You guys are acting like you're poor. We're richer than Dreyfus over here, because my character sheet has no money on it and I have no money, richard Dreyfuss, because my character sheet has no money on it and I have no money and Galen is still miserly. I'm just extremely miserly. The dynamic is I always look to Galen to buy stuff. Now, yeah, I always pull out the copper pouch first and I'm like they have strawberry ice cream here. Galen, ooh, no, no, too rich for our blood, can't do that. I can't do it, captain, you know, I do, I do, I do know. Yeah, you could head to your bank account and see if anything's there. Yeah, I mean, and we find out that Sven the Yodeling Troll has been actually stiffing us our money and we have this whole quest derailed.
Speaker 1:To go back to the crack for justice, wow, yeah, I say we gotta visit a local bank, it is. It says bank account. Uh, I don't remember what it was called. Shoot, doesn't matter. Okay, we, we go to Mucklin savings alone. That detail Let it do. Yeah, yeah, you have a Mucklin Harbor bank, so it's not a very creative name. But, uh, bank, it's not a very creative name, but it'll do.
Speaker 1:We walk in Say, hi, we'd like to access our account. Cool, roll a d4. This is what the teller tells you. Roll a d4. That's the chance you're going to get your money today. Yeah, we don't have anything on file for you. Yeah, you've got one copper pouch in your account.
Speaker 1:This business is not working out the way I thought it was going to work out. One copper pouch, huh, Hmm, I take a fistful of Tootsie Pops from the jar for the. Yeah, take their pens that are chained to the desk and break the chain and run out of there. Make like a really bad cup of coffee at the front. Yeah, look, it's not like I did this. I'm just a guy, you're just a bill on Capitol Hill. How'd you like to go to Terror Island? He rips off his banker Bank teller's unit. I'm kidding around, he's not, she's not, she's not.
Speaker 1:We let it sit there for To gain interest, I guess. To gain interest, come back in 10 years. There's two no, there wouldn't even be. Yeah, the to gain interest Come back in 10 years. There's two. Copper companies no, there wouldn't even be. Yeah, the monthly banking fees is just eaten into our games. Next time we come back it'll just be empty. Yeah, galen tightens the purse strings even more. Yeah, all right.
Speaker 1:So you want to go back for the meeting interviews? Do we want to get more people? Still More options? Yeah, maybe we can pick up some Scrock, scrockness, scrockling. I'll get a Scrockwing, a giant parrot one. Yeah, she just sits on the horizontal. What is it A mast? The mast is a vertical one. I don't know where the horizontal ones are, where you hang the sails from, but that's where the. That's where Scrockwing sits, yeah, yeah, you know.
Speaker 1:There is the option of actually going through their privateer registry legitimately finding. I love that. Good, we didn't even pursue that, I'm sorry. Isn't that usually like pretty costly? Well, they said, like one copper patch a week is what? Any self-respecting person? Well, we want to find the people who don't respect themselves. Well, I mean, we may be. Yeah, you've done that. Yes, this is a startup operation. We may be able to negotiate. Some people can get in on the ground floor. Most sailors don't have treasure at the end of their you know, there's after. After a week, we make them walk the plank.
Speaker 1:All right, right before the week hits, we become debaucherous pirates like, yeah, um, well, let's go to the registry, let's, let's like maybe interview a person at the registry like a legit one, because we haven't decided who the first mate is. And it would be okay, pro, I mean we. I mean we have a pro, she's just blind. It's true, we've also got that pirate who said he's been to Terror Island. Right, the guy with the peg leg. Yeah, he's a real option for first mate, probably because he's experienced. He's just a little salty, that's all. Yeah, which is good. The first mate, all the other mates should be scared of the first mate.
Speaker 1:And your captain is Old Noggin. Hopefully he'll be hands off. Yeah, we're like his type of captains, you know He'll be really hands off. He'll just be like you know, having a slurpee, like hanging out in a bathrobe on the deck. This is great. Oh, this is great, everybody. This is so great. It's like cannon we're under attack, there's cannonballs flying over his head. He's got a coconut he's sipping out of and just like walking. The next quest will just be Galen and I managing up. Yeah, yeah, yeah, basically, I love it. All right, cool, so then, yeah, so we're going to the privateer center. Yeah, yeah, I like it. Let's do it All right.
Speaker 1:So you're flipping through a book of potential candidates. Make a lore check. Ooh, can I uh use oh, that's right, the welcome. Well, yeah, welcome the welcome specter. Son of redondo, he's like a ghost. Phyllis him, maybe he doesn't have this kind of lore. Yeah, history, archaeology or lore yeah, I'll make it. This is just really your aptitude at looking through a book. Yeah, I mean, I also have a plus three lore anyways, so I'm just going to use it. It's wonderful. He never gets asked forward. It's just like he's never seen it. He hasn't even looked at a candidate yet. It was the best of times, it was the worst. It was the best of times.
Speaker 1:I thought there were supposed to be candidates in here. Yeah, it's just a bunch of questions. What's this first one Name here? Yeah, it's just a bunch of questions. What's this first one Name? Um, that was the worst possible work. Check, I've rolled two ones in a row. Stice roll is broken. Uh, I'm gonna say that. Um, I can't even quest point out of that one. Everyone is way too expensive currently and there's just one person and it's sort of weird.
Speaker 1:He's like a Felmog Corsair. Wait, that could be good Felmog Corsair. Let's talk to him. Yeah, yeah, we'll check him out. I'm a little uncomfortable with this, but I like the idea. His name is Thrang Thrang.
Speaker 1:Uncomfortable with this, but I like the idea. His name is Thrang Thrang Thrang. Hello, thrang, we understand you are some sort of Corsair. I am. Do you have a job? We do have a job, yes, putting together a crew to go to Terror Island. Hmm, for what purpose?
Speaker 1:We seek treasure, the grail. We seek the grail, the grail, the grail. We seek the grail, the grail. We are. I already don't like this. This is a huge mistake.
Speaker 1:We're going to, you know, we're going to look for a treasure. Do you think you will find it? I do, I do think we'll find it. You may have heard of us. My name is Phoenix Dark Thunderblade. I immediately put my helmet on and I say I'm here. I've been in the Scalowax rant for years. Now went on and I say I'm here. I've been in the Scalawax for years.
Speaker 1:Now Don't get much news from the mainland, where I know you're from, because you look like a couple of landlubbers. Well, sort of. We're from river country, so we're aware of boats, but we're nothing on the high seas just yet. Anyway, we do love the land. We do love the land. Now that you think about it, in fact, now I'm second guessing this whole thing. You know what? We're good? Yeah, we're all good. Canceling the mission, you've convinced us. Yeah, you will find no one better with a sword than me. That's cool.
Speaker 1:Now, how come you're not on a Felmog ship, you being a Felmog Corsair? There's a lot of activity in Scalawag Strand these days. Seems like you'd be able to get work. I don't share that business with other people, us being the other people Precisely. You're hired.
Speaker 1:I say well, what is your objective? Do you just want to get back out of the water? What is your goal? Yeah, why would you want to join us? Yeah, what do you see yourself in five years? Looking to make a fortune. Well, if you're looking to make a fortune, terror Island is the place to do it. It's also a place to find death, but I'm willing to take the risk, alright. Well, why don't you meet us at noon at our ship, the Friendly Noggin? Is that what it's called? It doesn't have a name. I'm calling it something else. It's something else. Every time I was going to have people meandering looking for what shit that is. Yeah, so then you're hiring me. We're inviting you to an interview.
Speaker 1:As far as I'm concerned, concerned, this is the interview. Ah, what are your qualifications? Make him repeat everything he just said. As galen asked that question, his eyes drift into two different directions. Yeah, so what? What is? What are three strengths and three weaknesses? How many ping pong balls can you put inside the school bus? This is ridiculous.
Speaker 1:I pull Riley aside. Want to hire this guy. He seems super capable. Maybe we could have a Weldar. Keep an eye on him. Maybe he'll inspire Weldar to get back in shape.
Speaker 1:Have another Felmog night around. A little bit of Felmog competition, felmog competition. Worst case scenario Rancuni can put him in line. Snip his head off. Yeah, but easy, it is just that easy indeed. It'll be c law, c law. I thought you were saying like the letter c and then law like a claw you're being fun about it, claw like a claw, you're being fun about it, claw Clore. That's really clever, though I appreciate it.
Speaker 1:As we say to this guy what's your going rate? This guy was available for copper coins per week. Okay, no one else. I'm going to tell the guy no one else. I'm going to tell the guy no one else. It's meals, bed and a portion of the treasure. When we find it. Everyone's share is equal. That's the kind of crew we're running. If we find no treasure, you keep the copper coins. If we find no treasure, you keep the copper coins. If we find treasure, you get your share and we deduct the copper coins we gave you back into our inventory. And if everyone dies, does the share get larger?
Speaker 1:I turn to Riley. That's a hardcore question. Jeez, no, it goes to their families. Yeah, yeah, you gotta appoint. Goes to their families. Yeah, yeah, you gotta appoint an ex of kin.
Speaker 1:He turns to us and says and if the families are dead, oh gosh, and it goes to a holding for orphans. And if the orphans are dead, that's so dark. Yeah, we'll have, there'll be a contract and everything ready. And if the orphans are dead, that's so dark, yeah, we'll have a, there'll be a contract and everything ready. We'll have a no republic standing. Yeah, the last thing he says. We tell him it'll go to an animal care facility and he's like, oh, I can't kill animals, all right, fine, wow, that's funny. Yes, I've always been kind bird guy. I know it's weird for people. Yeah, sorry, sorry, rails Every time we derail it. Sorry, I'm actually really enjoying it, me too, me too.
Speaker 1:Alright, yeah, so what are you guys doing? Heading back to the? Yeah, we're heading back to assemble the crew officially and set sail upon the morrow At dawn. Okay, you get back to the ship. Some of them are milling about already for the noon interview.
Speaker 1:Great Elmo comes up to you and says it's a real collection of weirdos. You got here Motley Crue. Well, it's the kind of crew that you put together when you go into Terror Island, elmo. Yeah, I mean, do we want to rethink this, do we? I forget, did somebody order three of the most expensive cannons in the Skelo X train? Helmo, you're up, bring it in Now, guys, these are what's going to keep us safe on the open ocean. Now that you've seen, we have ancient cannons. I hope you all feel better about the three hots in a cot situation. Yeah, elmo scrambles to get these things installed.
Speaker 1:Meanwhile you've got the interviewees. The captain or not the captain? The pirate is at the front of the line. Do we know our questions? We've got how many candidates? We have? Four, five Pirate, pirate, sailor, sailor yeah, mindy Crab Rack, thrang Cordal yeah, so Crab Rack is the hat guy.
Speaker 1:Yeah, mindy Cordal. Linnell, human Lion. Thrang Felmog, corsair, crab Rack, hat guy. Yeah, mindy Quartle, linnell, human Lion. Trang Felmog, corsair, crabwrap, hat guy. What was the last one? Pirate, oh, pegleg. Yeah, pegleg Pirate Got it.
Speaker 1:Okay, all right, everyone gather around. We've already hired this guy. Let me point to Trang. He nods, stands next to you. Yeah, not, for we couldn't refuse. He's a professional, he's bonded and certified by whatever the thing is Privateer Academy and we think we'll be an exemplary crewmate, right.
Speaker 1:So the rest of you turn to Riley. Are they hired? Yeah, we did. I feel like we need them all. We didn't do the numbers right. Let's just hire them all. I like them all. The rest of you, you're hired, I like them all. Yeah, the rest of you. Yard Yard, yard. So I'm first mate.
Speaker 1:Then we turn to Thrang and see how he reacts. This guy's been to Terror Island, he's experienced. We think he'd be ideal for a first mate. What do you think I like that we're letting Thrang validate all our decisions. He just shakes his head which direction, ben? Which direction? He cuts back to the peg-like guy and he's just got noodles in his mouth, scooping over like that.
Speaker 1:I would not follow this man to Terror Island. Now why do you say that? He's old? It's off his rocker Noted. Congratulations, you're the first mate. Yeah, it is the peg leg guy going to leave if he's not first mate. Yeah, it is the peg leg guy gonna leave if he's not first mate. Mm-hmm, it's fine, that's what he said. I say, uh, go ahead, leave. Then I'm calling your bluff. You want to. I know you want. You want more than anything to go to Terror Island. I know you can be valuable and provide insight.
Speaker 1:But the first mate doesn't just have information, he has leadership qualities. He inspires or terrorizes his men or her men, which is why Galen is the first mate. Make an inspire check, why Galen is the first mate. Make an inspire check, Galen, do it. How's that? How's that feel? Alright, yep, that's one less.
Speaker 1:Yeah, there is just like tons of styrofoam around our boat. Seagulls come in. Yeah, there's like sea creatures dead and stuck in styrofoam boxes, unfortunately, it's really sad Picking wet noodles out of whatever's running. Yeah, oh, now I can just use this trash. Yeah, the only thing keeping the ship afloat is actually the sound of someone's boing. Yeah, this is great. That's fine.
Speaker 1:We never got a name for Pegleg anyways. What about you? Hat Guy Crab Rack? Hat Guy Crab Rack. Hat Guy Crab Rack. You never said what you paid.
Speaker 1:You'll get an equal share of the treasure, a great treasure, the best treasure. There's been no treasure like it. Not to mention three hots in a cot, three hots in a cot policy, three orcs in an orc. Orcs just show up every night Above the SS noggin, ss Noggin Nanda. He seems to consider it and then looks at Ranguni. Make a charm check with Advantage because of Ranguni. Alright, yes, nine, I'm in.
Speaker 1:He walks up Onto the ship. I gotta tell you that is the most magnificent hat I've ever seen. I mean, he walks up onto the ship. I got to tell you that is the most magnificent hat I've ever seen. I mean, he's just here to inspire us with his hat. Let's be real, we don't need it for anything else, that's just entertainment. Every night His hat gets caught in the ropes. He's like, yeah, he's going to be who kills us in a storm like two days. Yeah, my hat. And he's just holding onto it and the boat is like being drifting off. The wind carries him off the ship. So he's in Mindy Ironshot.
Speaker 1:I say, mindy, what about you, seasoned Sailor? We would like to make you the navigator. Okay, uh, I was gonna make lanelle the navigator, but if you want, lanelle is the sailor, lanelle's the blind one. I was gonna make that. I'm sorry, that's the one I wanted to make navigator, because I don't want to use. Oh, interesting, I thought you just wanted to be silly, I wanted to be silly. That's why I was going to make it a navigator both. Um, yeah, okay so, so let's. Uh, we're talking to lynel. I said we say lynel, uh, you're clearly a master at your craft. You're an excellent, not tire, I think you bring a lot to the table. Uh, I think you're undervalued. Um, we'd love to have you as a navigator, I accept.
Speaker 1:I turn to Riley, waiting for her to use her power. I'm going to use according to plan and let Lanelle know that I've converted the Wally's map to Braille. Braille is a thing in Land of Aem. I love it. I do it Barely Seven, actually, it's not a six plus Six plus one. My Braille is spotty. Wait why what? I was going to do that, so I've got to roll Tinker to see if I succeed. I rolled a six because I'm plus three, and then I was going to quest point, but I added the quest point before I added the numbers. Six is the threshold. Yeah, I know. So it's a success with a twist. Terror Island is the only thing with no braille on it. Yeah, yeah, it's fuzzy once we reach the island.
Speaker 1:No, this is very thoughtful of you. I'll do my, my very best. Perfect, so you have. She actually almost falls off the gangplank Twice. No, no, she's not. She's not a bummer, she's not Mrs Magoo.
Speaker 1:And we turn. We have everyone. We turn to the last one, though. No, she's not a bumbling Magoo, no, she's not a Mrs Magoo. We have everyone. We turn to the last one, though it's Mindy Ironshod. We say Mindy, what will it take to get you bored? You drive a hard bargain, that's for sure. Slurpee, done, done. Look, you're promising treasure and can't pass that up. Yes, indeed, yes, indeed, all right.
Speaker 1:Well, looks like we've got our crew. I'll introduce them all to each other and I'll also introduce them to Noggin, the Commandant, and let them know that Noggin is not in charge of the ship. He's kind of a smiling investor as he shuffles with his rabbit slippers. Welcome everybody, I'm Captain Nothing. Well, goodbye, captain Nothing.
Speaker 1:Let me tell you the ground rules. There's a shuffleboard right here. There's a loo number one, loo number two. Elmo is in the meantime handing out pamphlets. There's a shuffleboard right here. There's Lou number one, lou number two. Yeah, elmo is in the meantime handing out pamphlets. He's trying. He's tripping over himself. Oh, here's a pamphlet. Having it come full circle to Lou number one and Lou number two is a masterpiece of storytelling. I love it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, elmo comes over to you and says yeah, are we sure we don't want that old pirate guy? I mean, look, I don't know If you convince him to come aboard without being the first mate, well, I can't do that, but I think he's only going to come if he's the first mate. Who's going to be the first mate if not him? I vote for Galen. Yeah, elmo. Sorry, elmo. No, that's good. Look, I just don't want to be the first mate. Okay, well, there's no worry. Is there a third mate? Yeah, we call it the Gilligan. The Gilligan, yeah, I'll be that. Okay, gilligan, elmo. All right, galen, I guess you're the first mate. I refuse.
Speaker 1:He gives you a key tied to a piece of wood. Oh, is this for the loose? It's for my quarters. I'll move all my stuff out. I say, elmo, you can stay, it's fine. I like sleeping out with the men and or women, you know, under my command.
Speaker 1:There was a part of me that thought that you were gonna say that he hands you the actual bathroom key. That's what I thought it was gonna be too. I was like it's for the lose, I love it. Well, the bathroom is just two buckets on either side Lou number one, lou number two. So you gotta go to the bathroom in a bucket with Lou watching you. Yeah, he's like hey, clean up after yourself, wash your hands. You're hitting the rim. Come on, don't be a slob. Yeah, alright, him. Come on, don't be a slob. Yeah, all right. Wow, all right. That's an hour and a half of putting together a crew. Yeah, it's perfect. Yeah, it is.
Speaker 1:I actually enjoyed putting together the crew, even though I had a lot of fun. It was fun. I didn't need more than that. Um, you got some cannons, that's good. We got cannons, we got a crew, we got a ship. We actually made it georgie. This is it. We're at the scallop bug strand. We're ready to set sail after 600 years. Next quest we die. So the cannons, they do a d12. Wow, let me note that Cannons, they only have a backfiring issue on a one, oh dear and oh dear, and Anyone who uses them has plus one the ranged attacks. That's great.
Speaker 1:We're going to get to Terror Island and never fire a shot the entire time. Hopefully that's the case. We've got to steal the Hornswoggle, though. Right, that's our goal. It's possible you go to Hornswoggle and find more crew. That's a thing you want to do, that's true. It's really funny. What if the Pegleg guy has made it to Hornswoggle and we meet him again? Then he's going to be hired. These guys again. We bump into them a hundred times. Yeah, there's actually a mage who's just teleporting from city to city.
Speaker 1:We say, well, crew, time to bed down for the night. Everyone grab a bowl of noodles and a Slurpee. You all go down under the deck to the mess area where there's, you know the animatronic? We've started sailing. It's like the first night out at sea and like, yeah, it cuts to 300 yards from the ship. And you're just like, yeah, hey, it cuts to 300 yards from the ship. And you're just like, oh yeah, hey, the fell mug just like shakes his head Like drinking his grog alone in the corner Right. All right, I think we're going to end it there though. Yeah, it's a good place to Love it. All right, I think we're going to end it there though. Yeah, it's a good place to do it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, next week we'll go on the adventure proper and learn what it's like to sail on the open seas of the Scallow Islands, something we've never done yet. Yeah, this is the first time I'm sailing the open seas of the Scallow Island Strand Something we've never done yet. Yeah, this is the first time I'm sailing the open seas in Land of Eam. I wonder if any other players have done it, but yeah, for us this is uncharted territory. Indeed, indeed. And if anybody wants to play Land of Eam, you can go to landofeamcom and download the rules for free. You can also sign up to get news about our Kickstarter. That's upcoming very soon. I think the game's also available on DriveThruRPG and please, if you're looking for players or you're a GM looking to run the game, check out our Discord. You can get it in the link at the bottom of this video or you can get it at landofhimcom. Sweet Alright, until next week. Goodbye everybody, farewell, have a great weekend, yarr says. I have a wonderful weekend.
.JPG)
.jpg)
