Land of Eem: Actual Play

We Tried To Fight Plants And The Plants Won | Land of Eem Fantasy Actual Play S05EP11

• Ben Costa, James Parks, George Higgins • Season 5 • Episode 11

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A simple hunt for a drake and a rumored sword spirals fast when our heroes are ambushed by bog snaps, lose their bearings, and learn the hard truth that not every fight in a tabletop RPG is meant to be won. When the swamp itself opens up and swallows the party whole, this Land of Eem game session pivots from survival horror to inventive dungeon crawling—and that’s where the magic really begins.

Beneath the Quagmash, the world of Land of Eem shows off its teeth and its heart. The party barters for safe passage using quiche, fends off kaleidoscorpions whose shifting colors confuse and sting, and discovers that a truly awful roll can still become a gift—especially when it leaves one adventurer glowing like a living lantern. This episode is packed with playful puzzles and storybook logic: a riddle boulder solved by “a ton,” a blank book that opens only when you ask it to “tell me everything,” and an icy chamber that thaws not through force, but through warmth and curiosity.

Season 5 Episode 11 captures why Land of Eem stands out among fantasy RPG actual plays. High-stakes exploration meets goofy, meaningful details. Failure fuels creativity. Combat takes a backseat to clever thinking, teamwork, and wonder. If you love lighthearted fantasy roleplay, scrappy problem-solving, and worlds that reward curiosity over conquest, this episode is for you.

Come for the druidic yarn jokes. Stay for the sinkhole that saves the day, the secret doors hiding in plain sight, and the keys that might unlock freedom.

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SPEAKER_04:

Hi.

SPEAKER_03:

Hello.

SPEAKER_04:

Saturday. Happy Land of Eam Day.

SPEAKER_03:

It is the weekly annual Land of Eam Day. So we've got a new one. Every week has a Land of Eam Day. It's Saturday. It starts 11 a.m. Pacific. Some say that the barrier between our two dimensions is thinnest on Saturdays.

SPEAKER_01:

That's true. It's all part of a druidic uh ritual that started uh back in the days of yarn.

SPEAKER_03:

And um back in the days of yarn, says hi. Back when back when they made everything out of yarn, basically. Yeah, that's what I meant. Yeah. And um call it spinning a yarn because you make everything out of yarn. Exactly. So yeah, welcome everybody to the Land of Eam stream. We're about to play the Land of Eam RPG. It's uh RPG that's been spired by the Land of Eam uh uh series uh Rickety Stitch and Gelantas Goo and Dungeoneer Adventures. Um you can check out land of beam.com to download these rules for free, the beta rules. And uh you should do it soon because we're about to take them down and uh provide a robust quick start guide in preparation for uh launching some information about our crowdsourcing campaign. So check out landbeam.com, sign up for the newsletter, and let's get to adventuring.

SPEAKER_01:

Classic over. So uh last time you guys destroyed the evil at uh Darkshroom Tower, where um horrible cult of mushrooms resided. It was cut in half. Yeah, hooch took in the evil mushroom spirit into his body and had Seth Grim Tusk slice him in half. Yep, thus creating two hooches, one evil hooch, one good hooch, then the evil hooch was slain.

SPEAKER_03:

And now hooch we think, we think the evil hooch was slain.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, everything's fine, guys. Everything's fine.

SPEAKER_01:

So mushrooms uh they have an ability, it's their folk ability, it's able they're able to um die once and split into two beings that they then play as. But um since who charge he did that, he can no longer die again.

SPEAKER_03:

So I use my my folk ability extra life essentially. Yeah, I used it really early too, like really early in the campaign, but it just was too funny to pass up. Uh some would say that this ability can be replenished by finding this little green mushroom called a one-up mushroom. Yeah, wow. George, this is where George DM jams himself. Yeah, yeah. We're gonna play a Mario RPG state. Super Mario Whoa!

SPEAKER_00:

Super Mario Whoa!

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. Super Mario RPG is probably one of my favorite SNES games. Okay.

SPEAKER_03:

All right, let's stop the stream. Let's uh let's just do a let's play of Super Mario RPG. No, dude. Gino Star is Gino's great. Gino. Little known fact about Gino. I think that's the only time he appears ever in any game, except for maybe Smash Brothers. And Wario 6. I don't think the search for more Wario.

SPEAKER_01:

Wario 6, the search for more Wario. All right, let's jump in. Uh you guys are still uh in this hex here in the Quagmash. You guys uh you know slogging through for nine weeks, as is customary in the Quagmash.

SPEAKER_04:

Indeed.

SPEAKER_01:

You're with Seth Grimtusk and Fran Frinkle.

SPEAKER_03:

Uh, all the mushrooms are gonna go their separate ways back to their homes after however long months, years they've been under the spell of this horrible place. Oh gosh, I hope it wasn't years that's right. No, it was definitely uh centuries of mushroom enslavement.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah, they're functionally immortal mushrooms, so they've been there for 600 years.

SPEAKER_03:

They all look like dried shiitake, their minds tortured. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Chini and Bello uh give their deepest thanks to you.

SPEAKER_04:

No problem, Chini and Bello.

SPEAKER_03:

We appreciate it. Nor we you is that what you say to them? I don't know.

SPEAKER_01:

Nor we you, nor I as well.

SPEAKER_03:

Uh I don't say anything, but then hesitantly high-five them. You hit uh Chini in the face. Yeah. Why would you do that? And then you like baby do the same thing to you because they're just trying to fit in. Why would you do it? Yeah, it brings me no joy. Um, so we've got a couple of options here, right, George? Like we know we need to go to the Lost Willows because we're looking for Harn Twinbeard. But the Lost Willows has a Drake. Drake that uh is haunting the skies. And Grimtusk is after that Drake, but he wants to acquire a special sword in order to defeat it. Um, when we turn to Grim Tusk, we see him look back at us and look at Fran. He says, Guys, I've found something more special than uh any old sword. Found this little lady right here, and we're getting married. I did write that Seth and Fran are getting married in the last like notes that I had. That's amazing. They went on an adventure together, found love. Now he doesn't care about the Drake. But I hate the Drake.

SPEAKER_00:

Hate the Drake! Hate the Drake.

SPEAKER_01:

Um, but they were getting married. Yeah, they are getting married, but he does still care about the Drake.

SPEAKER_03:

We should we try to recover his sword. Yeah, but I that seems like the most sensible thing to do. What were we gonna get for escorting Fran? One gold pouch a week or one copper pouch a week, I think. It was definitely not gold a week. No.

SPEAKER_00:

Come on. Nobody had to do that. Yeah, we were gonna buy this uh chapstick here.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah, I know I was just about to say. I thought it looked like a glue stick for a second.

SPEAKER_01:

Let me apply this glue stick to my lips.

SPEAKER_00:

I ran out of chapstick, better gotta try some glue.

SPEAKER_03:

It's called extreme GMing. Just like slowly glue your mouth together and see how we have to we have to read your eyes to know what's happening. It's perfect. I we give that's not that's not stream friendly, Ben. That's not stream friendly. Nothing we do is it's all partially true. Uh all right. So, yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

What do you want to do?

SPEAKER_03:

Uh uh what if we went back to the freaking bar? The bar? The bar? There's a sinking relic query in 3722, so that would be that's where I think the sword might be. That's where we think the sword might be. So that's right here. There was was there not a bar or a tavern, swamp tavern 3117? Yeah, that's that's very much by where we are. That's all the way up in or something. That was the bar fly, the first bar. Yeah, that's outside of bar town. Um, there's 3624, which is a safe magical monster to camp on. We could head there and and just like um try to camp for the night. Although that would be a two-day journey because we only move one hexases, right? Right. You want to head that direction? Like towards the vector maze? At least one hex will be safe. Yeah, we'll camp there, and then we can maybe search the next day for the sword or the sinking reliquary, and and um yeah, although Ben did imply that the entrance to it was farther away than that actual hex. Right, but we may be able to use that hex to find the entrance, and we also know that there might be skeletons inside.

SPEAKER_04:

Because the guy was running from skeletons. Yes, Hank or whatever Hank Azaria. Hank Azaria, Brian, Brian, Brianston.

SPEAKER_01:

All right, let's uh let's get this show on the road, you know.

SPEAKER_03:

Um all right, George, you want to roll it? Let's roll the travel, let's do it. Rolling, rolling, rolling, rolling hot, you know. Here it comes. Here we go big roll sick woo, you know. Bumping the road. Roll a d6. Roll a d6. Oh no. All right, you want to roll? Is that the direction thing? You guys are lost, yeah. Or or do we go random direction? Not in the difficult terrain. In difficult UK, I gotta it make it a chance. Uh guys, uh I feel like we've been here before.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, we see we we've we like break through some like mushroom trees, and then we see Bellow and Sheenie on the other side. They've just been sitting there the entire time. We saw you walk in a circle. I'm gonna know this. I'm gonna brilliantly think that I'm following some tracks of someone else. It just leads back to my own tracks. Yeah, you waste six hours of the day doing that.

SPEAKER_06:

Oh man.

SPEAKER_03:

I don't know. You get us out of here. It's afternoon. Um, it's getting a little humid in the swamp. Making an excheck. Uh swamp skeetos are coming out. Mash Skeetos? Maybe mash skeetos. Oh boy. That's a three. We spontaneously combust.

SPEAKER_01:

All right. Um, it also is minus one.

SPEAKER_03:

That's a two. Oh, Ben, mine would have been uh it's okay. It's okay, it's big boys' rules. You know, yeah, big boys. It's okay. We already passed it.

SPEAKER_01:

But you guys are in the thought stool thicket, so it's minus one, and uh that is a two, that's a perilous encounter, we're all a D100.

SPEAKER_04:

Oh boy, here we go.

SPEAKER_03:

I don't remember um 99 and Riley having this many issues in the Quagmash. Now I don't think that the table gets worse as you get to 100. I don't think it does. Oh no, I meant just in general. Like, I I I'm sure we we did have this much trouble moving through the quagmash, just like you did. Yeah, yeah, we did. It sucks. It's rough out here. It's rough out here. Danger uh around each and every corner.

SPEAKER_01:

So um, you guys are trudging through which way are you going?

SPEAKER_03:

This way, it's a jungle out.

SPEAKER_01:

All right.

SPEAKER_03:

Um all of you, you're walking through, and then these creeping like vines wrap around all of you, your feet, before you can even do anything, and you find yourselves uh snarled by bog snaps, man-eating plants.

unknown:

Oh no.

SPEAKER_01:

You're in a conflict immediately.

SPEAKER_03:

Um picture of these fellers.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah, please do.

SPEAKER_03:

Is that uh Audrey Two? Yeah. It's Audrey Three. Got it. So what they do, they normally look like pink flowers. See these petals. It's a beautiful field of them. The flowers pull back to reveal a hideous, grotesque mouth. It's like Jumanji out of here, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01:

So what are you guys doing?

SPEAKER_03:

Uh um, I'm going to keep wrapped up in them, or is it like we're just they they face us?

SPEAKER_01:

You uh you are wrapped up. They they're starting to grab your feet.

SPEAKER_03:

I am going to use disappearing act and vanish from sight.

SPEAKER_06:

I see. They're blind, they can just feel you. That's horrible.

SPEAKER_05:

That's horrifying. Um, what would I do? Uh I do it.

SPEAKER_03:

Seven. Uh can can I make a uh a swashbuckler check to make up uh an advantageous feature or object. And in this case, I want it to be a low-hanging tree branch with some like um you know vines hanging off of that we could climb up to safety.

SPEAKER_01:

Uh yes, but actually, one moment. Um my bad. I'm just looking at them now.

SPEAKER_03:

So the first phase of a conflict with a box snap is combat because they've wrapped you predatory ambushes. Got it. Then let's get to slicing some vines, Joji. Come on! Uh, I turned my kitar notes into musical daggers to fire them at the feet.

SPEAKER_04:

He transforms his kitar transforms into a weed whacker.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. This shrimp thought of everything. Oh uh they act first in the first round of combat. Man, these guys are brutal. Brutal.

SPEAKER_01:

But you still can do other things, you know.

SPEAKER_03:

You can try them, are there, Ben? There are two of them, but there are many vines that are like grabbing everyone. I want to try and like swipe at the vines, essentially. Before you do that, I'm gonna try to throw a quiche between the two of them to make them fight over it. I like it. Alright, so the first one attacks Sethy and Hooch. Alright, here we go.

SPEAKER_04:

Here we go. Here's where I rely upon my minus two defense.

SPEAKER_03:

This is against Seth. That is a critical hit. Ooh, friends the widower already. That's six dread. This is against Hooch. That is a five, right? Because you have minus two. I'm minus two, that's right. So uh yeah, failure with the miss. The the vines are still like tripping you up a bit, but it whiffs. And then the second one attacks. That is also against Seth and Hooch.

SPEAKER_01:

Seth is it again, and uh yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Seth is I love you, Fran. I think he's at like two. Wow.

SPEAKER_01:

Next attack against Hooch misses. Look at this guy, you know?

SPEAKER_00:

Hey!

SPEAKER_01:

He's a crafty little fella.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. I'm a rascal over here. What are you gonna do?

SPEAKER_01:

Um, I will say though that uh your attempts to escape will have minus one because uh you're kind of getting lost in their vines.

SPEAKER_07:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay. Um yeah, by the way, um Seth is completely entangled on that critical hit.

SPEAKER_03:

All right. So now can I use Disappearing Act?

SPEAKER_05:

Or do I tag first?

SPEAKER_03:

Well, you're you're gonna be making your choice of actions on that. On that. Okay, I'm gonna I'm gonna do disappearing act so I can get out in a way and then free Seth by chopping up the vines with my with my crystal sword.

SPEAKER_01:

Alright, you will have a minus one to your checky.

SPEAKER_04:

That is a 13. Minus one is a 12.

SPEAKER_01:

Nice. Yeah, you uh you slip out and they have no idea where you went.

SPEAKER_03:

And um yeah, Seth also has one block, so he's he's got four curves. Full Cartier.

SPEAKER_01:

Uh Brenda, what are you doing?

SPEAKER_03:

Ben, do you think that they would go for the quiche if I threw it out? In the land of Ean? No. Yeah. Everyone loves quiche. No, I'm gonna take the the torch that we got from our previous haul, and I'm gonna jam it in the mouth of the uh thing and try to set it on fire.

SPEAKER_04:

Okay.

SPEAKER_03:

You know?

SPEAKER_04:

How about you chomp on this? Do on this.

SPEAKER_03:

Uh do an attack. It is a melee attack, I guess.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh my god, who Jimmy's?

SPEAKER_01:

Oh jeez.

SPEAKER_02:

That's a which end of this thing do I hold it?

SPEAKER_03:

Ow, ow. Um, I mean I dropped a torch. I think he just swallows it like and he brips out smoke. Yeah. Yeah, and it's like does not affect it at all. Yeah, like a cartoon swallowing dynamite. Yeah. Well, that's my turn.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh man. I mean, Brendo, you're so uh ineffectual in combat.

SPEAKER_03:

I know it's it's sad. It's sad. I miss Galen. I miss his uh his dummy thick thighs, you know.

SPEAKER_01:

You know, you could uh increase your attack by one.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, you could a lot of XP, isn't it? 25. I I I did increase my athletics by one today. Making progress. Making progress. That's big stats for for Big George.

SPEAKER_01:

All right, so um you guys can control the two NPCs.

SPEAKER_03:

All right, let's role play Fran and uh Seth in their last moments alive as a couple.

SPEAKER_00:

Get out of here, Fran! You leave me behind, you run on off. I forget how he's can't leave you, baby.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh, jeez.

SPEAKER_00:

So Come on now.

SPEAKER_01:

Seth can try to escape this entanglement.

SPEAKER_03:

Yes. That's what I will do with Seth. Entanglement. Make a mite check.

SPEAKER_04:

That's gonna miss. You don't have this trump.

SPEAKER_05:

Yeah, he's not mighty enough. He's been he's been battered and wounded, and he's being squeezed by giant tendrils.

SPEAKER_01:

It's a miss with a plus. I'll say he gets his uh his arm free with his uh weapon. He can't attack now, but nice later.

SPEAKER_03:

Some wild swings later. Um is gonna Fran doing. Yeah, Fran's gonna take her blender bus. We still have that, right? No, she lost it. Okay. Destroyed by ass brain. Yeah, she pulls that yeah, that's true. She pulls a halibird out of my my rucksack and swings wildly with it. Yeah, uh the one with Seth. The one with Seth, yes.

SPEAKER_01:

Alright, roll it up, she has a plus one.

unknown:

Eh?

SPEAKER_03:

She's gonna get counter-attacked, but to start. To start of damage. Tiz! D8 damage? Okay. Um d20, I think. D8, yes. D20. Um, oh Ben, uh, how far away was Fran from this thing? Could she have charged at it conceivably? Uh no, you guys are pretty close. Okay, all right. So you're sorry, we said d8, yes?

SPEAKER_00:

Let go my Maya.

SPEAKER_03:

No one knows why they talk like that. They haven't talked like that this entire campaign. Now they all talk like that. Alright, to dread. It notices her.

SPEAKER_06:

Two dread.

SPEAKER_01:

It is the next round. This time it's normal. You can wrangle flee. Uh you know, got your whole suite of options there.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. You can choose what to do now.

SPEAKER_03:

Um, I'm going to. I know I want to attack the the ones that are wrapped around uh Seth and try to free him. Ben divines. All right. Uh you yes. No, no, sorry. Yeah, resolve this first, and then I'll ask my question. Sorry. Ben sounded like a science teacher when he was by the. Yes. True calling.

SPEAKER_01:

Pooch. Uh make a mic check to help him out.

SPEAKER_03:

All right, here we go.

SPEAKER_01:

13, baby. All right, you rip them loose. Um, Brendo.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, so could I narrate her the death of a of a monster in combat? No. Just, you know, gotta ask. You could narrate like a specific action. I don't like it. I don't like it.

SPEAKER_02:

Alright, alright. How about this?

SPEAKER_03:

Uh uh, could I use famous and invent something that the monsters may have heard about me? Making them want to leave me alone. They're not sent in, are they?

SPEAKER_01:

Not on that level.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, okay. I'm gonna heal, I'm gonna heal Seth. Because I feel like that would be a good use of my abilities. That's true. He's almost down. Oh wait, that's out of combat.

SPEAKER_03:

Can I not heal in combat?

SPEAKER_05:

Do I not take those things?

SPEAKER_03:

Well, shucks howdy. We're gonna pop us some pimple plants.

SPEAKER_01:

What is your question?

SPEAKER_03:

No, I just I thought I had an ability to heal in combat, but I don't. I think I might have not taken that ability when I leveled up. I think I also made that better. You probably did. Um, that's fine. So I will instead uh attack this round. Same one that has been harassing Seth. Wow, how is this? You know, I just I'm not meant to attack, is what's going on. My key tar breaks. Um, and you could just attack. He did. You rolled a one again. You rolled a zero.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, yeah, that's that.

SPEAKER_00:

Wow, I'm sorry. I my cat's on the table. That's too funny.

SPEAKER_04:

I mean I mean, that's that's a bad role.

SPEAKER_03:

That's just two bad roles. Every time I try to attack, it's a bad role. George, you also didn't roll um initiative to attack. That could be my initiative role.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

To make it a two. Appreciate you. You're a bail organ. Uh I go after these these fools. Uh a roll for Fran. No, Fran always, they always go after them. That's right. So Hoochie. Uh I rolled might already. Yeah, you pulled Seth loose. Yeah, I pulled Seth loose. So Seth could attack. Oh, that was your that was your action this round. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, they're attacking now, and attack Fran with critical hit.

SPEAKER_03:

Oh lord. Oh my gosh. And Seth with a critical hit.

SPEAKER_04:

Oh my Seth's dad.

SPEAKER_03:

Go on without us. We die together, boys. It's nine to Fran. And nine to Seth. Seth is just done.

SPEAKER_00:

Seth! No! No!

SPEAKER_03:

This plan is uh boy. Oh my good lord. I don't know if it's the plan.

SPEAKER_04:

It's a perilous encounter. Seth is gone.

SPEAKER_01:

He's he's a newlywed. Someone roll uh Seth's defy death.

SPEAKER_03:

Eight. Plus whatever is uh he's got plus two. The Teledad.

SPEAKER_01:

He he's he like escapes without a horrible injury as well.

SPEAKER_05:

Nice.

SPEAKER_01:

He's uh but he's not well. I mean he's he's unconscious and entangled by me. Um they're both entangled. Oh geez. Fran is alive, but what how do you want to handle this?

SPEAKER_05:

Um is are these goons or bruisers? Bruis.

SPEAKER_04:

All right, I'm gonna I'm gonna try to clock one. Just outright knock him over. Unchop it set off.

SPEAKER_01:

I think you could only do that against the one that uh does not have them.

SPEAKER_03:

Also, sorry. It's their turn. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_04:

This is gonna be the worst part. Eaten by plants in the bottom.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Hooch, are you still uh hidden?

SPEAKER_03:

I think he is. Um no, I shouldn't be anymore.

SPEAKER_04:

I'm not. I shouldn't be anymore. It's only one round, I imagine.

SPEAKER_03:

You've already like presented yourself when you pulled him out.

SPEAKER_05:

Yeah, and when I so all right, hooch your attacked. Uh minus two is still a 12.

SPEAKER_03:

So wow, Ben, you're just you're rolling like you're rolling high. I mean, there's nothing you can do about it.

SPEAKER_05:

It's not Ben, it's the Gloom King rolling now. Oh no, you did 14. Uh it's not that that uh that uh just I take it on the chin and just fall backwards like totally unconscious.

SPEAKER_03:

Brento. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh my god. Oh, come on. Oh no, oh no, oh god, we gotta run. We gotta run, man. It's too late if we're running, man. We're all dead. Game over, man. Game over. What happens?

SPEAKER_03:

You awaken in the belly of a beast. Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_04:

Wait, wait, wait. So, what what happens when bog snaps are victorious? I don't remember.

SPEAKER_03:

Oh, you there's the you guys have conditions for each monster? What happens with the victorious? Well, they're critters, so it's like assumed that they just eat you. They just eat you. Yeah. What just happened, guys? We just got eaten.

SPEAKER_01:

I mean, you guys can wake up.

SPEAKER_03:

In the belly of the beast? Like a dinoga?

SPEAKER_01:

The belly of a belly of a Starlac pit? You guys aren't like completely knocked out, so roll how many rounds you're out.

SPEAKER_03:

They're slowly feasting on our bodies. Two rounds. Two rounds.

SPEAKER_06:

Alright.

SPEAKER_05:

Hmm.

SPEAKER_03:

Can't beg against these things. I mean, we we just run, dude. Yeah, we just have to run. We should have just ran. I didn't I didn't realize how dangerous they'd be. Nor did I. Just a couple plants.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh, they're uh giant manning plants.

SPEAKER_03:

You know what you need in that picture that you showed us, Ben? A person for scale. No, no, no. It's like something for scale, because I I just assumed they were like a couple feet tall, like a little piranha plants, but it turns out like Audrey tubes.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, they're like full-grown Audrey tubes.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, yep. Not that that would have changed the way we encountered them at all. Still been we would have still been like, yeah, maybe we can take them. Yeah, no, we we have to remember we can't take anything, we have to run and be and be clever.

SPEAKER_04:

Um all right, so although we didn't have much chance because we had to get unentangled or they guess anyway.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, yeah. I mean, yeah.

SPEAKER_05:

Is Fran awake? Yes. So she just has to stand for two rounds so that we don't party.

SPEAKER_03:

Um okay. Yeah, I guess you have to roll that out, Ben. She could be trying to drag Seth away or something. That might that be what I might do. Yeah, try to like might check to get him out of the way. Like leave leaving, like honestly, she'd leave us behind and try to save Seth and like hope that the beasts would just devour the two of us.

SPEAKER_01:

All right, let's see how that uh turns out.

SPEAKER_04:

Grimdarkheem.

SPEAKER_01:

Success with a twist.

SPEAKER_03:

Behind her is an even bigger Seth has been impregnated with bog snap eggs. Wow. Sorry. It's very alien.

SPEAKER_00:

I don't feel good, guys.

SPEAKER_02:

Hello, my baby. Hello, my honey, hello my rag.

SPEAKER_03:

Oh. This would be a Schwartz class. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

May the Schwartz be with you.

SPEAKER_01:

All right. Um what's her face, Fran? What's her face, Fran?

SPEAKER_03:

That's her first real name, actually. But uh he is badly wounded. Oh boy. He does take a lasting injury.

SPEAKER_04:

He's covered with thorns, puncturing all of his vital organs.

SPEAKER_01:

Um, and what that what does that mean for you two? Uh you two rounds pass of you being like entangled by these things.

SPEAKER_03:

You wake up and you're both facing down the mouth of a a bog snap. The I guess the lucky thing is is both of you can't be eaten at once.

SPEAKER_04:

I am gonna try to headbutt mine with ruffian and knock it out.

SPEAKER_03:

As it's like putting me into its mouth.

SPEAKER_04:

I'm gonna try to be like, boom!

SPEAKER_03:

I was gonna I was gonna narrate us at least getting away from them. All right. Like like it won't be a too terrible, like it won't be a too Dez X mocking a thing, I think. Well, you can combo like Hooch can knock you guys free, and then Rundo. Go for it.

SPEAKER_04:

Alright, I'm I'm gonna try, I'm gonna ruffian with a headbutt against the one that's about to eat me.

SPEAKER_03:

That's an eight. I'll use a quest point to make it a nine. Everything in the bug is minus three, so sorry. Oh, jeez.

SPEAKER_04:

Um, so that's a nine. I gotta upgrade the quest point. I gotta go for the third quest point.

SPEAKER_03:

You guys need to check if you're uh wounded as well.

SPEAKER_06:

Oh four, three, it's plus vitality.

SPEAKER_04:

Oh, uh six, five, five for me, two.

SPEAKER_01:

It's two.

SPEAKER_03:

Oh, Brendo's definitely wounded. She could choose to use a quest point. Yeah, I would use a quest point, definitely. Um the the armor is resist death, not wounds, right?

SPEAKER_01:

Um, it depends on which what kind of armor you have.

SPEAKER_03:

I got uh I thought I had a helmet. Superb Goloshes. It's not gonna help. Your helmet is only on your defy death roll. Right, yeah. I have a hard hat on, which helps. Okay. That's good. But if you have chest armor that would help resist wounds, right. Alright. So you've knocked the thing in the face, kind of freeing you guys momentarily. Brendo, can you bring it home with your minus one because you're wounded? Yeah. Uh a narrator, uh, and then Brendo and Hooch with a start. The bog snacks of bog snaps apparel drove them apart, sliding down embankments to water below. Are they safe from the bog snacks? Nobody know. That's so good. I have to like pre-write things, otherwise, I can't I can't just spit them out. Well, I mean, how how much pre-writing could you have done? Like, this is a random encounter. No, I mean, like, so I don't know if like we could we would slide down and be like separated, but at least away from these things, yeah. Okay, I feel like that's at least plausible. Yeah, let's do it. I use Ode to re-roll my own ability. Can you? That's not how it works. It's not how it works.

SPEAKER_01:

Um what's your uh totes?

SPEAKER_03:

This is a higher it's actually four minus one is three. Plus the quest point that wouldn't matter. It don't work, but there's a plus. Maybe yes. Uh failure with a plus. Um maybe we don't like maybe we don't roll that far from the uh box naps.

SPEAKER_01:

Um you guys are gonna have to run like legitimately run away.

SPEAKER_03:

You can't just uh Yeah, narrate it. All right. Uh Q the agony sacks.

SPEAKER_01:

All right. So it is uh roll beep.

SPEAKER_03:

Let's do a little chase scene.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay.

SPEAKER_03:

Scooby-doo style.

SPEAKER_01:

Here's how it's gonna work. Alright, you guys gotta get three successes before you get three failures.

SPEAKER_03:

I like it. I like it, I like it, I like it.

SPEAKER_01:

And you will describe how you are aiding your escape. So one of you will have to make two checks.

SPEAKER_04:

I'll do the two checks.

SPEAKER_03:

Definitely.

SPEAKER_01:

I mean you could you could you'll switch off, you'll alternate. So uh whoever wants to go first, describe what you're doing. You have to do something different each time, use a different ability or skill.

SPEAKER_03:

Okay, um, I will run through we're in thode stool to thicket.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

I will um I'll run through an area with a bunch of uh uh thhodes, like all like burping at each other, and I'll slingshot one of them in the eye right behind us to spring into action, maybe jump in front of the bog snaps. All it does is eat me. I roll a one that eats fresh. Yeah, if you roll a one that eats me, I like it.

SPEAKER_04:

All right, all right. Um, what is that? Nimbleness. Oh god, that's a five, and I have no quest points.

SPEAKER_03:

All right, that is one failure. Um sorry, George. They got eaten by those. That should have worked.

SPEAKER_02:

Um, no, it's fine, dude. We're gonna make it. Uh swashbuckler.

SPEAKER_03:

Uh, I'm gonna pull uh hooch a different direction uh out of the path of the thhods, and I'll say, quick, let's scramble up this embankment. I don't think the bug snaps can follow us. Um, so it'll be a fairly steep embankment with some vines that we can climb.

SPEAKER_01:

What are you using?

SPEAKER_03:

Uh swashbuckler.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay.

SPEAKER_03:

What's going on?

SPEAKER_00:

The worst rolls in history.

SPEAKER_03:

It it's like every time it's been a one. Yeah, that's like four ones. I'm gonna, yeah, I'm gonna I'm gonna reload. We have done nothing successfully. Reloading roll twenty. Um you guys are just getting like cornered and turned around by these vines that are whipping in front of you, and like yeah, you're going in circles. It looks dire at this point. You guys have to do that. We have to get one six for one failure. Yeah. Oh my god, Ben. Um it's your turn, James.

SPEAKER_02:

Uh I can't beg.

unknown:

All right.

SPEAKER_03:

Wait, too proud to beg? I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna do some that uh that you didn't like the dynamite, aren't you? We already I don't have any dynamite left. What's wrong with us? Don't even have dynamite. Um would it be insane if I used bar bar fly again? I I love the idea that it becomes like a siege situation which the bar is being sieged by bog snaps, just like whipping through the windows. I mean, if you become something creative, it it's not gonna be like you're protected. It's it counts as one success in this chase. So you maybe like the chase just goes through the bar. Yes, that's kind of what I that's almost exactly what I was thinking. We we pause and rehydrate and then keep going. So I what yeah, what I was gonna say is um we spot like a hollowed-out log, and it's like it looks like it's like a bar filled with like little things, but it's just big enough for us to hunch inside, and we we run right through it. I don't even know the name of the place, but I do stop to take a rascal cider from the bar as we run through. It's like only a thimbleful because everything's little. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like it's like boggles and brownies and fairies and something.

SPEAKER_00:

Get out of here, get out of here, lonely, it's your own place.

SPEAKER_01:

There's like an 80s, like uh what slow motion replay.

SPEAKER_03:

Oh diving out of the way, some boxes exploding. Well, it doesn't matter. You guys are doing great here.

SPEAKER_04:

This is uh this is this is a three.

SPEAKER_03:

Straight up three. You dive headlong into a log, and you're just stuck there, and the bug snaps each like that. My mushroom like hats. Can't I can't lie, just like hit directly into it and knock myself out. That was the third failure. We're dead. I mean, Ben's Ben's tried. He's tried so hard to not kill us.

SPEAKER_02:

But these rolls, oh Lord, you guys are worse roles again by these bog snaps.

SPEAKER_03:

You can see that they like pluck themselves out of the ground. See the roots looks like they're ravenous. Uh oh, I I um I'm gonna use my level five ability called Troop to enlist the help of a bard in the performance scene to uh come get eaten by these things instead of us. It's like all a lot of my abilities are like unlikely to be useful in this area of the world. Yeah, same. Um James, you want to or do you have any exhausted abilities you want to use again? I can I can ode you. I have two more abilities.

SPEAKER_05:

I have a similar ability where I can summon a gang like other rascals that I know to help me with a heist or like a specific shakedown or task, and then I could do backstabber if I I could attempt to do backstabber against uh one of them and maybe kill it. Okay, all right.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, it's the top of the round. Um try to wrangle them somehow.

SPEAKER_04:

I mean, should I try to kill one? Like, is it worth it?

SPEAKER_06:

I don't know.

SPEAKER_03:

Uh I mean both of our abilities are just summoning like manpower, just like meat to like throw at the enemy. Yeah, I don't even think I don't even think I can use mine because where is a barred troop gonna come in the middle of you know where is a gang? You guys just oh yeah, we just did we just go through a bar. That's fair. No, no, that that no, that fit. Yeah, it didn't happen. Otherwise, that would have been we would have had the options. It was just one brownie having tea in the window of our house.

SPEAKER_01:

Um look, you guys are free to use the abilities at your your disposal. Like, I'm not gonna say you can't use no, I know.

SPEAKER_03:

Um, I only have three more abilities and no quest points. So uh I'm going to try to use backstabber on one of them and just hope I roll well and can nuke it from orbit. All right, you're you'll have to uh get initiative.

SPEAKER_01:

I can't do perception. That's five. I don't know. I have zero perception.

SPEAKER_00:

Because I'm a mushroom, I don't know anything.

SPEAKER_03:

You guys re-roll new characters. I hope you uh realize that increasing skill points may have helped. Yeah, that is that is the worst that is the worst thing to say. That is like even worse, so is that I just increased the skill point and it did nothing for me. So I will never do it again.

SPEAKER_00:

I'll never do it again.

SPEAKER_03:

Um hold on. I have I may have a get out of jail card here. I already died, so I have none.

SPEAKER_04:

Oh wait, you already they already killed you? No, no, I mean I I used my folk ability.

SPEAKER_01:

How much you should probably I don't think you ever determine how much each yeah, oh yeah.

SPEAKER_04:

What is it, a d4? D6?

SPEAKER_01:

D6 plus your level.

SPEAKER_04:

All right, eight. That's not bad. That's not bad. It's a good chance that they'll miss me. It's a v6 that they'll miss me. I am minus two, so if I can just live for like one hit, then I might be able to kill one.

SPEAKER_03:

So let me see if I get finished. Whenever I could turn my rolls around, this would be the time I want it to happen. Okay, alright. We're gonna roll another narrator check to use a quest point to make it possibly work.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay.

SPEAKER_03:

You didn't even need to roll initiative for that. Oh, that'd be my narrator check. Sure. Okay. I'm not gonna tell you what it was. Uh and then our two heroes joined at the hand, heroic and mighty, they took their last stand. Before they were eaten, a rumble did sound, a hole opened up and they plunged deep underground. Nice. Plus one for rhyming. Fell into a sinkhole. Plus one for quest point. So there's an underground cavern that they won't follow us into. At least it's like out of the frying pan, maybe into the fire, but it's like yeah, at least we can like have a second to assess the fire.

SPEAKER_01:

All of a sudden, yeah, the ground gives way.

SPEAKER_03:

You you see like everyone, like even the box snaps falling. I was hoping they wouldn't fall too. But it's just it's like a uh a wave of dirt, and you guys tumble down a sinkhole, and you splash into some water. Um you have no idea where you are. You look up and then you just see a pinhole of light. Falling quite a ways. Oh, yeah. Uh, I'm gonna say you probably take dread from this fall. Ben, I I know James just rolled his HP, but I was crafting my terrible statement. What would how do we do the HP as D6 plus your level? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Good thing I just leveled up. I got half my life back.

SPEAKER_03:

Nice. But I'm about to lose right now, but that's fine. Yeah, you take one point of dread. Oh, I'm a bird. Can I just float down? Oh, yeah. Or could that would that be the implication that I only took one dread because I floated down?

SPEAKER_01:

Uh well, all this stuff is like yeah, above, yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

It's fine. I'll take one dread. Um I can see in the dark. I have it, I'm proficient in seeing in the dark. Brendo laying on his back on the description. Since we don't have that torch anymore, Orlando says to you. Thanks for sharing, Hooch. I can hooch. I can see in the dark.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, you can sort of see in the dark, make a perception check of advantage to uh scope out what's ahead of you.

SPEAKER_03:

Hmm. I do it. Hooch uses fungi recognition and realizes that we're surrounded by his people. I roll an eight. Oh no, I'm sorry, a nine, so I I succeed.

SPEAKER_01:

Uh you see something um lurking in the water to the left of you, but there's also a path, like a tunnel that goes on straight ahead.

SPEAKER_04:

I will Brendo, there's something up ahead, but there's a tunnel that I think we can take. I don't know what's in that water though. It could be nasty.

SPEAKER_03:

Um, I am gonna use good news. And I'm gonna make up a positive fact about this place that these are the toadstool tunnels, and they're um populated ex exclusively by vegetarian toads. But they like live veggies like these these plants, I think. Roll it. Roll it, roll it, he says.

SPEAKER_01:

Roll it, he says. Show me that four.

SPEAKER_03:

Uh am I oh yeah, minus one because of the the wound. Uh it hurts who wounded. It's a four. It's not true, none of it.

SPEAKER_01:

Um it's not true, uh, but it is a throw.

SPEAKER_03:

There are they eat lots of things. Yeah, they're indiscriminate in their uh culinary cuisine. Um could I we could toss at the quiche and like maybe sneak by.

SPEAKER_01:

Here boy, here boy.

SPEAKER_04:

Throw it at the uh thing.

SPEAKER_03:

Toss quiche in the water. We have one quiche each, we're both armed with quiche. I hand you a quiche and I say, I don't know what to do, hooch, but I'm gonna throw this thing.

SPEAKER_00:

Hey, little fella, maybe I got a milk phone.

SPEAKER_04:

Uh I will um I'm gonna inch forward with the quiche in my hand and like go like mmm, yum, and like try to like have if it's gonna stick a giant tongue out and grab me, like maybe it'll grab the quiche and said kind of thing. Yeah. Uh make a charm check.

SPEAKER_06:

Oh boy.

SPEAKER_03:

Ten. Nice. Um, can I do the same thing? No, I already went. Shoot. Yeah, you you don't need to. I mean, this is like root activity.

SPEAKER_01:

We got one success, let's not risk it.

SPEAKER_03:

No, yeah. Like wraps around the quiche, and like there's a weird moment where it's like pulling on your arm too, but it lets go. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04:

I'll be like, come on, Brenda, let's go. Let's get it, get the heck out of here. We sneak. All right.

SPEAKER_06:

We've befriended the toad.

SPEAKER_01:

You can go down the dark tunnel.

SPEAKER_03:

Let's do it. Where are the bug snaps and all this? Not to look at gift force in the mouth. You can see like writhing happening underneath the dirt behind you.

SPEAKER_04:

Partially buried. Should we finish them?

SPEAKER_07:

No.

SPEAKER_03:

I would critically miss the the coup de gras. And then it pulls you in like a grand boy. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

No. Um, all right. So you guys, it's been a long day. This is like most of the day. You guys could push ahead. Um I feel like we have to find somewhere to unless we can you know hunker down the tunnel behind us. Oh yeah, it's really not safe where you are.

SPEAKER_03:

It's not we gotta keep pushing, yeah. Yeah, we could we we um push, we take a click. Yeah. We take a click with it.

SPEAKER_01:

Make vitality checks, both of you.

SPEAKER_03:

All right. I 12. Oh, finally nine. That's including my um wounded penalty. Nice.

SPEAKER_01:

So you guys um are able to push ahead without any issue.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Um make a realms check now.

SPEAKER_03:

My turn?

SPEAKER_05:

Yeah. Uh yes, I'm the one that this bef befell us in the last one.

SPEAKER_02:

I got some news for you.

SPEAKER_03:

Oh boy, oh boy. Um what happened to like the C of sixes I was rolling? You know, like I'll take that. I'll take that. This is like another uh Rendo in Wonderland. Another perilous, this is a perilous encounter. Fish called Wanda. Um D100, George. 65. We have to avoid this one somehow. We have to just get the hell out. I burned all my quest points, I think.

SPEAKER_05:

I think I have one quest. I have no quest points and no powers, except for I have no I have, I guess I have to do that.

SPEAKER_01:

All right, this is uh kind of funny. You guys, as you go, as you are in this tunnel, you fall into another sinkhole.

SPEAKER_03:

What that's too much. We're like 300 feet below sea level now.

SPEAKER_01:

This is like oh you're spat out into what looks like an abandoned mine filled with just like random passages. You guys have entered a random dungeon.

SPEAKER_03:

Oh, this is the worst, but kind of the best. No, I was gonna say, did we get a treasure near academy? But yeah. The treasure, yes.

SPEAKER_02:

I I agree with you.

SPEAKER_03:

But we're we just have to not die in here. That's uh that's a tall order. Gotta get five keys. Gotta get five keys. Um yeah, so now you guys are if you keep pressing on, you definitely will become tired. Well that's camp for the night.

SPEAKER_04:

Is there a way to secure this area that we're in so we can rest?

SPEAKER_01:

No, no, no. Are you a loyal chum?

SPEAKER_04:

Uh no, I'm not a loyal chum. And I have no traps or anything, no gear.

SPEAKER_03:

Let's just uh sleep in shifts. And that's all we can do. Can we forage for tubers? No, we have uh weef up one of our keys. I assume Fran and and Seth have like run off. Like this, they're you guys are majorly separated. They're majorly separated.

SPEAKER_05:

Yeah, we'll catch them, we'll catch up to them when we get to that that tomb or that.

SPEAKER_03:

But when we catch up to them, they're gonna be like, you abandon us.

SPEAKER_04:

I don't think that they'd think that. Yeah. They're being eaten by predatory. If anything, they abandoned you. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

I mean, if we're gonna come back and find them, it's gonna be for revenge. Yeah, we're gonna kill them on their their wedding day.

SPEAKER_00:

Nice sword, Seth!

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

That's too good. All right, let's do it. Let's just let's camp and we'll we'll see how it goes. That's what I'd say we do. Yeah, I like it. We'll let the roles decide. Let the earls decide.

SPEAKER_01:

All right, um, what do you do at camp? Camp candy? Camp candy.

SPEAKER_00:

The bug bites, the beard bites, the bark of the tree bites.

SPEAKER_03:

Are you gonna spend time to tell a story or say anything, or just like be quiet and eat? I I I mean, I mean, I feel like I feel like maybe this was a bad idea, this whole thing, harn beard, you know, trying to take down the tricky toes.

SPEAKER_04:

I'm losing faith in my own personal quest from what were we thinking, man?

SPEAKER_03:

We're just a couple of city slickers after Curly's gold. We don't belong in here. Yeah. We both have major qualms about her quests, I think. Or like maybe maybe we should just go back.

SPEAKER_01:

Brendo, who uh yeah, it's all about your mom, dude.

SPEAKER_03:

I know. Yeah, but you know, maybe there's another way that doesn't involve being out here in the quagmash. Yeah, I mean, this was all my idea, Hooch. Brendo. Oh, you're evil, Hooch, aren't you?

SPEAKER_02:

I knew yeah, that's the perilous encounter.

SPEAKER_00:

The docks room tower with us.

SPEAKER_03:

I say no, I tell Hooch not to blame himself. It seemed like a good idea. Like, I I was on board with it, but um look, if we ever get out of here, you know, I'll let you call the shots from now on.

SPEAKER_04:

That wouldn't be a good idea.

SPEAKER_03:

We're team, hooch. We're team.

SPEAKER_04:

If you don't think that'd be a good idea, then where does it leave us?

SPEAKER_03:

Like what then what are we gonna do? Dang it, hooch. We ride together, we die together. I shake him.

SPEAKER_04:

I I uh I almost eat the dark shroom that I have on me, but remember that it's poison. And uh I guess we could I have well, I have rotten fish. Do we have any do we oh we have one quiche to eat?

SPEAKER_03:

I have a man-eating warbler and a crack. Uh it's fair. We still haven't consumed the roadbread somehow. Oh, that's true. The quiche is not something that lasts a long time, so you should eat it. We split the quiche. Roll a d6 to heal myself. And to say I'd roll a d6 to see if I eat the quiche. I don't. It's uh magic quiche.

SPEAKER_01:

You you do eat it. It just resumed. It's not a rat.

SPEAKER_03:

Oh, that's right. Uh then to regain hit points is a d6 plus level.

SPEAKER_01:

Just a d6, my friend.

SPEAKER_03:

Just a i I should I rolled a six? Wow. I rolled a six again. We we just rolled four sixes in a row. Four sixes in a row, yet couldn't roll worth the bang. Uh no, sir. We we feel hope in our bellies full of in this dank. You also covered uh any any wandering intruder coming and bothering you because of the quiche. That's good. I smelled it. It was we critically succeeded. The quiche was turning and like the anything that was worth it. Anything was uh we spend the whole night farting at the into the fire. The only thing that keeps it going is there's no more wood. Uh you when you wake up, you have one of those moments where you don't know where you are, and it's like really jolting. Yeah. Uh you realize you're in a dungeon. I can't see anything. Well, we're in this dungeon and uh the likelihood of our success is low. Uh well, you know, never tell me the odds. Um, I light my torch. It is still useful. Oh no, I got eaten by that stupid guy.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah, we have no fire. I I can I can see in the dark, but that's it. We have to like take we have to make torches or something.

SPEAKER_03:

I put on the wizard hat. Does nothing. It makes you feel powerful, but it has no abilities. Yeah. But you should rather wizard it.

SPEAKER_01:

It is dark, and that will likely be an issue of uh just fear, a sense of horrible fear that you're feeling.

SPEAKER_03:

Just like take metal checks and move forward. Yeah, it would take one courage or lose one courage each time or each round we're in here. Um, can I search the room? Like, because this is a dungeon, right? Not like a or is it a cave? Is it like a it seems like it's abandoned mine. Yeah, abandoned mine. Okay, could I could I use I want to use search to see if I can't combo my seeing in the dark with like probing the walls to find any torches that might be still hung up on the walls all this time. Oh cool.

SPEAKER_07:

Okay.

SPEAKER_03:

Amazing. You find an armful of torches.

SPEAKER_05:

Um that's so I can see in the dark, and this is for torches still a six.

SPEAKER_02:

Ben, I'm still wounded, correct? Sorry.

SPEAKER_03:

Find a torch, but it's in the hand of a skeleton.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh yes. Oh, I found one! Give it, give it. Um, yeah, you find a torch. Um so yeah, let's jump into the random dungeon procedures where you will be rolling a D12 plus search for each room as you progress. Uh let's ask, though, what is your goal? Is it just to uh escape?

SPEAKER_03:

I think our goal is to escape. And if we happen to find treasure, that'd be great. Well, because the thing is you have to give up keys to get the treasure, right? So it's like you either escape if that's the goal, or use them to be. Right, right, right. Which is gonna be the exit. Yeah, so agreed. We agree that yeah, the exit is our goal. If we do well enough and find keys, it's gonna change our positioning and we're gonna try to go for the treasure. Oh, yeah, 100%. Because we're mostly full on courage, mostly.

SPEAKER_04:

Mostly. I'm full. I have no abilities, but I'm full. I mean, I have some abilities. I have two abilities. Three three things I can do, which maybe enough. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01:

Let's kick this off. All right, uh, George, make a search check.

SPEAKER_02:

I'm gonna make a search check.

SPEAKER_03:

It's gonna be a five. All right, you counter hazard. Oh still. World of D. Then how do I get rid of wings again?

SPEAKER_01:

Uh you have to rest for a while for okay.

SPEAKER_03:

There are like potions that do it. Right. First aid kits. I don't know. Uh I got a six. Okay, that is I'm not gonna tell you.

SPEAKER_01:

Roll a d100.

SPEAKER_03:

100 teacup spiders. 84.

SPEAKER_01:

Spiders. All right, there's a large boulder that sits in the middle of a room that has no doors.

SPEAKER_03:

The answer is time that has no doors. Kind of comes, it looks like a dead end. How did they get it in here? Is the boulder in the center of the room or like blocking a passage? No, it's just in the center. Uh it's in the middle of the room. Oh is the the boulder alive in any way? You get closer, and carved into the rock are some words. It says forwards, I'm heavy, backwards, I'm not.

SPEAKER_06:

It's a ton.

SPEAKER_03:

At that a hatch immediately opens in the floor leading down. I love dungeons, and I jump in. It's amazing.

SPEAKER_01:

For our viewers, there's not picking that up. Ton, that's heavy. Forwards, you read it forwards, backwards, it says not.

SPEAKER_03:

Yep, yeah. Wordplay is the word play. And Georgie is a genius. No, I just if it's I always answer time, and this is the only time I didn't. Yeah, you I heard you say time. I want I've said it several times now. The answer for the riddle is time. We we made that a running joke in Dungeoneer Adventures number two, George. Did you really? We did. I love time and water. Yeah, those are the universal answers for riddles. Gotta be. Dungeoneer Adventures 2. Quest for more money. Um let's hope. So we jump in. We don't we don't find a key, but we uh move to another area for another check, correct? Yeah, you find a a corridor that goes downwards, James. Make a search check.

SPEAKER_05:

Yes, we'll do. That is three.

SPEAKER_03:

Sorry, George. It's off to a great start. Yeah, dude. It's fine. We're still alive somehow. That's uh I know that I'm gonna buff my search after this quest. That's for sure. I am gonna penalize it more.

SPEAKER_01:

I'm gonna give myself XP. Um, all right.

SPEAKER_03:

Roll me a d6 and a d100. Yep, here it comes. A four and a 67. I love random dungeons, though. They're fun. They are fun. Just like crazy Ernie uh his house in that last time. Two whole sessions we were in that random dungeon, man. God, Gail Robaldo. Was that her? Was that Gail Robaldo?

SPEAKER_05:

Was it Gail Robaldo?

SPEAKER_01:

Hey Noodle.

SPEAKER_03:

I don't know. Noodle seems to think so. I know, she's so beautiful.

SPEAKER_01:

Um come into a place, uh sort of rocky area of this abandoned mine, and there are kaleidoscorpings all over the the walls and ground.

SPEAKER_03:

It's like the the walls and ground are like illuminated with weird shifting colors kind of thing. Yeah. It's it's very disorienting to look at. Um getting hypnotized by colidoscorpions.

SPEAKER_04:

I wonder if we could like blindfold ourselves, or that'd be terrifying.

SPEAKER_02:

I don't know.

SPEAKER_04:

Um do they do they hypnotize you? Um probably not a lot to eat down here. Maybe we can like throw a fish at them and they'll like go crazy. Give it a shot.

SPEAKER_03:

It's like you know, to pass through this corridor, it's a lot of them. Like yeah, they're all over. Yeah. All over. So like throwing a piece of fish might distract some, but yeah.

SPEAKER_05:

So um, could I attempt to uh navigate them with nimbleness?

SPEAKER_01:

Um straight up doing that will be difficult.

SPEAKER_03:

Okay. So you'll have an advantage. All right. Um, I meant what I want to do is like toss a fish like in the in our path, like get them all piled up, and then try to navigate around where they start to collect on the fish. What do you think, George? I mean, I I don't disagree with that. I think it's good. I just I'm limited for what I can do, and I can't I can't lie to a scorpion. So I don't know. Yeah, I can.

SPEAKER_04:

I blow all of my creative abilities on the scorpions that don't know.

SPEAKER_03:

I'm gonna use blending into a crowd to uh blend to the crowd of scorpions.

SPEAKER_04:

Um all right, I'm gonna I'm gonna toss the uh man-eating warbler because I've decided to give up on my dream of ever being able to trade in 12 fish for that boat.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Uh you take you take him out of the fish tank you've been hauling this entire time.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah. I'm uh I'm gonna toss that. Should I roll an attack or um no?

SPEAKER_06:

That's fine. All right, I'll toss it and wait, see if it has any effect.

SPEAKER_01:

Um yeah, what what where are you throwing it?

SPEAKER_03:

I'm trying to throw it like to the left or the right of the clearest path to the next area, to like the to the door, way out of out of this room.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay. You see, well, yeah, actually, do make a check.

SPEAKER_04:

All right. That's a 12. I can throw a fish.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, there's a big uh group of them that swarm to it. It looks like you could make a quick move to to jump into that clear landing area and then jump across.

SPEAKER_03:

Okay. You um you want to go for it, George? You want to go first? Yeah, I'll do a jump through. Um, can I just fly? Yeah. Yeah, totally.

SPEAKER_01:

I'll I keep forgetting you have wings. Yeah. Um you will the athletic. The problem is the kaleidoscorpion kaleidoscopes are still disorienting.

SPEAKER_03:

Just like fly directly in the middle. What shall I roll? Yeah, like a moth in a flame.

SPEAKER_06:

Oh let me see.

SPEAKER_04:

If only we had a flamethrower. All right.

SPEAKER_01:

Like a metal check.

SPEAKER_06:

Okay.

SPEAKER_02:

What if I failed that?

SPEAKER_03:

I have good metal too. It's like I it's a three. It's just you have plus three metal? No, I have plus plus two, so I'm saying a total of three, but it's bad rolls. Alright, so you go flying and you kind of like lose your way. Uh, you get stung, is what happens.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh no. My toe, my toe.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Tippy toe.

SPEAKER_03:

You take two dread.

SPEAKER_04:

Whoa, it's a D12 dread.

SPEAKER_01:

You bounce off the wall.

SPEAKER_03:

Hooch gets stabbed through the heart. I yell at him not to take out the barb, but he does and he dies immediately. Yeah, but you you stumble over to the other side. Um, let me see. I give Hooch a thumbs up and pass out. Trying to find James. What are you doing? Uh I was gonna hop across, but if he's in trouble, I do have another fish that I could throw. I've got a quag dad that I could throw. I'm good, dude.

SPEAKER_04:

I just might be. You gotta handle yourself. Okay, then I'll hop through.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay, make a nimbleness check.

SPEAKER_03:

12. You so nimbo make a uh metal check. 14. Dang, dude, nice. Alright, so you easily get through without getting disoriented.

SPEAKER_04:

That wasn't so bad.

SPEAKER_03:

Hey Brendo, Brendo, do you see all the colors of the rainbow?

SPEAKER_00:

I see colors everywhere.

SPEAKER_03:

It's wild down here. Hooch, you're radiating some kind of dark energy. Languidly flapping your wings in the air, both you're not even in sequence, just like oh, this is wild.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

So uh Brendo, your feathers are like shifting colors. This is exciting. Wildly. You say that like it's a bad thing.

SPEAKER_01:

It makes you stand out. It's fine. It's actually making you glow little, which is uh might help in a dark environment.

SPEAKER_03:

Interesting. And un unforeseen benefit. It's not great for sneaking. That's fine. Ben, is this forever? Like, can that's can this be part of my bard act? It's not forever. It's like uh nothing good ever happens to me.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay, all right. We can get a show out of it. Um I say, uh why am I glowing?

SPEAKER_03:

Uh I don't know, but you look great. And uh I don't mind having the extra light. I concentrate really hard on glowing and it does nothing. Just uh we go to the next room.

SPEAKER_01:

Yes, you still have zero keys, you're like lost in this dungeon.

SPEAKER_02:

I mean, we're we're doing pretty good. Uh we got a light source now, you know.

SPEAKER_05:

Yeah, we do we did improve. We have a light source for for two days or whatever it is.

SPEAKER_03:

It's an M light source, but it's you know something. It's something. All right, James or uh George. Oh yeah, it's me turn me turn. It's me turn. 11. Uh wow, there we go, 10. We have one bonus. We gained a key. Yes.

SPEAKER_02:

Hey, who twist this for?

SPEAKER_01:

It's a key, buddy boy. Brando, describe how that happened.

SPEAKER_03:

Yes. So uh we're stumbling forward out of this room full of kaleidoscorpions, and uh we enter kind of a large circular room with uh a thin shaft of light just streaming down from the uh from the ceiling, like a pinhole point of light, and I've just go stand in it and I spread my wings and it refracts off of me and casts a uh a shape into the wall or a light into the wall, illuminating where we should go.

SPEAKER_01:

So it only could have happened because you were stung by this thing.

SPEAKER_03:

And uh nobody knows. Nobody knows. You could have just anyone could have just stood there, you know, could have been the right time of day. It happened to work out that way. I was uh resonating the right frequency of light.

SPEAKER_06:

Alright. Uh like it. Hooch, you're up. I am the light, hooch. I am the light. It's a four, he says.

SPEAKER_03:

It's a four. Sorry. Okay.

SPEAKER_01:

Uh that's another hazard.

SPEAKER_03:

He says, I hope we get a roll. I hope you roll a five or six.

SPEAKER_06:

Yes. Almost forty.

SPEAKER_01:

Um there is you walk into it looks like a library or something.

SPEAKER_03:

Maybe it's like I love that there's a library down here. It's like the foreman's book office.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, it looks like some sort of office. Yeah. With dusty, dusty books. Yeah. Um like like textbooks and uninteresting histories on banking.

SPEAKER_03:

High school algebra and it's like a lot of stuff on psychological excavating tunnels and whatnot. Is a book with the words written in it, tell me everything.

SPEAKER_05:

I I whispered a hooch. I said, Well, go ahead. I say everything with a question mark.

SPEAKER_03:

Let's see if anything happens. That was my that was my guess too. Nothing happens.

SPEAKER_04:

Um tell tell me everything.

SPEAKER_06:

The me is the book, you think, George? I assume so. It's a pedestal.

SPEAKER_04:

It's on a pedestal.

SPEAKER_01:

There's no pedestal.

SPEAKER_03:

It's um it's on a table. Um tell me everything. Uh it's the only book that's like open in this room. And and and just on the page it says tell me everything?

SPEAKER_04:

Um how many other books are in the room? A bunch.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, they're all on shelves.

SPEAKER_04:

What if we m what if we moved all the books to the table?

SPEAKER_06:

Like it's like stack them up on the table or something.

SPEAKER_04:

Uh well, there's a book on everything. You know, maybe it's something, but I don't know.

SPEAKER_03:

What does the cover of the book say?

SPEAKER_01:

Uh it says nothing. It's a blank. Cover. It's a blank book.

SPEAKER_03:

It says tell me everything. On every page it says tell me everything. I started journaling. Two days pass. His life story is written into the book. It's everything. That's it. Do you have a pen? Yeah, could we search? Could we search for like a oh my gosh, I have a pen and paper. I do. That's amazing. Yes. I start journaling. Yeah. Alright, George. Make a might check.

SPEAKER_06:

Slam shut on my hand. Oh, that's not that's not gonna be a success.

SPEAKER_03:

Uh plus zero might, so that's a three. You get sucked onto the pages. Yes, you start getting sucked inside of this book. Can I uh can I grab him? Yeah. Um gets sucked in. I'm gonna grab him and like try to pull him free of it. Right, make a might check.

SPEAKER_06:

14.

SPEAKER_03:

Alright, you go both go tumbling backwards, and the the book just goes like falls inert. Okay, all right. Um, I'm gonna go grab like one of the algebra books and try to put it on the book, like try to feed it. Like it. The algebra book. Uh nothing, absolutely nothing happens.

SPEAKER_04:

Nothing happens, it doesn't suck it in.

SPEAKER_06:

Is there any other exit in this room? No. This is a tricky one.

SPEAKER_03:

Um can we write I was writing in the book, and that was when it started again. Journaling.

SPEAKER_06:

Yeah. What if the book is the exit? Let's burn it.

SPEAKER_03:

Oh, yeah. No, I mean I mean, it's that's a mighty risk.

SPEAKER_07:

Tremendous.

SPEAKER_03:

I uh turn to Hootness. I've always wanted to be immortalized, and I start doing that again. Um I don't know. This is um tell me everything. Tell me everything. Did it write everything on the page? Start getting sucked in again. No, that that works. That was my next everything. Yeah, that was my next one. All I had to do was not journal, and it's not all about me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was born as a young little egg. One of the shelves flips opening a secret chamber.

SPEAKER_05:

Ah, beautiful, beautiful. Chamber secrets by Noodles now attacking my character sheet. Um let's go. Let's go through the chamber of secrets. Secrets of the soulless are reporter.

SPEAKER_02:

Alright.

SPEAKER_03:

James. Alright, search. Or no, is it maybe it's Brendo? Dang. Yeah, I don't remember. Uh big boy rules, James just rolls. I think it's Brando, actually. Alright. All right, Brendo. Let's get that one, baby. Nine. Nice, nice. You get a key. All right, two keys. Stanley Toolkey.

SPEAKER_01:

How'd that happen, Brendo?

SPEAKER_03:

Um, as we're transitioning through the bookshelf, we actually walk into the pages of a book, and it looks like the Take On Me music video. And uh, as we dance through the uh line drawings, uh we we feel uplifted by some really good music, and uh we just pop out the other side. The entire next room was just the take on me dance sequence from that video inside the page of the book.

SPEAKER_06:

I like it a lot.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, thank you. Thank you.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay, now Jimmy's turn.

SPEAKER_03:

All right, Jimmy to go Dwayne, you know. Let's roll another 12. It's an eight. It's pretty close. An eight.

SPEAKER_01:

Got any quest points?

SPEAKER_03:

Nope.

SPEAKER_01:

No, I don't. Gain a key, but you encounter hazard. So uh roll that up.

SPEAKER_04:

All right, uh d6 over here, plus uh, you know what I mean. Three and a d Hundo 51.

SPEAKER_03:

A 51. And uh just like shuffling it across the floor.

SPEAKER_04:

I kick the key and it like jangles across the room and directly into the hazard.

SPEAKER_03:

You stumble into a room, uh cold room, where there's like this solid frozen mass of ice that blocks the way. It's a wall of ice.

SPEAKER_04:

Oh boy.

SPEAKER_03:

Um enchantment!

SPEAKER_05:

Sorcery.

SPEAKER_03:

It's it's getting pretty cold in here, and uh it looks like this wall of ice is like five feet thick.

SPEAKER_06:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

You know the five feet thick? No, I don't know. Your skull? No, that was uh direction. I just bang my head against the sorry, so we have a room that is just uh there's an ice wall five feet thick.

SPEAKER_04:

Okay, it's cold in here, an ice wall, and it's five feet thick. That's really thick.

SPEAKER_03:

It's thick with like five C's. Yeah. It's dummy thick wall. What can I what can it's a dummy thick wall. It's a dummy thick wall.

SPEAKER_05:

What can I do?

SPEAKER_03:

I uh oh, um I think you gave away your uh pick. I did.

SPEAKER_04:

I did. I was looking for my pickaxe actually just now.

SPEAKER_03:

Um I have an axe, we can hatch it through it. Just take turns hacking through the door. Yeah, five eternities later.

SPEAKER_04:

Um we can start with that and then I could Can I search the room and see if there's any uh clue as to this uh enchanted uh frozen block?

SPEAKER_06:

Oh, I'm gonna swash buckle or something. I'll use my last quest point to do it. Cool.

SPEAKER_01:

Boy, what are you gonna say?

SPEAKER_05:

Jamie. No, go for it, George.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh I think your plan makes more sense. It's uh it's got it's got better legs, George.

SPEAKER_03:

Uh you haven't even heard what I was gonna say. Well, you're using an active ability, using an ability which makes which like takes precedence over me just switching a room and then axing the door down while you come. Uh in this old mine was not without its uh amenities, and I realize that the reason there's so much ice here is an overactive AC unit. So I just find a thermostat and I turn it the other way, warm it up. A shrim thermostat. It's a shrimp thermostat. Um 11.

SPEAKER_02:

That's with the penalty.

SPEAKER_03:

Wow. Hey hooch, check this out. It's like the knob on my keytar. I'm already sweaty, like I've gotten six inches in with the axe. Oh wow, what's that? To thermostat. Okay.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay. All right.

SPEAKER_03:

This is uh it's gonna take a while, but um what it feels nice to we uh we gather water. Uh we have three keys, yeah. We gotta we gather water. You could probably rest here at this point. This might be a good place to stop. We've got three keys. Amazing.

SPEAKER_04:

We set up camp, and uh, we have hope again after many near deaths today.

SPEAKER_03:

Oh, jeez. And you encounter a wandering intruder next time. Oh boy.

SPEAKER_01:

All right, guys.

SPEAKER_03:

Uh well, that was wild. That was like the worst roles in the history of the Land of Eam. Like that was pretty rough. That was rough.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah, but super eventful. I mean, so many things happened in this quest. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

It's wild wild, wild stuff.

SPEAKER_03:

Wild, wild stuff. Um that's the land of eam, baby. That's the land of eam. Thanks everybody for joining us. If you want to check out Land Veeam and use some of these resources, go to landaveam.com and download the beta rule set while you can. Um, it's only going to be available for probably just a few more weeks. So grab it and uh play it. And if you're looking for a group you already play and you're looking for a group or you want to GM a game, uh check out our Discord. All the links are at the bottom of this video. And uh we'll we'll see you next week. GM is short for Gungan Master, right? Yes.

SPEAKER_01:

Yes. Uh you become master of the Gungas.

SPEAKER_03:

And um, which is an offshoot of the uh of like a Sith cult, uh, because I I adhere to the to the popular belief that Jarjar became a Sith Lord after the events of the prequel trilogy. Yeah, that is indeed. I adhere to the theory that he was always a Sith Lord. Yeah. The guys. He is Plagueis, is what you're saying. Yeah, yeah. He is Darth Plagueis.

SPEAKER_04:

Got it.

SPEAKER_03:

Also known as Darth Gungas.

SPEAKER_02:

It's all my fault. It's all my fault in bringing this up.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. All right, everybody. Thanks for joining us, and we will catch you next week for reels. All right, bye-bye now. Yeah, bye-bye.

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Ben Costa

Co-host
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George Higgins

Co-host
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James Parks

Co-host

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