Burgers and Boggles | Land of Eem Fantasy Actual Play S05EP15

The Lost Willows are the kind of swamp where direction stops meaning anything, the air itself carries dread, and you can wander in circles like the land is laughing at you. In this episode of our Land of Eem Actual Play, the party continues the search for Harn Twinbeard while trying to survive poison, stink, and a black drake that keeps swooping in like a flying fire marshal with teeth.

Along the way, the adventure highlights what makes the Land of Eem tabletop RPG such a fun indie TTRPG experience: creative problem-solving over brute force, a living hex crawl filled with strange discoveries, and consequences that feel fair because the party earns them. A tiny boggle bar with a drive-thru window turns rumor hunting into a food run, and suddenly a foil tray of cheeseburgers becomes the party’s most valuable resource—for distraction, negotiation, and morale.

The group also picks up a couple of unusual companions. Misky, a kobold who claims she’s lost, and Fetch, a doomsday-prepper boggle building a wooden fortress for the “end times.” Between eerie locations like the Whispering Gallows, a nasty quag bleaker ambush, and a confession that changes how we see our new “friend,” the party stumbles onto a hidden hatch that might finally lead them closer to Twinbeard.

If you enjoy tabletop RPG actual plays, swamp fantasy adventures, and GM-friendly ideas you can steal for your own game, subscribe, share the episode with your party, and leave a review to help more adventurers discover Land of Eem.

The Land of Eem tabletop RPG, created by Ben Costa and James Parks, is available now from Exalted Funeral, and carried by a wide variety of Friendly Local Game Stores (FLGS) and online retailers. You can also download the FREE Quickstart Guide and learn more at:

🌐 www.landofeem.com

Transcript

SPEAKER_07 2:49

Hi. Hello. Happy Saturday.

SPEAKER_12 2:52

Welcome to the EM stream where we play Land of Eam RPG created by us for us.

SPEAKER_02 3:00

Truer words have never been spoken. We had nothing to do with it. It's our kind of RPG packed with creative solutions as opposed to combat, even though we've gotten into a few scuffles, including last session. That's right. That Drake Ramore is a pre-tough customer. Wow. That that'll do it.

SPEAKER_12 3:23

The uh the Drake putrefex of the Lost Willows uh gave you a what for poisoned the Hinterlander, your NPC pal. And uh you guys are on the run, I guess, hiding. It's the dead of night. Guys are tired. Uh what do you what do you do? Let's just jump right into it. I mean, what else are we gonna do? I'm not used to this.

SPEAKER_02 3:47

It's highly regular, but I'm I'm down for it. Um, I say we I mean we gotta get a cure for this guy, right? Oh, so you're gonna say you're gonna say I say we eat him.

SPEAKER_09 4:00

We'll play that campaign next.

SPEAKER_02 4:02

Oh, okay, okay. It's the Donner Party of three. The Donner Party of three. Um, yeah.

SPEAKER_12 4:07

I mean, you don't necessarily have to get a cure for him. He's not uh he's not on death's door, he's just he's he's weakened.

SPEAKER_09 4:17

Maybe we can like make him did we find like a cave or something? I can't remember. Are we like hiding in a cave?

SPEAKER_12 4:26

Well, there was a log initially, or was that I don't it was just a spot where you know you couldn't be spotted from above.

SPEAKER_02 4:35

Yeah. All I had was fight the Drake, drop a tree, the Drake eats the pencil. We escape. Um well maybe we can uh so I think we should start searching for Arn Twinbeard. Yeah, with this poison guy in tow. Just we can we can tuck him in somewhere and say, hey dude, that's good. Figure it out because you're the hinderland.

SPEAKER_07 4:58

Hey, dude, figure it out. We got we got business to attend to and uh possible to go, things to do.

SPEAKER_12 5:06

He's tiny the mushroom.

SPEAKER_02 5:08

Oh yeah, tiny didn't make it. He really didn't. He's just mush, he's a mushroom now. He's a mushroom. That's a shame. He got melted by acid breath.

SPEAKER_11 5:18

He's mush around, you know what I mean. Wow, yes, mush a row.

SPEAKER_02 5:25

Um, so yeah, I suggest we like hey, hinterlander. Um, wait a minute. I'm gonna play his part. Hey boys. What's going on?

SPEAKER_09 5:40

I can't remember. I can't remember. I can't I can't remember why he was called a Hinterlander.

SPEAKER_02 5:45

Oh, uh he told us a story. Um, he earned his name, he's a hangman tabber of the Gelmog unofficial order. He's been disgraced. He was hunting on the wrong man's land. I really wanted to snitch on him by telling someone else exactly what happened.

SPEAKER_12 6:01

Um but trouble is there's no one else around.

SPEAKER_09 6:04

Yes. Um sorry, all that played out loud in my brain and came out of my mouth.

SPEAKER_01 6:11

Um like, are you good to travel, Hinterlander? Like, how's your how's your bod?

SPEAKER_02 6:19

How's your bod? My bod is wrecked with poison. He doesn't say that, he's unaware of his poison status yet.

SPEAKER_12 6:26

Yeah, he gets up to his uh feet and he's like wobbly. But make a vitality check, Ben.

SPEAKER_03 6:32

Wow.

SPEAKER_12 6:33

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 6:35

In Landevine, where anybody can be a GM at any time. Oh, look at that guy. Yeah, this is my secret plan to make Ben use up all his good roles early. He just drops to the ground.

SPEAKER_12 6:47

Sorry, actually, he has a disadvantage, he's weakened.

SPEAKER_00 6:51

Doesn't matter, doesn't matter.

SPEAKER_02 6:54

Uh he pushes us both. Yeah. Whether he's coming or not. All right. Well, I can totally see him just like marching back towards Drake.

SPEAKER_07 7:07

Hey the Drake! Hey, the Drake.

SPEAKER_02 7:10

Um, he he like shakily reloads his crossbow and and points it at either of us, saying, You guys aren't cowards, are you? I use no.

SPEAKER_12 7:22

How do you respond to yourself, George?

SPEAKER_02 7:26

I start flying. If she really wants to do 30 minutes of just George Jimmy.

SPEAKER_09 7:33

It'll be like it'll be a special stream.

SPEAKER_02 7:36

If you make me do it, then I won't be able to. It has to be like inconvenient. It's only funny when it's inconvenient. Well, Ben and I will be on the stream, but we'll be expecting the two guys in the balcony and the Muppets.

SPEAKER_09 7:48

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 7:49

It'll be just like that.

SPEAKER_12 7:52

Uh so he's going after the Drake, he's going after the Drake. He hates the Drake. Are you guys? I mean, it is in the middle of the night. Like, I guess we could have fast forwarded.

SPEAKER_02 8:04

Um uh yeah, your call ben, like, did he need time to like sleep off his poison or like you know, rally?

SPEAKER_12 8:13

Yeah, yeah, you should probably use some rations.

SPEAKER_02 8:16

Okay, that's rational. Do you have the rations, George? Because I I thought you brought them. Um wait, we no, no, I'm I'm looking for them in my list of food. We have uh food, craken jerky. Kraken jerky ration feeds four, neck donkey tube steaks ration feeds two. Um I break out the uh crack and jerky. I forget. Do I roll once to see if or do we roll four times? Like or three times with each person who eats it.

SPEAKER_12 8:52

You roll once.

SPEAKER_02 8:54

And it's a D12?

SPEAKER_08 8:58

Yeah. Okay. Well, still got it.

SPEAKER_10 9:02

Beautiful. Still got it, baby. Still got it.

SPEAKER_02 9:09

Awesome. Awesome indeed.

SPEAKER_05 9:12

Um I believe it's it reduces a step.

SPEAKER_02 9:20

What like a D10, like a coin. Okay, so it's now a D10. Okay, I like that. I mean, like that's a consistency across systems that I like to see.

SPEAKER_12 9:33

All right, you guys are fed uh the Drake. No, not the Drake. Interesting.

SPEAKER_02 9:39

We turn around, the Drake is there eating some jerky. He's the fourth person.

SPEAKER_07 9:43

Oh, hey, Jerry.

SPEAKER_12 9:46

Uh, he goes off into the woods. Tim Tam Tom, welcome.

SPEAKER_02 9:53

Hey, Tim Tam.

SPEAKER_08 9:54

Hey, welcome, welcome. Triple T.

unknown 9:58

Um.

SPEAKER_12 10:01

Now, what do you do? It's a new day.

SPEAKER_02 10:05

I would like to take advantage of the situation and go hunt down Harn Twinbeard or search for him throughout the lost willows because the Hinterlander out after the Drake is gonna create a distraction that I think we can't pass up. So the Drake doesn't need us. I think that the difficulty is gonna be like like I'm I'm game for that, is gonna be letting the Hinterlander let us go because like he's gonna see think we're a bunch of cowards, and like well, didn't he leave? I I meant I thought he just left. Oh, did did did he just leave, Ben? Oh we were having this discussion, we turn around, he's gone. Yeah, we're strategizing just in front of him. Yeah, yeah. He's already gone. He's he stumbles off seemingly drunk, but he's intoxicated with poison. Um yeah, I guess at this point, you know, we should go search for Harn Twinbeard.

SPEAKER_12 11:04

All right, which which way are you going in the Lost Willows?

SPEAKER_02 11:07

We go wanna go. I don't know. You pick. I don't know, maybe like uh because we we came from here, right? Maybe like north. Yeah, I want to go up north along the like the coasty, and then we can circle the whole place if we have to, but yeah. Well, we're just gonna keep going around the actual hexes in. Yeah, let's let's do it. Let's roll it. I I'm I'm up. You want me to go first? Go for it. Okay, okay. That's a six.

SPEAKER_12 11:38

Go in here, yeah. Yeah. Okay, uh six. Okay. Uh bump in the road.

SPEAKER_02 11:46

Bump in the road. Uh roll d6. Indeed. Don't be supplies, don't be supplies, it's supplies.

SPEAKER_12 11:55

Unwanted attention.

SPEAKER_02 11:57

It's the Hinterlander.

SPEAKER_12 12:01

No, no, it's not. You wish. I wish it was you wish. Um, all right, you go through, you kind of feel like the the woods are watching you. Actually, sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry, let me look at something.

SPEAKER_02 12:20

The lost willows. Describe what you see as you're looking for this thing. The lost willows. The lost willow off goods.

SPEAKER_12 12:32

So here's what makes the lost willows difficult. Every bump in the road means you're lost. Willows.

SPEAKER_09 12:44

Every bump in the road is lost. Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_02 13:10

That's that's fine.

SPEAKER_12 13:12

So you guys just go in circles in the same hex where that's not fine, yeah. You encountered the Drake.

SPEAKER_02 13:20

Okay. Is there like a percentage chance we re-encounter the Drake and the other guy? We'll see. TBD. TBD. James like stop giving Ben ideas, Jordan.

SPEAKER_12 13:34

Uh, you can try to uh make another check for the rest of the day.

SPEAKER_11 13:40

I will do it. Go for it. Um okay. That's a that's a five.

SPEAKER_12 13:52

A five, you say, I do. Okay, that is an encounter.

SPEAKER_02 14:01

What? Oh boy. 40 mushroom men, reinforcements from mushmash tromping through the wood looking for us. They all have ballistas, yeah.

SPEAKER_12 14:13

So roll the d100.

The Bog Of Eternal Stench

SPEAKER_02 14:15

D100 34. Ooh. Ben, some days I I wish that there was a numerical modifier. Like roll a d10 to see how many of the d100 show up. How many of 10 of this person shows up? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm gonna do it just for like uh playtesting purposes. I rolled a d10, so we're gonna get nine of whatever you just rolled.

SPEAKER_12 14:50

Okay, you um you stumble through the bog, and it just smells so awful. It's starting to like be this horrible stench as you guys trudge through it. I mean, it's worse. Oh everyone make a vitality check.

SPEAKER_02 15:07

Can I put on the hazmat suit? Oh, it's smart.

SPEAKER_12 15:13

Is it functional?

SPEAKER_09 15:15

I thought it was like a wait, you're right. It says broken, it says broken on my character sheet right next to it.

SPEAKER_02 15:21

Uh do you have do you have good vitality, James? I throw it away then. I throw away the broken hazmat suit. You gain an inventory slapback. I put on the plate doctor mask.

SPEAKER_12 15:31

I mean it's a broken thing that could be repaired, which is probably why you were keeping it.

SPEAKER_02 15:36

I know, but my my character is angry and throws it in the useless.

SPEAKER_09 15:44

Plus, I already have the best costume in the world. Yes, you do. I have a I will never drop it. It's the the Krog, the Krog costume from Krogland. It's my favorite item.

SPEAKER_02 16:02

I have things like rations and yeah, I'm rolling it.

SPEAKER_11 16:05

Oh man. Oh no. That's a critical miss. It's good stuff. Oh no, I'm not, it's like the bog of eternal stench.

SPEAKER_12 16:13

I'm I'm gonna be smelly forever. Uh you take one dread, but you're weakened.

unknown 16:18

Oh no.

SPEAKER_02 16:19

Oh, the weakened. Um, Ben, is it possible for me to wear the Plague Doctor mask? And um I guess the question is, do I have herbs to stuff in the end of it that smell good?

SPEAKER_12 16:35

I mean, I'll give you a plus one bonus.

SPEAKER_02 16:37

Cool. I appreciate that. I'll take anything I get because I have a minus one.

SPEAKER_12 16:43

Oh, good. I too am weakened. No. You just take dread.

SPEAKER_02 16:50

Oh, that's dreadful. Only one. Oh, I don't know how much well you see. Yeah, go for it. I'm gonna just look at my dread total from last quest if it's here somewhere. My cordage. Oh, I didn't do that. My psilium. My celium. Um I don't think we took a lot of damage actually last.

SPEAKER_12 17:15

Yeah. The other problem with this place is that it's uh smells like farts, it smells like farts, and it's just uh you're not sure how to get through it without yeah smelling too many farts again.

Drive-Thru Rumors And Burger Bait

SPEAKER_02 17:32

It's a good thing there's this bar right here. Fart bar? Yeah, yeah. Took the words right out of my mouth, George.

SPEAKER_06 17:43

I think I have actually I had full HP then. Or a CP.

SPEAKER_02 17:51

You didn't take any dread from the I I couldn't find a record of it. I saw a couple of times where James.

SPEAKER_12 17:56

Oh, yeah, because you were a vapor.

SPEAKER_02 17:57

Yeah, that that makes the most sense. Yeah, I was a whoppor.

SPEAKER_09 18:03

Um, so I actually do want to use Barfly to discover um uh the clogged schnazz, which is a boggle, but it's it's specifically it's like a boggle bar that I heard about out here.

SPEAKER_07 18:20

And uh it might be too small for us to get inside, but we could at least hey the takeout window, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 18:29

Give me 40 road apple pies, yeah.

SPEAKER_10 18:32

All right, that's a crit.

SPEAKER_08 18:34

Nice.

SPEAKER_12 18:39

All right, it's uh looks like a tiny hut. But there is a drive-thru window.

SPEAKER_02 18:46

All right, I'm gonna look for an MPC named Betty Honker. Who uh who and I wanna I want to ask her if she like knows any knows of like any specific rumors about uh about a guy named Harnbeard hiding out around these parts.

SPEAKER_09 19:06

Twinbeard. No, Harnbeard. Sorry, that that it's already happened like 60 times in the stream. Twinbeard, Harn Twinbeard.

SPEAKER_12 19:17

Uh yeah, he he's come here once before.

SPEAKER_07 19:21

Really, once before. Uh you know what direction he came from? Uh out east. East, of course. All right. East. What did he what did he buy? Uh double cheeseburger and uh a quarter pounder uh a royal cheese is what he bought.

SPEAKER_02 19:42

Royale, it was yep, beat me to it. Roy Awa cheese.

SPEAKER_12 19:48

Yeah, I mean uh well what what do you got? You got beef with him?

SPEAKER_07 19:56

No, no. I've been an old buddy. I figured I'd bring him a double cheeseburger. Actually, we'll we'll order three. Pay or George or Brendo.

SPEAKER_02 20:06

I respond to both. Um uh we got is a gold pouch. All right, uh, how much for a bunch of cheeseburgers?

SPEAKER_00 20:20

I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_02 20:21

No, it's fine, it's perfect.

SPEAKER_12 20:22

I'd say a gold pouch pay or get you.

SPEAKER_02 20:27

Yeah, yeah. So maybe we can get some cheeseburgers for the road to supplement our rations. I make a wilderness check. I treat this like honey. I want to try to use the cheeseburgers to see if we can't like lure them out the smell of cheeseburgers. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_10 20:40

Here boy, here boy.

SPEAKER_02 20:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_12 20:44

I mean, that's gonna get you quite a bit of cheeseburgers.

SPEAKER_02 20:46

It's like uh like a bucket of cheeseburgers, like they have to be like uh yeah, it's like a catering cheeseburgers.

SPEAKER_09 20:55

Maybe they're really like sliders, it's like a white castle, it's like you order six or eight.

SPEAKER_12 20:59

Well, you got this like big foiled tray of like cheeseburgers.

SPEAKER_09 21:03

That's that's perfect. That's perfect.

SPEAKER_02 21:05

Yeah, I love it. I'm gonna see if I spend it entirely. Is it D uh 10 for gold? Uh no, uh D12, sorry. Okay, I feel like yeah, it's never a 10, it's always eight or twelve or six. It says it conveniently right on this sheet. Oh man, if I only had those sheets and not my own Google Doc. I do have the sheets, I just haven't used them. Uh it's a six, it gets downgraded to a servial. Nice. Okay. There's a change, sir. She keeps eyeing the tip jar.

SPEAKER_09 21:46

We walk away. I put a cheeseburger in the tip jar.

SPEAKER_02 21:50

Yeah, I mash it in.

SPEAKER_09 21:52

Yeah, like it's just like yeah.

SPEAKER_11 22:00

Yeah, she's it doesn't bother you at all.

SPEAKER_12 22:05

Um yeah, you still you still have the problem of the stanky bog that you're in.

SPEAKER_02 22:13

Um I'm trying to think of like if we can like get like a clothespin and put it on our nose or something. I mean, we we could just try to leave the area, or do we is it that we need to search this area still? Well, she said east, so I say we search the hex to the east.

SPEAKER_12 22:40

I'm just saying like you can leave the area, but if you don't solve this problem, you're gonna have to roll vitality again.

SPEAKER_02 22:49

I understand. And uh I mean uh all I have is played after mask, yeah. Can I use um can I attempt to use the chemistry set that I have in my inventory? Neutralize, yeah, to Create an odor that will be pleasant but overpower the other stench, like mint or something.

SPEAKER_12 23:13

Like put it under your nose and whatnot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 23:17

Alright. Um, like a tinker check. Yeah. Sorry, George. No, it's perfect. Wait, why are you apologizing? That's a six. It's a six. Because I'm minus two tinker.

SPEAKER_11 23:30

It's fine. But I got this county set, so I figured I'd give it a shot.

SPEAKER_12 23:35

All right. Success with a twist. It's it's only gonna work for one of you.

SPEAKER_02 23:38

It's fine. Do it. Are you sure? Um, I'm gonna take some of the witchweed uh we have and kind of uh or bog fla. Yeah, which weed? Which which? Which which weed are you talking about? Uh I have witchweed. Uh and I put it in the end of my play doctor mask to mask the smell. Oh, so I mean, you know, it's it's gotta help a little bit. Does it?

SPEAKER_12 24:08

Are you jamming yourself again?

SPEAKER_02 24:10

Uh-huh. No, I'm I'm I'm just uh imploring the uh magnanimous jam. I hand him one of my socks to use to I throw up more.

SPEAKER_12 24:20

Let me uh let me just look at which weed what it does.

SPEAKER_02 24:24

Uh hex powder versus curse breaker potion, that kind of thing. Which weed. I could also put bogflowers in there. You know what? The bogflowers maybe will smell better.

SPEAKER_12 24:40

Probably.

SPEAKER_02 24:42

Let's do bog, we'll put bogflowers in there. You say durian.

unknown 24:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 24:47

I either heard durian or duoritos, and either way, I'm happy. Durian flavor. Oh my gosh. No, I was fine with that. I got on board with that. That's true, George. The equivalent of wild surges, it's fine. Except that they're all bad. They're all guaranteed to be bad. Caster's teeth move three feet to the right.

SPEAKER_12 25:08

Alright, George, you will have a uh plus two.

SPEAKER_02 25:12

Plus two to my vitality check.

SPEAKER_08 25:18

It's an 11. I love it. Nice. That's awesome.

SPEAKER_12 25:24

Alright, you guys uh trudge through a stinky bog.

SPEAKER_06 25:30

Stinky bog, stinky, stinky bog.

SPEAKER_12 25:34

Night begins to fall. How do you want to spend the uh the rest of the day?

SPEAKER_02 25:42

You could uh oh, can we scavenge?

SPEAKER_12 25:45

You could scavenge, you could talk, you could um take a long rest.

SPEAKER_02 25:54

I'm gonna take a long rest because I'm weakened, actually. Yeah, I'll scavenge.

SPEAKER_07 26:01

All the while fanning the cheeseburgers with a leaf into the woods.

SPEAKER_02 26:07

Um where's my wilderness? Where's my wilderness? Drawing the attention of some sort of gigantic predator. Speaking of drawing attention, that's a seven.

SPEAKER_11 26:21

Totally worth it. Oh, it always is.

SPEAKER_12 26:25

So what do you uh find though?

SPEAKER_02 26:28

I don't have that chart in front of me. 40 bog snap tortoises.

SPEAKER_12 26:33

Sorry, what are you looking for?

SPEAKER_02 26:34

Oh, uh I was fishing.

SPEAKER_12 26:40

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 26:40

Um on the coast, I figure, you know.

The Drake Returns To Camp

SPEAKER_08 26:44

Roller D12. Uh roller d12. That would be a scum eater. Scum eater. Yeah, that's that tracks. Sounds delicious. Smells like the bog from whence it came.

SPEAKER_12 27:09

Alright, um you bring back your scum eater, you guys are at camp, and you hear the screech of the Drake off in the distance.

SPEAKER_02 27:22

Oh no, oh no. Oh no. Uh uh, I say uh hooch, get down. I'm gonna dive into I'm gonna dive into some mud and like cover myself like Arnold Schwarzenegger. Oh, I love it. I thought you were gonna say you're gonna dive into the pile of cheeseburgers. That's a good idea too. I take I take the cheeseburgers with me. I just assume they're wrapped in foil. Yeah, they they kind of are.

SPEAKER_12 27:56

What are you gonna do, Brendo?

SPEAKER_02 27:58

Um are there trees in such a round, Ben? Yeah, there are a lot of trees. Can I are they densely like densely leaved trees?

SPEAKER_12 28:09

Um, they're like willow trees.

SPEAKER_02 28:12

I'd like to fly up into the tree and like hide amongst the in the branches, like the dense growth of it.

SPEAKER_07 28:18

Is there a greenish hue?

SPEAKER_12 28:22

Yeah, you know, there's a greenish blue there there's a hue. There's a hue. It's definitely a hue. Uh yeah, it's flowing. Do you want your hand to get lost? Um wow. It's just a bunch of Seinfeld references over and over today. It's the Drake, it just keeps getting over and over again. You gotta hate it. I love it. Okay, so both of you make sneak checks. All right.

SPEAKER_02 28:57

Well, that's something I'm very good at. I don't think you succeed. It's a nine. I I too succeed. It's nine. Nice. Nine nine. Nine nine.

SPEAKER_12 29:10

All right. You you witness the Drake swoop over the campsite and stamp out the fire.

SPEAKER_02 29:19

It's like uh as a very conscientious Smokey the Bear type Drake who doesn't like forced fires. It screams into the night, only you can prevent these.

SPEAKER_12 29:30

You see it kind of hunch and peer around.

SPEAKER_02 29:35

Starts huffing at the ground to pick up our scent. It's sniffing, yeah. It's definitely sniffing something. Okay, can I use um slingshot to slingshot a hamburger out of our vicinity? So be like, oh, and like we want to hit some leaves too, so we so that Drake like hears it land. So I'm gonna say this. We've successfully snuck, right? So like we're safe, we don't have to come up with more solutions to the situation that could go out jammed up. I hid with the cheeseburger.

SPEAKER_09 30:10

Okay, okay, all right, all right, yeah. Otherwise, it would have at least I'm using one upset cheeseburger to get us out of this.

SPEAKER_12 30:16

Yeah. If he didn't hide with the cheeseburgers, the thing was just gonna come and eat the cheeseburgers.

SPEAKER_09 30:22

Yeah, I know, but I need these cheeseburgers. We need the cheeseburger.

SPEAKER_12 30:24

I know that, I know that, but comes at a price. So yeah, throw throw your cheeseburger.

SPEAKER_09 30:28

Okay, all right. Uh nimbleness for cheeseburger by the way.

SPEAKER_02 30:32

That's a four. Oh no. Um uh uh you you like you hear this like very faint eerie music as I uh play to re-roll your thing. I use ode. Uh James, you're also still technically weakened. Oh no, no. So that's just physical skills. That couldn't have been worse. I mean, it could be one. Uh I give you a re-roll, James. If it's like you try to fire it and it fumbles into your lap, and you're like, huh. But this is a disadvantage, no? Yeah. Wow.

SPEAKER_11 31:12

What are the chances? That's a crit.

SPEAKER_09 31:16

That's a crit. I but I the cheeseburger makes it into orbit.

SPEAKER_02 31:21

Yeah. Yeah. The Drake is like incinerated in the atmosphere as it tries to escape the runs out of oxygen and tumbles from the sky. Yeah, it's a very like Iron Man situation. It didn't de-ice.

SPEAKER_12 31:32

Uh you see the pute uh putrefix the Drake, just like its ears perk up, and then it doesn't have ears, but uh it Oh, it has ears been its long neck swivels and it darts off into the woods where it heard the sound.

SPEAKER_02 31:50

That was amazing. I get up with a lot of pride finishing yet another cheeseburger that I'm eating. And uh I ball up the foil and toss it into the fire nonchalantly. It um poisons the environment.

SPEAKER_07 32:07

It does, yeah.

SPEAKER_12 32:10

Cool. Uh yeah. So avoided that enough to uh get your long rest in. So by morning you will be normal. You'll field 1d6. Amazing courage.

SPEAKER_08 32:36

Courage courage! I am full.

SPEAKER_02 32:44

I'm at maximum courage, ready to find maximum courage. Twin beard. Maximum carnage. Yes, yes, it's good. Game was hard. Yes, yeah. A red cartridge on the Super Nintendo. I owned it. It's good times. It's a good game. It's a good game. It's wild weird stuff.

unknown 33:06

Wild.

SPEAKER_12 33:07

All right. Uh Georgie, I believe you're up for a travel check.

SPEAKER_02 33:10

Yes. I believer. I believe her in a six. Is that a bump on the roadband? Are we lost? You're lost. You're lost.

SPEAKER_12 33:24

You're never gonna leave this place.

SPEAKER_02 33:26

Yeah, it's just like the dirt neptoes. Uh Jimmy. Um, oh, I'm sorry, do I roll?

SPEAKER_12 33:38

Yeah, we guys just walking in circles, and you come back to your campsite and you see the foil, and just like a horrible sinking feeling.

SPEAKER_09 33:47

Yeah, gosh.

SPEAKER_12 33:48

Like, we're never gonna leave.

SPEAKER_09 33:51

This place is terrible. Um, I roll a 10. Nice. Noise.

SPEAKER_12 33:59

All right, which way are you going?

SPEAKER_02 34:02

Uh directly to the east, yeah. That's perfect. This one, or this one? Fiddy fitty.

SPEAKER_01 34:08

Um, I'm gonna say 3026.

SPEAKER_02 34:16

It's a good year, it's good vintage, 3026. 3026.

SPEAKER_12 34:23

Um, as you guys are traveling, uh, James, by the way, you can gather resources if you want some capacity of your choice.

SPEAKER_09 34:34

Yeah, I will actually look for um uh you know what?

Meeting Misky The Lost Kobold

SPEAKER_02 34:43

I think I'm well, I gave away all of our fish, so the boat is like uh never gonna happen now. I I hand you the uh the scumsucker. I say it's never too late to start again. All right, I I will fish in an attempt to catch every fish in Quagramas, fish it up.

SPEAKER_11 35:05

I do not succeed. Good two, good, actually. That's a one rescue.

SPEAKER_12 35:13

All right, not only do you not catch fish, but you attract unwanted attention. Yep, and you also um you run into a kobold.

SPEAKER_02 35:20

Oh no, is that on top of the unwanted attention? Yeah, that is the unwanted attention. Okay, it's all right. I caught something, but it was an angry gator.

SPEAKER_03 35:32

Hey, what's the big idea?

SPEAKER_09 35:33

Um the kobold is trouble, man.

SPEAKER_12 35:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 35:41

Um, she says, Oh, my thank thank the stars that I met someone else in here.

SPEAKER_11 35:50

Yeah, you've also been lost.

SPEAKER_04 35:53

Yes.

SPEAKER_12 35:55

Weeks, weeks. Wow. Well uh cheeseburger. She seems her eyes like brighten, and she just like grabs it and munches it down. Oh, it's good. Where are you headed?

SPEAKER_04 36:12

Uh I just want to get out of here.

SPEAKER_02 36:15

Us too. Any which way but goose, you know.

SPEAKER_12 36:20

Goose. I don't understand. They're poltergeist, you humongoose in here.

SPEAKER_02 36:27

Well, I mean, you certainly it's just a it's a saying where I come from, uh, me being a bird and all, you know. You any which way but into the poltergoose, yes, yeah. So any which way but goose for short. So yeah, let's get out of here. What he's awkwardly walk away. I follow him. Tobacco's play. I I just I follow him. It's like, yeah, come on. Any which way but goose. Solidarity, yeah. But which way were you headed?

SPEAKER_12 36:54

Goose east. That's into the gallows sprongs.

SPEAKER_07 37:02

The gallows. What are those? What's what's over there?

SPEAKER_12 37:07

Uh well, they call it the whispering gallows. You ever heard of gallows sprongs or a type of tree?

SPEAKER_02 37:17

No, when you say gallows, I just think of people being hanged. I'm turned hung.

SPEAKER_12 37:23

That's what it looks like. These these it looks like hanged men on the trees.

SPEAKER_07 37:28

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_09 37:29

Harn Twinbeard are uh the Hinterlander wouldn't like that.

SPEAKER_12 37:35

But it's mushrooms, you see. They just grow that way.

SPEAKER_02 37:39

Oh well, uh fascinating. What is I mean, maybe we should avoid that place.

SPEAKER_11 37:45

Like, why would unless Twinbeard's there to protect himself.

SPEAKER_12 37:48

I mean, if you're going east, that's where that's where it is.

SPEAKER_07 37:53

Okay. Um, any pointers for avoiding any danger there?

SPEAKER_12 38:00

Look, I uh I went east, I couldn't find a way out. You want to go south? I think I might uh have a promising path.

SPEAKER_03 38:12

Maybe let's let me ask you something. Have you seen any evidence of somebody maybe hiding out around here?

SPEAKER_12 38:20

Look, uh I wish I did, I'm lost. I was just picking mushrooms, and I couldn't find my way out. My name's Misky, by the way.

SPEAKER_07 38:31

Miski. I'm hooch. That's Brendo. Sort of a big deal.

SPEAKER_02 38:38

I play her a quick tune. I do actually, I do a real quick like performance on the guitar. Make a charm check. Nope. All right, is it one? Yeah, is she yeah. Uh sorry, I had it in laser mode. Um it's a three, it's a three. It's pretty bad, but it's not not a one.

SPEAKER_12 39:05

She uh pats you on the head and says, keep practicing.

SPEAKER_02 39:08

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I try to tune it.

SPEAKER_09 39:12

It's probably the humidity. It's probably the humidity. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_12 39:16

Humidity is mud in the sprockets. Look, you know, and don't quit your day job, is all I'm saying.

SPEAKER_01 39:22

That is my day job.

SPEAKER_02 39:26

She rolls her eyes. We abandon her. Look, um, Misky, we're we're actually looking for somebody out here, so we're heading east. And if you don't want to head east, then you know, good luck to you.

SPEAKER_12 39:44

Ah, I'll head east. I'm I'm scared. I don't want to go by myself anymore.

SPEAKER_07 39:48

Okay, we we'll stick together then.

SPEAKER_02 39:51

Uh, you know, safety and numbers. Um I roll my eyes at her and I start walking away. I I don't understand the social cue, so I also roll my eyes at her and start walking away.

SPEAKER_09 40:05

I use Brendo as my social crutch because I just have no sense of it.

SPEAKER_02 40:11

It's sad because I as a person do not either.

SPEAKER_12 40:19

All right. Um miske will give you a plus one to travel checks.

Campfire Talk And Quagmash Lore

SPEAKER_02 40:25

Ooh. Nice. She's like, yeah, I've been this way before.

SPEAKER_04 40:30

Look, more hidden footprints.

SPEAKER_02 40:32

Ow! That hit me hard. Perfect. I'm gonna download that right now.

SPEAKER_11 40:38

Dr. Laszlo. Uh was that was that a full day already? I think it was because we got lost. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_06 40:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 40:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 40:55

Uh all right. So camp.

SPEAKER_01 41:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 41:03

Um we sit down, light a campfire, heat up a couple cheeseburgers. Uh, I turn to Misky and I say, hey, look, I you know, I think we got off on the wrong foot. I'm just really sensitive about my music. Uh, it's my passion in life, and uh you know, we've been having a bad day. We were getting chased by this big old Drake putrefex. Uh, we had this Felmog outrider with us making us Drake. Oh, yeah. I mean, we smelled the Drake, it was that close. We've had a couple of runs in run-ins with that Drake now. Yeah, bad news. Yeah, yeah. So, you know, it's affected my playing. I'm I'm mostly in uh combat mode, if you will. You know, it's uh I show her the toggle switch on my guitar. Ben hates all of that. I say no, I say well, well, you know, so we we've just been having a bad week, you know. Uh what you're out here hunting mushrooms. What's your story? Like where are you where are you from?

SPEAKER_12 42:02

Uh well I'm up I'm from up north. Northern Quagmash.

SPEAKER_02 42:07

Northern Quagmash, like Tarmuk area or Orstee, or even farther.

SPEAKER_12 42:13

Hey, you really know your stuff, huh?

SPEAKER_02 42:15

Yeah, I got this map. I show her the map. Say we we have it subdivided into these hexes, right? So we we can kind of easily know where we've been and where we're going. It's a good system. This is the first who she's ever seen the map. We have a map.

SPEAKER_12 42:34

She points to this area right here.

SPEAKER_02 42:36

Uh so sorry, can you ping one more time? Okay, 3324-ish. Oh, the dark shroom area. I say, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. We we've been there. You know, there's that big tower.

SPEAKER_12 42:49

Oh, yeah, yeah. You want to steer clear of that.

SPEAKER_02 42:52

No, we we took care of it. We took care of it.

SPEAKER_12 42:56

You took care of it.

SPEAKER_02 42:58

That's right. I toss her a dark shroom. Yeah, yeah. It has a face, it's like evil, it screams at her. Don't eat that.

SPEAKER_12 43:08

She likes tosses away.

SPEAKER_07 43:11

Bad mushroom.

SPEAKER_12 43:13

Yeah, real bad.

SPEAKER_02 43:15

Those give you the squirts. Jeez. It's not unlike quiche in a way. Darkroom quiche.

SPEAKER_12 43:26

That's rough. Squirts for days.

SPEAKER_02 43:32

I think we have to put an M rating on the stream now. Already did it.

SPEAKER_12 43:38

Hey, squirts are natural, yeah. Sometimes it comes out wet.

SPEAKER_09 43:43

Yeah. I take a bite of a cheeseburger. Totally not disgusted by the conversation at all.

SPEAKER_06 43:50

Yeah, no. I love it.

SPEAKER_12 43:53

So um there's like a bit of mud on your cheeseburger, but you power through it. Or is it off? Like, I'm like, whatever.

SPEAKER_02 44:01

Or is it? Um I say, so uh, what kind of mushrooms are you looking for?

SPEAKER_12 44:11

Oh, I I was uh picking uh what do they call it?

SPEAKER_02 44:18

Bloom shrooms, you know. Boom shrooms.

SPEAKER_12 44:24

Uh you know, I was looking for uh uh orch snout and uh classic, yeah. You know, keep the orches at bay.

SPEAKER_02 44:36

Yeah, yeah, it's like uh Wolf Spain, but for orches.

SPEAKER_12 44:40

Yep. Yeah, I mean, uh have you run into orches?

SPEAKER_02 44:46

Uh we're really good friends with this guy in orchestai, he's a big orch. Well, you know sclunch. Uh no sclunch. Uh we put him in power as I relive a previous life. Where I was you're possessing now, you guys are just

SPEAKER_12 45:04

Yeah, just lying.

SPEAKER_02 45:06

See, no, no, I just have really vivid memories of it, but uh it wasn't us, it wasn't us. No, I don't think we've had run-ins with orches. Yeah, we have not. We'll stay clear orchestai, that's for sure.

SPEAKER_12 45:20

You know, there's a big uh last I heard, you know, from the uh throatstool thicket is that there's a big old conflict going on with the orches, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 45:33

It's like civil war or yeah. Uh oh. I didn't know myself.

SPEAKER_12 45:40

Sclunch's reign is being threatened.

SPEAKER_07 45:44

Really? Is that a good thing or a bad thing?

SPEAKER_12 45:49

I don't know, it's just a thing.

unknown 45:51

It's just a thing.

SPEAKER_07 45:55

Yeah, we're kind of dealing with uh our own civil war back in Bogtown.

SPEAKER_12 46:02

Oh, your your city slickers, that explains it.

SPEAKER_02 46:05

Explains how we're searching for Curly's gold. Um yeah, you know, we're we're from Bogtown.

SPEAKER_07 46:14

We came out here looking for uh a hit uh a tricky toe gangster who um is on is laying low out here somewhere.

SPEAKER_12 46:23

Well, this is someplace to be. Yeah, well, guess he really doesn't want to be found, huh?

SPEAKER_03 46:32

That's true.

SPEAKER_07 46:33

He does not want to be found, and we're thinking that if we can find him, we may be able to squeeze some information out of him that'll give us the upper hand and uh taking care of the tricky toe gang for good.

SPEAKER_04 46:48

Say, yeah. You guys are do-gooders, huh?

SPEAKER_03 46:53

Kinda. I mean, let's not go crazy here.

SPEAKER_02 47:00

Trying to make some uh we're trying to make some change in the world, you know? Yeah, the tricky joke gang is no good. They kidnapped his mom.

SPEAKER_01 47:08

Start crying.

SPEAKER_05 47:09

Trying to make some change too.

SPEAKER_01 47:11

Oh, yeah? Are you also a thief?

SPEAKER_07 47:15

Thief? I mean, the wrong side of the wall.

SPEAKER_02 47:20

What did I say, Hoosh? We say we're in mergers and acquisitions with a focus on acquisitions, okay? Focus on acquisitions. We're importers, exporters.

SPEAKER_12 47:33

Yeah, you could say I'm some of an importer exporter.

SPEAKER_02 47:36

Okay. I'm thinking of a scientist myself. So uh what what what do you what do you focus on?

SPEAKER_12 47:46

Uh mushrooms and uh, you know, uh mushrooms found objects.

SPEAKER_11 47:52

Oh, I see. Found objects, like what kind of objects?

SPEAKER_12 47:57

Uh, you know, uh shiny things, uh mostly shiny things. Let's put it that way.

SPEAKER_07 48:06

Cool. Money. Yeah.

SPEAKER_12 48:09

That's one of them. We've got that.

SPEAKER_02 48:13

What's the what's the what's the craziest? Oh no. Oh no. I try to quickly distract her from the topic. I say, well, what's the craziest thing you found on your searches? Tell me a story.

SPEAKER_12 48:30

Oh, well, uh, I found this sword one time.

SPEAKER_02 48:36

Oh, this is awesome. Was it uh out in the gator maze?

SPEAKER_12 48:41

Yeah, yeah. Found it at uh uh skelsons had it.

SPEAKER_03 48:48

That's the sword we were talking about, George Brendel.

SPEAKER_12 48:52

I say I sold it to a fellmog outrider.

SPEAKER_02 48:56

Oh man. I say, was he about and then I uh yay big, this wide, broad shoulders, kind of gruff, and I describe the uh hinterlander as best I can.

SPEAKER_12 49:06

Did he have an alligator hat? No, no, no, no, no. He was all decked out in black armor, got a big horned helmet. Look, I figured he was never gonna make it out of the quagmash in that getup. You don't walk around with full plate armor in the swamp.

SPEAKER_02 49:25

No, you'll you'll rest shut or something.

SPEAKER_12 49:29

You know, I was actually meaning to go back and search for the sword again. I figured, you know, he probably sunk in the mud somewhere.

SPEAKER_07 49:36

Where did you sell it to him?

SPEAKER_12 49:40

Up near sinkhole.

SPEAKER_02 49:42

Okay. Sinkhole or swim hole. I say uh should we go together?

SPEAKER_08 49:55

Like you and me. No, I mean the three of us.

SPEAKER_12 50:00

I just assumed I was included in that uh I mean no one's no one's ever asked me to go anywhere before.

SPEAKER_02 50:10

I mean, it's you know just tra traveling, you know? It's be cool, be cool, be cool, be cool.

SPEAKER_01 50:16

I'm cool. What the heck? I'm the coolest guy here, okay?

SPEAKER_12 50:20

I mean, you know, but you you got all your harn twin beard business, and uh I gotta get out of here.

SPEAKER_01 50:30

I'm not leaving. We're right, we're right on top of them. I'm not right where we wanna be.

SPEAKER_12 50:37

Well let's just table this and uh yeah.

SPEAKER_02 50:41

More cheeseburgers?

SPEAKER_12 50:44

You know I can't say no.

SPEAKER_02 50:49

She eats as indelicately as possible. We all do. Like a Carl Jr. commercial. Yeah. We're riding mechanical bulls in the swamp while it all drips down her face. Um I fall asleep in a pile of foil wrappers. It keeps you warm because it reflects your body heat back at you.

SPEAKER_07 51:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 51:15

And you gain plus one courage for the night. I assume you were full, so it wouldn't matter. It's temporary courage. It's like being over over boosted or boosted beyond my my normal capacity because of the meat and cheese. You wake up screaming with power. Um, the next day?

SPEAKER_12 51:40

Uh everyone make perception checks.

SPEAKER_02 51:43

Oh boy, here we go. Is she making one too, Ben? Is my question. Yeah. That's a three. I'm unconscious. Oh, uh seven. Something's amiss.

SPEAKER_12 52:03

Um, Brendo, you wake up.

unknown 52:06

Huh?

SPEAKER_12 52:06

What?

unknown 52:07

Huh?

SPEAKER_12 52:08

You lock eyes with Mitsuki.

SPEAKER_02 52:13

She's like hovering over you. With a knife? No. Like literally, she's levitating, like weirdly.

SPEAKER_12 52:23

No, she's like staring at you, and she's startled when you look up. She says, uh uh, you're you're talking in your sleep. Oh yeah, did I did I talk about my mom? Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_10 52:39

It wasn't weird, was it?

SPEAKER_12 52:41

Yeah, it's weird.

SPEAKER_02 52:47

Yeah, sorry. You know. Uh I feel like I've I feel like I've been kind of wait, is this like we're safe, right? This is like a safe time for discussion, there's not something else going on. Yeah, it seems safe. Seems that way. Um, I say, yeah, I was just I was just thinking about how Bog Town's gotten worse. Uh it's it's I don't know if you're up to date with the events of the world, but you know, tricky toe gangs already kind of had a foothold in there, no pun intended toe hold, toe hold in there. And uh they've only become more rampant. And I think yeah, I think they might have kidnapped my mom, and I I've just been I don't know that I've been doing enough to to help her out, get her back.

SPEAKER_00 53:33

No.

SPEAKER_12 53:36

Uh she seems like surprised that you're unloading this on her.

SPEAKER_02 53:40

Like, hey, you're the one who was staring at me while I slept.

SPEAKER_12 53:44

No, yeah. I mean, it sounds rough. I actually don't really okay.

SPEAKER_06 53:51

No, no. What are you gonna say? What do you say?

SPEAKER_12 53:55

I I mean, I don't know anything about the world, like Bog Town. I'm I'm all about the quagmash. I've never ventured outside of it.

SPEAKER_02 54:05

That's something that you want. We've been all over the mucklins.

SPEAKER_12 54:10

I mean sounds terrible to be honest.

SPEAKER_02 54:13

Yeah, it's not great.

SPEAKER_12 54:16

Just give us some mud, some uh brown soupy water, throw them some reeds, blue reeds. I mean, that's that's home to me.

SPEAKER_02 54:32

I got a lot of respect for that way of life. You know, I don't think I me being a city slicker and all, as you pointed out earlier. I don't think there's any way I could give up the the creature comforts of home in the long term. I mean, right now it's fine to be inconvenienced and out in the mud and mucking. I I see the beauty of it. I look around, it's not beautiful at all. But uh yeah, I don't think I could live this way, but I got a lot of respect for you.

SPEAKER_12 54:59

Yeah, I mean, creature comforts. I I miss the sound of Murgotodes belching and farting me to sleep every night.

SPEAKER_04 55:16

Smell that chicken.

SPEAKER_02 55:20

Oh god, yeah, it really really gets uh right here and right here.

SPEAKER_12 55:28

Anyway, sorry for waking you up. Uh but you woke up.

SPEAKER_02 55:30

No, you didn't. I woke you up. I'm sorry for waking you up. Uh it's it's tough to be traveling with people when you're used to being by yourself, I'm sure.

SPEAKER_03 55:41

What the heck are you guys talking about? Oh, act like you're asleep, otherwise, it's gonna talk to us.

SPEAKER_02 55:49

I use disappearing act.

SPEAKER_06 55:56

Um fall back into a fitful sleep.

SPEAKER_12 56:00

Yeah, yeah. Um, you wake up in the morning.

SPEAKER_06 56:05

When I wake up in the morning, and where are you going?

SPEAKER_11 56:10

Um I think we gotta go east.

SPEAKER_02 56:15

Mm-hmm. We push it into the gallery. We push it. I push it, yeah. Two clicks.

unknown 56:21

Wow.

SPEAKER_05 56:22

All right.

SPEAKER_02 56:24

Roll it up. Is it me or George? I don't remember. Oh, it's spin me in the morning things. Yes. That's uh eight plus two is nine. No, sorry, eight plus one quest point is what I was trying to say.

SPEAKER_12 56:42

Misky gives you a plus one.

Whispering Gallows Through Hanging Shrooms

SPEAKER_02 56:44

Oh, oh, so then don't need to. All right, which way are you going? Uh Jimmy, 3126 or okay. Yeah, I can't I can't drag. And it's not allowed me the responsibility because I draw terrible things on a map.

SPEAKER_12 57:10

No, I I don't know why you guys don't have it. Oh, I know. We usually we do. It's odd. Um all right. Georgia can search for something. Um search for hard windowsy. Misky takes you through uh the whispering gallows, and it's just as she described. It looks like humanoid-looking mushrooms that hang down from the the branches, and um she tells you guys to duck and watch out and don't make any contact with them.

SPEAKER_02 57:53

Oh my gosh. Uh I sit there staring at one that looks exactly like hooch, but I realize I've just been staring as hooch the entire time. What are you what are you looking at, right? Oh, I thought you were a tree.

SPEAKER_01 58:06

No, I'm I'm not a tree, but let's uh let's make like one and leave, you know what I mean. Uh I approve.

SPEAKER_02 58:17

I'm gonna like crouch and avoid them every possible way I can. It's like Catherine Zeta Jones in Entrevan. Jeez.

SPEAKER_12 58:30

What a reference. Yeah. Terrible, terrible reference. Uh uh well Misky is a good guide, and she leads you through um Jimmy Boy. Where are you taking him?

SPEAKER_02 58:45

Where are you taking them? Maybe directly south from here. It's like kind of okay. It's a tight end up in mushmash 11. Actually, should I make it uh I'm gonna use a quest point and make it a 12. I respect that. That's the only real good use of a quest point to make discoveries.

SPEAKER_05 59:11

So you're going here?

SPEAKER_02 59:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_12 59:17

Okay, roll a discovery.

SPEAKER_02 59:23

54. I'm gonna roll a number attached to that, Ben. I'm gonna this is how many of these things we discovered. Discover four of these.

SPEAKER_12 59:38

You discover four wooden fortresses. All next to each other, honestly.

SPEAKER_02 59:44

Yeah, they're they're at odds. They're constantly yelling insults and uh cabbages at one another.

SPEAKER_12 59:51

You see a wooden fortress of towers like pointy palisades. Uh it's kind of like a makeshift structure, but it's still very impressive. And um actually, it's in the process of being built.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:10

Uh crew people around. So you're saying it's a building, not a build.

SPEAKER_12 1:00:14

No, there's only a single boggle, and he's like hammering. He looks like an older boggle with a beard.

SPEAKER_07 1:00:23

Ahoy, boggle.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:25

A hurl!

SPEAKER_12 1:00:26

What say you? He spits out some nails from his mouth and says, uh, hello.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:33

What you doing out here? This is one heck of a structure you've made. Prepare it for the end times. He's a doomsday prepper. That's what we rolled.

SPEAKER_12 1:00:44

A doomsday prepper.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:45

That's fantastic. Oh, prepare for the end times. Well, you know, that's as I guess this is as good a place as any.

SPEAKER_12 1:00:52

Yep. Lost willows, build a big old fortress. I mean, that's who's gonna have it better than me.

SPEAKER_07 1:01:00

That's true.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:01

Um, uh, say, you've been out here a long time.

SPEAKER_12 1:01:06

Yeah, a few months. Just got this uh premonition, I'd say, that uh things are coming to an end. And uh, well, I'm gonna be the last to live.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:21

All right. Well, to what end, though? I mean, you just want to you're okay with being in a world with no one around. Well invite people in, or is it is this gonna be you?

SPEAKER_12 1:01:34

Someone's gotta keep keep the civilization going.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:39

All right, all right.

SPEAKER_12 1:01:40

I suppose um uh all them tycoons are gonna bring us down. I believe they're typhoons.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:48

Yeah, it's uh weather patterns you're talking about, right?

SPEAKER_12 1:01:51

No, I'm talking about tycoon typhoons, the goblin fat cats who are destroying the environment.

SPEAKER_06 1:02:00

I've never seen a goblin own a cat. I'm just saying.

SPEAKER_12 1:02:02

And all them fell mogs coming in, they want to take over the land. It's just a matter of time.

SPEAKER_07 1:02:12

I don't think I can disagree with you. In fact, I think you're a-okay. You ever heard of the gloom king? Uh I've never heard of the gloom king.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:26

Have we as characters never heard of the gloom king? I feel like no, right?

SPEAKER_05 1:02:30

Yeah, you you should do your research.

SPEAKER_09 1:02:35

What the end times are coming. He's the most sane person. Yeah, he really is.

SPEAKER_07 1:02:46

Um can't say that I've heard of the Gloom King, but uh, I have heard of Harn Twinbeard.

SPEAKER_12 1:02:55

Uh Harn Twinbeard.

SPEAKER_07 1:02:59

Yeah. No, he might be hiding out somewhere around here, actually. Really? Yeah, you may not be alone.

SPEAKER_12 1:03:10

Now that just that really sticks in my craw.

SPEAKER_07 1:03:14

He starts pulling up nails.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:16

He's just gonna work on it for months.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:18

He's just starting disassembling it and moving. I did the research, no one was around.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:25

Would you mind if we uh looked for the guy uh on your land?

SPEAKER_07 1:03:29

We're uh we we're kind of we're we're here to arrest him.

SPEAKER_12 1:03:33

Yeah, that'll be helpful to you.

SPEAKER_08 1:03:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_12 1:03:36

Look, I I'll help you find him myself if you're gonna arrest him. I don't want any other uh you will.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:42

What you say this guy is? He's a gangster. Hiding out, uh thick Italian accent from Bronx, you know.

SPEAKER_12 1:03:54

A sour look comes on his face. He says, uh, just the type I wanted to get away from.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:59

I know another fat cat, gangster, you know.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:02

A boggle like goes through his toolbox and like takes out a claymore. Like I always knew what comes in.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:11

Let's take care of it. Come on.

SPEAKER_12 1:04:12

Yeah, let's go with that. He does that.

SPEAKER_09 1:04:19

It's like sword like incomprehensibly fits inside the toolbox.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:23

Yeah, I I love that it is an access to so so James, when you said claymore, did you mean like he was gonna put a claymore mine in front of his thing to protect him?

SPEAKER_07 1:04:33

No, like a gigantic two-handed Scottish sword.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:35

Okay, so I was the only one who thought of an actual like uh non-sorder. Okay, got it. Yes, I thought of an explosive device, and that was hilarious. This is world of dynamite dungeons, dynamite dynamite dungeons.

SPEAKER_12 1:04:52

Uh look, I'll tell you one thing though.

SPEAKER_10 1:04:56

I'll tell you what, Bobby Hill.

SPEAKER_12 1:04:58

I am 99% certain that uh this harn twin beard is not in this vicinity. So there's only one way, yeah. I know, right?

SPEAKER_07 1:05:10

You're telling me there's a chance. Um, well, if he's not on your land, he might be on one of the bordering areas. We heard he's in the east, so we could go a little further.

SPEAKER_12 1:05:25

Well, let's go. Let me set up my traps first. He like starts setting up an elaborate booby trap system around his fort.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:34

So they come back, and there's gonna be like 40 dead gators. Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 1:05:39

Gators are always getting into my traps, but man's gotta eat.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:43

Yep.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:45

I want some gator turkey.

SPEAKER_08 1:05:50

Well, this is awesome.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:52

Yeah, now our party has grown. We will we will outnumber twin beard. Um, yeah, I guess should we stay here for the night? It's safe. I guess, yeah, maybe it's like he starts deactivating his traps.

SPEAKER_10 1:06:09

Well, I know you're oh I uh company nine.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:14

Yeah, uh it is getting late, isn't it? Yeah, we still have uh 90% of a cheeseburger tray left.

SPEAKER_12 1:06:24

Um your your cheeseburger tray is probably down to like one.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:30

Yeah, we gotta keep some for to trap twin beard. All right, we can use the uh the kraken jerky. I break out a feast of Kraken jerky for this guy. Ah, I got different varieties. This is peppered, uh, this is uh some kind of uh marinated uh Kraken jerky. Uh you know, they use uh uh teriaki. It's called teriyaki.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:53

He uh named after Mr. Terrence Yaki himself. Well, the celebrity chef from Bogtown. Yeah.

SPEAKER_12 1:07:05

You guys are inside. I want that to be true. It's really, it's kind of it's compact for Brendo, especially.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:12

Okay, sure.

SPEAKER_12 1:07:13

Yeah, I'm not that height. Um and it's it's sort of like a nice little you know, a round table is there for you guys to eat.

SPEAKER_07 1:07:26

But then all scrunched inside it's like Yoda's hut. We're like all scrunched inside.

SPEAKER_12 1:07:31

But then there are like little doors with stairs that go up and these towers and stuff, like on all four sides. It's amazing. And uh he says, Well, it's nice and quaint, uh, nice and tight in here, but uh, you know, sorry, sorry for the uh wasn't expecting company ever.

SPEAKER_07 1:07:57

That's okay.

SPEAKER_09 1:07:58

I mean, we're just happy to to be here with you and your hospitality, and hooch made this amazing meal, and it's just so wonderful.

SPEAKER_12 1:08:09

You can tell that Misky looks like really restless and uncomfortable in here, just like scratching herself, like looking up. She's allergic to civilization.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:18

Yeah, she needs to be out in the open underneath. You want to sleep under the stars, Misky? You can go up a roof.

SPEAKER_12 1:08:26

Yeah, no, no, liable to be eaten by a gator or something.

SPEAKER_11 1:08:31

Yeah, it's uh you seem a little uh skittish. Is there something about this place you don't like?

SPEAKER_04 1:08:37

Uh it's a lot claustrophobic in here.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:42

Well, uh uh huge farts. Sorry, guys.

SPEAKER_10 1:08:48

It's a lot of dairy, a lot of dairy. Yeah, now you stam it's chi. Well, you know, uh had to bring up whole barrels full of bungalow milk. Most of it's curdled now, but you'll be okay.

SPEAKER_07 1:09:05

You'll be alright. You look tough.

SPEAKER_02 1:09:12

Um, can we sleep like on the roof of one of the towers? If Misky's uncomfortable. Um I mean, you could sleep in a tower. One tower each, guys. Come on. One tower each. We all sleep in a tower. Yeah, glancing at the outside through the little murder holes for crossbows or whatever.

SPEAKER_12 1:09:46

Um, yeah. What the what are you gonna do? I mean, you guys go to sleep, you guys uh you do something. I'm gonna go to sleep, I think.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:02

Yeah, I'll go to sleep as well. Actually, I spent part of part of the night.

SPEAKER_09 1:10:08

I'm gonna like draw out like a little uh booby trap for twin beard that's really rudimentary, where like we've got cheeseburgers in front of a doorway, and there's like a box and a stick, and we pull the stick out, and we'll grab them. And I'm like, I'm really excited to share this with the team tomorrow morning.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:29

I uh yelled from my tower. Good night, Hooch.

SPEAKER_10 1:10:33

Night, Brendo, night, Misky, night, old boggle guy. Good night. Uh the name's Fetch.

SPEAKER_07 1:10:45

Good night, Fetch.

SPEAKER_12 1:10:46

Fetch Fetch McDonough.

SPEAKER_07 1:10:50

Good night, Mr. McDonough. Thanks, Mr.

SPEAKER_12 1:10:55

McDonough.

unknown 1:10:58

Amazing.

Misky Vanishes Without A Trace

SPEAKER_12 1:11:00

Uh when you wake up, your sketch has been like uh partially erased and improved by uh fetch.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:13

That's amazing.

SPEAKER_09 1:11:15

It's like clearly he doesn't have minus two tinker.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:18

Right.

SPEAKER_07 1:11:28

Morning.

SPEAKER_08 1:11:28

Morning.

SPEAKER_07 1:11:29

We ready to ship off.

SPEAKER_12 1:11:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_09 1:11:35

Where'd that uh kobold girl go?

SPEAKER_08 1:11:38

Huh.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:40

I like look around for her. She's like actually dug herself a mud hole right out front of the fortress. She's nestled in it.

SPEAKER_12 1:11:52

I don't know where she is. She's nowhere to be found.

SPEAKER_06 1:11:55

I look for my ancient coins.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:00

They're still there. Okay. Good thing we slept in separate towers. Can I use a search check to see if she's like in the area?

SPEAKER_09 1:12:08

Any and to find any hint of her?

SPEAKER_10 1:12:11

Sure. Um five.

SPEAKER_12 1:12:22

Um, you don't find her, you f you find what could be her footprints, but they they don't lead anywhere.

SPEAKER_07 1:12:32

She's gone. Maybe she didn't want to go with us after all. Yes.

SPEAKER_08 1:12:41

What a shame. Well, I hope she's safe. Is anyone really safe, Gooch?

SPEAKER_12 1:12:50

No, no, no one's really safe. That's why you gotta build a fort in the lost willows.

SPEAKER_10 1:12:59

I'm the only one.

SPEAKER_12 1:13:02

Tell you. Could come a day when a legion of skeletons descends upon the mucklins. That's crazy.

SPEAKER_10 1:13:14

You're out of your mind, old man. Yeah, that's what they all say.

SPEAKER_05 1:13:21

Just uh read the history books. It ain't as far-fetched as you think.

SPEAKER_07 1:13:28

Well, I don't know what to do. I I mean, if if Misky's left us, then she's left us.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:36

Yeah, not much we can do about that.

SPEAKER_12 1:13:40

Yeah, I mean, I'm surprised that you were uh even running around with the kobold, you know what I mean? That's uh risky business in itself.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:47

It seems a bit uh, you know. I don't like to make it.

SPEAKER_08 1:13:53

She seemed nice enough.

SPEAKER_07 1:13:55

Yeah. I'll admit I had fear. Fearing uh the moment I heard her name was she was a kobold. I felt fear.

SPEAKER_11 1:14:02

But uh, you know, she was just lost like anybody else.

SPEAKER_10 1:14:07

Aren't we all lost except me? We're right where you want to be. I'm right where I want to be.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:14

There was a time I was lost. Yep. Is this about how he found religion?

SPEAKER_10 1:14:19

Or let me give you a pamphlet. How to be a doomsday prepper. The entire yeah, prepping is my religion. Yeah, some people call me a preppy, but uh I take that as a gonna be I don't pop my collar.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:40

Wow. Um well, I mean, should we head out? Yep, let's go.

SPEAKER_12 1:14:51

Puts his giant claymore over his shoulder.

SPEAKER_07 1:14:55

All right, we waddle into the wilderness. All right, who's up? Georgie.

SPEAKER_06 1:15:04

Is it Georgie? Is it me? If I'm a Georgie.

SPEAKER_02 1:15:11

Uh 12 plus. Oh good. It's a two.

SPEAKER_12 1:15:18

Yes. Okay. Yes.

SPEAKER_02 1:15:21

Uh should if I make it a three, Ben. I forget, does that change anything?

SPEAKER_12 1:15:30

Um, no, it won't. Because it won't.

SPEAKER_06 1:15:47

No, it's it's fine. It's fine.

SPEAKER_12 1:15:58

Um, roll a D one hundred one.

SPEAKER_02 1:16:11

All right.

SPEAKER_12 1:16:44

Chuck a lot of casta is uh I'm just I'm breeding two things that have creatures that don't exist.

SPEAKER_02 1:16:53

I don't know if I I guess that's you guys have come up with names, but you haven't actually fleshed them out, or is it yeah, that it's a case of that, but like I think at this point we should just replace it with something.

SPEAKER_12 1:17:04

Yeah, but no, man.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:05

Whatever creatures in there, you should make a note of it. Make them up on the spot. Well, I want to do right now. Come on, come on, let's do it. Let's uh let's brainstorm a session. Let's uh do some real-time game design.

SPEAKER_04 1:17:20

Georgie boy, oh Georgie boy.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:22

Give me a name, I'll give you a challenge rating. We'll go from there.

SPEAKER_12 1:17:27

Uh it's a bog thrasher.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:30

Okay, okay. Bogthrashers uh come in three different sizes. What was the second one? Muk pincers. Okay, bog thrashers and muck pincers are actually natural enemies. They prey on each other. Uh they're both about 10 feet in length.

SPEAKER_09 1:17:46

Um humongus.

Quag Bleaker Ambush And Scrap

SPEAKER_02 1:17:49

The muck pincer looks just like a big lobster. It has pincer attacks and a tail slap. And then uh what is the personal again? Just described the crawl bat. Well, it doesn't matter. It's a cousin. It has a has like a human-esque head. Like I was gonna say, it's like a little monster. Yeah, it's it has a pained human face. Yeah, it's actually, but the human face is is fake, it just uses that to engage with people, but it just mostly is like this uh crustacean brain behind it. It's that it's working. Yeah, you should just reroll. Oh boy. Oh boy, Oberto. Whatever happened to that beef jerky brand, you know? Just saying still exists.

SPEAKER_07 1:18:45

I don't you just don't have any.

SPEAKER_12 1:18:48

I don't have no Oberto. So what you actually discover is uh um a a huge quag bleaker that is finished um feeding on a gator bones. Oh boy. So it's full at least. It immediately notices you. I wave. It's it's like it waves back. Uh let's show you a quag bleaker what that looks like.

SPEAKER_07 1:19:27

Uh it waves back like Beetlejuice does when he's the roach.

SPEAKER_02 1:19:32

Hey, how are you doing? Hey, gotta watch Beetlejuice again. Beatle. Beatle. Beatle. The apple juice. All right, it looks something like this. Oh boy. Oh god. So is that undercarriage? Is that just dripping? Well, I don't understand that art. It's fur, it's fur, it's as a furry belly. So, so uh little known fact, uh, the belly of these creatures, the fur, highly prized in purse making. Hmm. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_12 1:20:08

All the bog town debutants. Yeah, where like mink.

SPEAKER_11 1:20:14

Yeah. Yes.

SPEAKER_07 1:20:17

George, if you roll a if you roll a 12 in natural 12 right now, I'll let that be true.

SPEAKER_02 1:20:22

I'm jumping into GM, sorry. For a second I thought that was real. I faked it. Okay, here, yeah, here, almost. I used I used two quest points. I used two real life quest points. Had to be in that 12. Forbid you.

SPEAKER_07 1:20:42

I am the GM. I forbid it. Me! I know where the treasure is hidden.

SPEAKER_12 1:20:50

Um, which hex are you moving to, by the way?

SPEAKER_02 1:20:53

Nobody knows. It's not important. To the right. Yeah, I guess 3226. Can't read it. Um, yeah, that's right.

SPEAKER_12 1:21:08

Alright, so you're face to face with this quag bleaker.

SPEAKER_08 1:21:12

Um it still seems hungry.

SPEAKER_12 1:21:18

What do you do? It's eaten beaten, you say? It's like just sucked the bones clean of a gator. Oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_02 1:21:31

Uh, I take the bones, I make it into a stew, and I give it a nice stew. We we stop and cook. Yeah.

SPEAKER_12 1:21:39

Um, so you can see the wings on its back start to like like vibrate. Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_09 1:21:49

Um maybe, maybe throw a cheeseburger at it or something. Just clinks against its carapace. Sucking down cheeseburgers.

SPEAKER_02 1:22:04

Uh okay, so I'm gonna roll, I'm gonna narrator this. Uh I'm not I'm gonna go ahead and just say I'm not going to rhyme. Okay, so it's it's fine. It's too high. And this is called again, uh, what again? A bug what? Bleaker. Quag bleaker. Okay. Quag weaker. All right, all right. So uh and then the quag bleaker's wings fluttered to life. Its eyes glared at us, they filled with strife. I'm not gonna rhyme. It took off into the air and dashed at us. Passing our heads, it thrashed into uh what's her face? Misky. She's gone though. No, she's she was actually behind us. Oh, I dig it.

SPEAKER_12 1:22:58

That's what so here's the deal. You you're not supposed to roll before you say what you do.

SPEAKER_02 1:23:05

I didn't roll.

SPEAKER_12 1:23:07

I thought oh, sorry, I thought that was I know how it works now.

SPEAKER_02 1:23:12

That was that was the role to determine if quagblicher fur was used like a mint yes then by the gentle tree of uh inspired check, I think it is. So that's a nine.

SPEAKER_12 1:23:30

Okay, sorry, can you boil that down into uh basically, right?

SPEAKER_02 1:23:34

Like I want the quag bleaker to get pissed off, but it's it's it seems like it's coming straight for us, but it blows right past us and it impales Misky, who is I know she wasn't supposed to be with us, but she was gonna steal from us. So she's been stalking us, like stole from us already. You know, just gonna make a campaign villain out of her, yeah. Basically, okay.

SPEAKER_12 1:24:03

All right, George, your uh your your PC instincts were true, or terrible as always.

SPEAKER_02 1:24:13

Oh that's good.

SPEAKER_12 1:24:17

She was thinking about stealing from you, but she didn't. Now this is the thanks she gets.

SPEAKER_06 1:24:25

Well, she's still behind us, she's still sneaking out.

SPEAKER_12 1:24:27

These PCs have to live with this. I'm fine with it. You you see her uh be uh you know charged by this quag bleaker and just passes right by you. What do you I mean, are you gonna run now?

SPEAKER_02 1:24:45

Bizky doesn't mean we're gonna leave her behind. I look at Hooch and I say, Do we have to do something? Run. We have to do something.

SPEAKER_12 1:25:01

That's your friend up there.

SPEAKER_02 1:25:03

Yeah, I mean, we didn't know she was gonna steal from us. I think that like Hooch would uh or sorry, Brendo would still like try to help her out. Yeah. Um I will swashbuckle her.

SPEAKER_09 1:25:18

Yeah, I don't know how strong this thing is.

SPEAKER_02 1:25:20

Okay, I'm gonna swashbuckle her a um a log with a hole in it that Misky can dive into. Okay. Uh critically make it. It's a lovingly crafted artisanal log with a nicely chamfered hole in it. Like fairies are having dinner inside of it. Yes. They're reading the evening paper. Looks like orange juice stocks are up today. I'm like, no.

SPEAKER_09 1:25:56

Sorry. Look at these lumber futures.

SPEAKER_02 1:26:07

It's just like two fairies, like the old guys from trading places. Yeah.

SPEAKER_09 1:26:11

They just like just discussing commodities markets, reading their newspapers in a club.

SPEAKER_02 1:26:16

Oh my. Oh my. They hear from outside.

SPEAKER_00 1:26:22

Wow. Wow.

SPEAKER_02 1:26:26

Uh the the quagbicker's face. Yeah, the quagbeaker's face is actually Eddie Murphy's.

SPEAKER_09 1:26:35

That's Dan Aykroyd eating a salmon out of his beard.

SPEAKER_02 1:26:38

Oh Lord. Love it. What's going on, Ben? Can you wrangle us? Can you can you wrangle us back to reality?

SPEAKER_12 1:26:49

Well, you've created a situation where Misky is being attacked, and then you've you've spotted a uh a hole for her to jump in.

SPEAKER_06 1:26:57

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_12 1:26:58

So uh you're gonna like yell at her and jump in the hole.

SPEAKER_01 1:27:02

Misky, the hole!

SPEAKER_12 1:27:03

Yeah, I do.

SPEAKER_02 1:27:04

I thought she would just figure it out, but yeah, no, it's it's fine.

SPEAKER_12 1:27:09

Okay, so uh, what are you doing?

SPEAKER_02 1:27:16

I am going to actually use backstabber on the flicker. Nice.

SPEAKER_12 1:27:22

All right, Misky will jump into the hole. She fails with a plus.

SPEAKER_02 1:27:31

Her head's in the hole, so her vital organ is protected, but um maybe she stumbles and I can like oh no. Yeah, I think you should backstab this thing. Yeah, I'm gonna backstab this. I can try to help her.

SPEAKER_12 1:27:52

Um she misses the hole, but she falls into uh some uh foliage that'll make it slightly difficult for her to be uh speared by the gross, what do you call it? A proboscis? Probably, yes.

SPEAKER_02 1:28:14

I I had no idea until you guys both said that word. Things I hate because that's what the mosquitoes use to suck my blood.

SPEAKER_12 1:28:24

Yeah. All right, roll initiative, James. Roll a proboscis check.

SPEAKER_02 1:28:28

Ooh, yeah.

SPEAKER_12 1:28:30

You go first.

SPEAKER_09 1:28:32

All right, I'm going to roll my backstabbery. I don't have the chart out.

unknown 1:28:38

Oh no.

SPEAKER_02 1:28:39

All good man. I use a quest point.

SPEAKER_07 1:28:42

Oh, wait. I keep forgetting to open the handbook before we play.

SPEAKER_12 1:28:53

A backstab, that should be a hit, at least.

SPEAKER_02 1:28:57

A five. Sorry. It's a hit with a counter, it counter backstabs you.

SPEAKER_12 1:29:05

Funny thing.

SPEAKER_09 1:29:06

I do hit, but if I do a quest point, it's double dred.

SPEAKER_02 1:29:14

But you gain a dark side point, right? And that's how it works. You know what? Um I'm going to use the quest point for this because I can only use this power like one more time or whatever. And like it doesn't matter. So I'm gonna do double uh six dread.

SPEAKER_12 1:29:35

All right, your uh what weapon do you have? Um magnificent war pick. It just drives right into the furry spot below its carapace, and it immediately makes this horrible scream everyone um actually it attacks everyone at once, like at the same time.

SPEAKER_02 1:30:06

Yeah. We're fine.

SPEAKER_12 1:30:11

That will not be a hit. Negative. But it lets out this horrible uh chittering screech with its wings that like yeah. Um and then it attacks Misky. It's minus one, but it's a hit. At least it's not a crit. Six dread oof. You hear squeal be in the bushes. Uh and then fetch attacks. Someone want to fetch fetch that fetch.

SPEAKER_07 1:31:04

That's so fetch.

SPEAKER_02 1:31:06

It's a six, I know. It was the thing of the same thing. I thought no one would get the reference. So that's that's somehow that's where I draw the line. I don't even know what it's from. It's from Mean Girls. Stop trying to make fetch a thing. Dude, kudos. Fetch comes up once a month in the ORs for some reason. That's so fetch.

SPEAKER_12 1:31:27

How does it hit with counterattack?

SPEAKER_02 1:31:31

Oh, yeah. What's the damage on his claymore?

SPEAKER_12 1:31:35

He does a uh D D8.

SPEAKER_00 1:31:40

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 1:31:42

Not a D400. So 103 dread. It's actually pretty low for uh not only does he kill the quag bleaker, but he tears open a rent in reality.

SPEAKER_12 1:32:00

Alright, two dread and it counterattacks fetch.

SPEAKER_02 1:32:09

Oh no. Oh no.

SPEAKER_04 1:32:14

Fetch!

SPEAKER_02 1:32:15

He takes a dread.

SPEAKER_12 1:32:18

It's brutal. Got all this NPCs soaking up your damage here.

SPEAKER_02 1:32:25

Yeah, why do you think I I brought Misky back into the equation?

SPEAKER_12 1:32:31

Alright, next round. What uh what are you guys doing?

SPEAKER_02 1:32:35

Um I'm gonna use I'm gonna attack twice using the Warpicks, the magnificent ability. Okay, nice. Brandell? Uh I too will attack, I think. Got another 12 on my uh no, that's an 11, sorry. All right, um, and then Wuzzle will also attack. Oh, yeah, I forgot about Wuzzle. Wuzzle's been like crowling in the forest, ready to pounce. This is my initiative. I am also a nine. Is that your attack, James? That's my second attack. It's a critical. My first is a critical, my second is a critical miss. At least it was in that order.

SPEAKER_12 1:33:22

You didn't roll initiative, though.

SPEAKER_07 1:33:24

Oh, that's true. Well, either way, I've got a critical miss I'm looking at.

SPEAKER_09 1:33:37

I'm the first to go with a critical miss. Whoa!

SPEAKER_12 1:33:41

Umch. Uh critical miss. What does that mean? Well, it means that.

SPEAKER_02 1:33:51

I think I should at least cancel out my second attack.

SPEAKER_09 1:33:57

All right.

SPEAKER_02 1:33:59

It's fair. I uh just like I just fumble and go directly into the log, and now my head's stuck in it.

SPEAKER_12 1:34:14

And then uh the fairies just like take a bite out of your face.

SPEAKER_02 1:34:18

Oh more old flesh. How delightful they're putting pepper and like mustard on me. The other guy says it's not delivery, it's dejaurne. It's dejaune. Would you like some grape bone? They slather your face with mustard. Uh Brendo, it's your turn. It is. Um, oh, actually, that's minus one, Ben. It's not plus one. I was looking at my dread, so it's attack minus one. Uh it's a five.

SPEAKER_12 1:34:54

That's not good enough. Um however, you um you disrupt the uh quag bleaker's own chittering and disturbing. Oh nice. And um thank you love a minus one when it attacks Miski again. Actually, it's probably uh it's gonna attack Hooch after last time.

SPEAKER_02 1:35:26

Oh boy, oh boy. Yeah, I'm all sprawled out.

SPEAKER_12 1:35:32

Well, that'll be a miss.

SPEAKER_05 1:35:35

I'll take it.

SPEAKER_12 1:35:40

And then it attacks you again. So that'll be a hit with a counterattack. However, it's got a bleak or beak, and twice per combat it can negate a counterattack, so it just gets to attack you and does six dread. Oh boy, that is the worst. Try to strike back at it, and it's just it's probiscus. Snarly just knocks your weapon away. It's uh fencing master with it's proboscis, yes. I always want to say probiscus, like hibiscus.

SPEAKER_07 1:36:21

I always want to say like probiscu bisquick, like biscuik.

SPEAKER_10 1:36:25

Exactly. Just a very pro pancake mix. Pro biscus. I am pro-boscus, and I am pro-biscuit. Together we make dumplings.

SPEAKER_09 1:36:40

There you go. There you go.

SPEAKER_11 1:36:43

Insect dumplings.

SPEAKER_02 1:36:45

Yeah, we're gonna make this guy into dumplings. It is uh now miskey's turn. Does she do anything?

SPEAKER_12 1:36:52

Yeah, she could. She's a rascal. Yeah, she is.

SPEAKER_08 1:36:58

A fellow rascal.

SPEAKER_12 1:37:00

So you could attack with both her and fetch.

SPEAKER_02 1:37:05

Jimmy, you wanna you play Misky and I'll play Fetch? Sure. I will attack.

SPEAKER_08 1:37:14

Eleven. Nahu?

SPEAKER_10 1:37:17

It's D6. Huni Hina Hana Hana Hana Hana.

SPEAKER_06 1:37:21

Two dread. Um fetch goes wide again.

SPEAKER_08 1:37:30

Hold steel, man.

SPEAKER_02 1:37:31

What the it's like cuts the log in half. Yeah. Sword splits right between the the table where the two razors are sitting.

SPEAKER_10 1:37:40

Oh, that's uncommon. I can't believe that would happen. Water.

SPEAKER_12 1:37:52

All right, uh next round. Uh the crag bleaker is looking uh a little worn and ragged.

SPEAKER_06 1:37:59

Okay. Okay.

SPEAKER_12 1:38:02

Actually, I'm gonna make a uh metal check for it. Um see something. Let me see something. Tell me something good.

SPEAKER_02 1:38:27

Damn it, tell me good.

SPEAKER_08 1:38:34

It's reflex. It is reflex.

SPEAKER_12 1:38:43

Sorry. Yeah, he would he would fail that. Uh it's not a plus one, it's plus zero. Oh, nice. And his wings flap really fast, and he sort of lifts off the ground momentarily to get away from you and scrambles off into the bog.

Misky’s Secret And A Hidden Hatch

SPEAKER_02 1:39:02

Um, not so fast, I say. And I flap my wings too, and Kenny Loggins comes on the radio playing danger zone and get into a dog aerial dog fight. Wow.

SPEAKER_12 1:39:17

The radio that lives in your theremin.

SPEAKER_02 1:39:27

He shoots the radio laser. Um, but yes. No, it it so it flees? It does.

SPEAKER_03 1:39:39

Get out of here! Gone.

SPEAKER_12 1:39:43

Misky um gets up. She's got like a a stab wound from its proboscis and says, uh, how'd you know I was there? How come you ditched us last night?

SPEAKER_02 1:39:58

Well, I I didn't. It was the this quag skeeter who knew she was there.

SPEAKER_12 1:40:04

Oh, well. I mean I I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 1:40:11

Wait, Ben Ben, were you was Misky actually following us like independently of what I said?

SPEAKER_12 1:40:18

Um yes. Amazing.

SPEAKER_02 1:40:23

Sorry.

SPEAKER_12 1:40:26

She was contemplating stealing from you.

SPEAKER_06 1:40:28

I see.

SPEAKER_12 1:40:29

And she actually tried to steal from you, but you woke up.

SPEAKER_06 1:40:33

The night that I woke up, yeah. Yeah, it all makes sense now.

SPEAKER_12 1:40:38

Um sorry she also uh clearly taking a liking to you. Like personally, not romantically, but like yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:40:48

Yeah, I totally get it. She's I totally get it. Um but I misinterpret it all.

SPEAKER_12 1:40:57

Listen, uh I'm sorry, I didn't want to leave, but I also didn't want to stay.

SPEAKER_02 1:41:05

Uh it's complicated. Yeah, uh you don't like being tied down, but you you you do like the idea of having friends, but you you want it on your own terms, and you also have lots of money, and it's really tempting, and no one let me just be honest with you.

SPEAKER_12 1:41:31

I I'm not lost.

SPEAKER_11 1:41:36

What really? What's uh going on?

SPEAKER_12 1:41:42

This is kind of what I do. Oh, that's fine, but no one's ever nice to me.

SPEAKER_11 1:41:48

That's your hustle, yeah.

SPEAKER_12 1:41:52

But you guys are like nice and stuff, and gave me cheeseburgers. That kind of threw me off.

SPEAKER_02 1:41:58

Oh no, that that's that's the squirts. That's the squirts.

SPEAKER_12 1:42:03

No, no, separate from the squirts.

SPEAKER_02 1:42:05

Oh. Oh, well, that's very sweet that you know you feel that way. Um, I say, look, yeah, you know, I I know that what you do is considered a bad thing, but you do have a good heart if you know you even took a pause because we were nice to you.

SPEAKER_05 1:42:23

Oh, whoa, hold on a minute. Well, she's a rascal. I don't stand for rascals.

SPEAKER_06 1:42:30

So am I. He sits down.

SPEAKER_03 1:42:33

You're a rascal? Yeah, I'm a good rascal, a knight of the road.

SPEAKER_02 1:42:39

I'm a bard, and that's basically a musical rascal.

SPEAKER_03 1:42:42

Yeah, we're trying to take out uh these these tricky toes are giving rascals a bad name.

SPEAKER_02 1:42:48

Yeah, this guy's a knight.

SPEAKER_03 1:42:49

You don't want to hurt anybody.

SPEAKER_12 1:42:52

Oh no, I don't know about this.

SPEAKER_06 1:42:56

What what class is he then?

SPEAKER_12 1:43:01

Make a charm check, hooch.

SPEAKER_07 1:43:09

Ten.

SPEAKER_12 1:43:12

You know, I I suppose you I suppose you're somewhat like the rascals of Rascalton, then, huh?

SPEAKER_03 1:43:18

That's right. And who else is gonna take care of the little guy? These tycoons they don't care, these gangsters they don't care, the fellmogs. I'm sure your skeletons wouldn't care either if they were real.

SPEAKER_12 1:43:31

Yeah, they are real and they don't care. Well, they care about nothing.

SPEAKER_02 1:43:36

That's what I'm saying. They're skeleton nihilists, is that what it is? We care about nothing. Yeah, there's nothing as important to those, it's all going to end.

SPEAKER_12 1:43:47

They don't even have the capacity to care. I mean, they're uh they're just thralls.

SPEAKER_05 1:43:53

You guys should really read up on this.

SPEAKER_02 1:43:54

It's it's a serious concern for the world. He hands us a copy of Rickety Stitch. Wow.

SPEAKER_10 1:44:04

Now, this is the only skeleton with a soul. Okay, yeah, so some would call this the holy bibli of skeletons, who dies.

SPEAKER_09 1:44:15

Um and then is resurrected as a skeleton, yeah, with a soul.

SPEAKER_02 1:44:23

Uh yeah, I mean, that's why we're after this twin beard, that's why it matters. Because if we can get to twin beard, we can find the weakness of the tricky toes. Find the weakness of the tricky toes, we take down the tricky toes, and we're gonna yo jimbo the heck out of this thing. We're gonna yojimbo all over them.

SPEAKER_12 1:44:41

Wow, sounds like a plan then.

SPEAKER_02 1:44:46

Yeah, but we can't find the guy, like this is where like Hooch just like is beside himself with grief.

SPEAKER_03 1:44:52

He's like, We've been stomping around the quad mash for a year, we can't find him. Yeah, I'm beginning to think he's not even here.

SPEAKER_12 1:45:00

Uh you you uh you put your um hand on a uh a branch, and it kind of turns when you do. Wow.

SPEAKER_00 1:45:17

Nice.

SPEAKER_02 1:45:19

Uh the the sunroof in the fairy's home opens up.

SPEAKER_12 1:45:26

Good morning, good morning. This hatch opens, it's hidden behind um some lichen.

SPEAKER_03 1:45:34

I mean, where could this guy be hiding? You'd have to have some sort of secret underground layer to hide out in here.

SPEAKER_09 1:45:41

You know what? I give up.

SPEAKER_02 1:45:43

And I like stomp off in the other direction of the opening.

SPEAKER_03 1:45:46

Hooch.

SPEAKER_00 1:45:47

Hooch.

SPEAKER_09 1:45:54

This is how it would play out in the graphic novel. Hooch.

Free Beta Rules And Session Wrap

SPEAKER_12 1:46:05

I think you just found it. What the end of quest.

SPEAKER_09 1:46:21

Fly into the danger zone.

SPEAKER_10 1:46:28

Oh, fun.

SPEAKER_12 1:46:31

All right, guys, another session in the books. In fact, that was our 80th session of playing this game. Wow. Believe that.

SPEAKER_02 1:46:40

Holy cats. I can't believe it. And if you want to believe it, you can believe that you can play this game too. Actually, if you go to landbeam.com, you can download the beta rules for free. And please go quickly to get downloaded beta rules because uh we're gonna be taking them down soon. Once we announce our big crowdsourcing campaign, like we're gonna do some awesome books, and uh you'll be able to uh to back it soon. It's to back you soon, you know.

SPEAKER_12 1:47:09

It's true. There's gonna be some great things going on in the future here. So stay tuned.

XP Checks And Sign-Off

SPEAKER_02 1:47:18

Stay tuned. Um, but uh, if you check out the links at the bottom of this video, you can you can see where to download the game for free while you can. Uh and if you're already a player uh and you're in your or if you're a GM and you want to try it out, check out the Discord. And uh there's always people looking for groups and GMs.

SPEAKER_12 1:47:38

You too can play 80 sessions.

SPEAKER_02 1:47:40

Yes, you can. You too can live stream actual plays like we do. And you too. Join the ranks of those groups playing Land the Beam.

SPEAKER_10 1:47:52

It's classic.

SPEAKER_12 1:47:55

Uh, should we do XP real quick before we forget? Sure. Yes, or favor.

SPEAKER_08 1:48:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_12 1:48:04

All right, let's take a look at the XP. Did you complete a quest or objective? Not quite yet.

SPEAKER_11 1:48:14

No.

SPEAKER_12 1:48:16

Encounter a new creature, critter or creeper? Yes, you did.

SPEAKER_02 1:48:19

Quegbliku.

SPEAKER_12 1:48:21

Significant NPC encounter. Yeah, you did.

SPEAKER_02 1:48:24

Two of them, yeah.

SPEAKER_12 1:48:26

Yeah, solve a problem in a creative way. I think so. Cheeseburgers, get into peril or hijinks. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:48:37

It's like guaranteed, you know.

SPEAKER_12 1:48:41

Explore a new location or point of interest. Say you've explored the lost willows pretty thoroughly.

SPEAKER_08 1:48:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_12 1:48:50

And uh you did not find a magic item relic, you did not craft an item, any role-playing XP.

SPEAKER_02 1:48:59

Uh, I mean, I kind of was trying to get the story of Misky. Yeah, I didn't. Yeah. Do you feel that I was successful?

SPEAKER_11 1:49:08

Did we talk our way out of trouble at all?

SPEAKER_02 1:49:13

Not really. Yeah, I don't know. Um for me. I didn't do my ideals or flaws this quest. It's tough for me in the Quagmash, actually. Mine are like suited for cities.

SPEAKER_12 1:49:33

Know what you mean, buddy boy. You're a New York City boy.

SPEAKER_10 1:49:38

New York City. Peace backani sauce. All right. Last five.

SPEAKER_07 1:49:47

That's good.

SPEAKER_12 1:49:48

That's good. That's good. Okay, everyone. Thank you for joining us and uh have a happy life and uh good weekend. And uh be excellent to each other, you know what I mean? Yeah.

SPEAKER_11 1:50:07

Excellent. Be excellent to each other.

SPEAKER_09 1:50:12

Yeah. All right, take it easy, everybody. I guess.